Rolling in the Moonlight: 10 Lessons for a Rex-y Body

There is a lot for me to learn about roller skating.  Fortunately, Moonlight Rollerway in Glendale, CA was...

Open!

As if the lure of skating wasn't enough, the mellow hum and multi-color glow of the neon-lit
entry to Moonlight Rollerway got my wacky tacky juices going.

Our friend Anna, of Easy Acres Chicken Sitting, rounded up some of the gang to spend an evening at the rink boning up on the finer points of roller rink protocol - staying upright on skates was the least of my worries.  Here are the ten most valuable lessons of life in the rink.

It's not what it looks like; Denise & Anna weren't sitting long enough
to get the bench warm.  We were there to SKATE!

I had absolutely no idea why there was on oversized, sand-filled, ceramic
frog at the front door.

Lesson #1
It was obvious that I was a novice skater.
The first, and most important, rule of the rink is,
"NO GUM ALLOWED."

Lesson #2

You are at a roller rink - dress accordingly and be ready to participate.

Dress code: Be "Neat & Clean"

"No visiting; everyone must have

 a ticket and must wear skates"

Lesson #3

I look amazing in roller skates.

Actually, I  think the two different laces signify

the increased threat level to more experienced 

skaters of skating anywhere in my general vicinity.

The interior of Moonlight Rollerway taught me Lesson #4.
The slower you roll, the further out you should skate.
The center of the rink is for experienced skaters both in speed and technique.
Interestingly, the same is true when it comes to dancers on a large dance floor.
The center of the rink is even painted with formations should a figure skater choose to practice.

Lesson #5
Tuesday is organ night!
Almost all roller rinks of a certain age were fitted for organ accompaniment - canned music came much later.
By far, the best part of the night was Dominic on the Hammond Organ.
The mirror above his head is for the benefit of skaters; one can watch all the action on the keyboard.

Lesson #6
 Rexing is for lovers.

As is evidenced by this beautifully executed silhouette,
"rexing" is roller dancing.  Apparently, rexing can be
done alone, in pairs, or as a trio. The rexual activity at
Moonlight Rollerway can get pretty intense.

Sexy Rexers.
They were rexing all night long.

Lesson #7
 Roller Disco is not dead.
Don't let the fact that 1979 (the magical year of
Roller Disco-themed classics like "Skatetown, USA"
and "Roller Boogie") was well over 30 years ago fool
you into believing that a "Disco Roller Rink" is a
thing of the past.

"Skatetown, USA" (1979)


"Roller Boogie" (1979)

Lesson #8
A Slush Puppie by the snack bar is the nearest thing to Heaven on Earth.
I haven't had a Slush Puppie since I was 10 years old.
Dang, they're delicious! 

Lesson # 8-A
Ladies love a man with a Slush Puppie!
Side note:  How badly did I want to hang on to
the locker key safety-pinned to my sweater?

Lesson #9
Real roller skaters always carry their pencils in a crocheted pencil cozy.
It occurred to me that carrying a sharpened pencil
whilst skating might prove for some future medical
trauma, but they were selling these in the pro shop,
so I figured it must be safe.

Lesson #10
Skating is over at 10:30.
"Goodnight Couples"

Honestly, roller skating was a huge success.  I hadn't had skates on in many years and it only took a few trips around the rink for all my old moves to return - that is to say, skating forward without falling down.  I'm pretty sure I am ready to shoot the duck!!!  If my "10 Lessons for a Rex-y Body" aren't enough inspiration to strap on the old quads, here's a "Popeye" cartoon that will surely have you heading to the roller rink in no time.

"A Date to Skate" (1938)

Moonlight Rollerway

5110 San Fernando Road

Glendale, CA

(818)241-3630

moonlightrollerway.com

Cheers!

Mr. Tiny

Valentine's Schmalentine's

Okay, so I guess nobody is a big meatloaf fan - duly noted.  We won't dwell on it; we'll just press on to more pressing matters, namely St. Valentine's Day.  

"Valentine Stomp" - Fats Waller (1929)

Why does the thought very thought of February 14 get people in such a panic?  Why must we get all uptight about it, harping on the commercial aspect of the day and the enforced exclamations of ardor.  Frankly, I think cupid has to work overtime because you hear more folks expressing the sentiment "Valentine's Schmalentine's" than "I'm Getting Sentimental Over You."  If Herb and the gang can't get you in a sentimental mood, I'm afraid that you might be a lost cause. 

"I'm Getting Sentimental Over You" - Herb Alpert & The Tijuana Brass

Honestly, I think it is kind of nice to pick at least one day a year to tell the people that you love, that you love them.  There is something silly and sweet about the exchange of throw-away candy, red flowers, and overwrought, romantic greeting cards; it hearkens back to a simpler time when a love letter meant far more than a "chocolate diamond."  What the heck is a chocolate diamond anyway?  Valentine's Day should not be an exercise in overspending, reservations, and pressure.  Too much pressure and elevated expectations of perfection are never a good thing.  For Heaven's sake, it's on a school night this year.  Take it easy!  I think the trick is to keep it simple and romantic with something like a "Champantie."

(Source)
I'll never forget the time I was walking through Big-Lots and
saw this  penultimate expression of modern romance.
Nothing says "I love you" like lace panties in a plastic champagne bottle.

  A "Champantie" and just being someone's funny Valentine should be more than enough.

"My Funny Valentine" - Ella Fitzgerald

The internet is just lousy with pictures of vintage Valentine's greetings but they are too cool not share a few.  Truthfully, I would be happy with just one of these funny Valentine's.

Don't you miss the days when everyone was your Valentine; the days when you made a paper mailbox and by the end of class, it was loaded with miniature cards and candy hearts?  Well, for those of you unlovable, unclaimed, unwanted, and broken-hearted types with not even a prospect of a Valentine in your life this year, just know that I am one of you. Furthermore, I want you to always remember that "I Choo-Choo, Choose You."

Happy Valentine's Day!

Cheers!

Mr. Tiny

Kitsch-en Kounter: Pineapple Upside-Down Loaf

What is it that makes the tropics so alluring?  Elvis knew the secret.  Is it the gently swaying palms, the lilting melody of the ukulele, the lapping of crystalline waves of the purest blue, the swishing of grass skirts as wahines hula into your heart?  Yes.  But for Elvis and me, it is also the delicious tropical food.

"Aloha Oe" - Elvis Presley (1961)

It has been a while since my last "Kitsch-en Kounter" post because while I regularly pore over vintage issues of Collier's and McCall's looking for fun and strange recipes, it is really tough to find one that is not just funny but actually tasty.  I hate waste and it is important to me to find a recipe worth the investment of time and the cost of ingredients.  It has happened to me many times over - that moment when I am completely overcome with the brilliance of an entirely-original idea only to do a quick search online and discover that I had been bested by people much smarter  - or at least quicker on the draw.  Well, the idea for Teriyaki Pineapple Upside-Down Meatloaf has been brewing in the back of my mind for quite some time and I finally found the motivation to make it today.  I searched for any incarnation of a pineapple upside-down meatloaf and was pleased to find that none existed!!!  So here, in its world premiere, I introduce to the universe, TERIYAKI PINEAPPLE UPSIDE-DOWN MEATLOAF!

Truthfully, I am not one who really follows a recipe very closely.  I love to cook but half the fun is in the spontaneity.  So, in true wacky tacky fashion, here is a vague indication of the things you will need for a Teriyaki Pineapple Upside-Down Meatloaf.  If you're the type that needs a detailed recipe, I encourage you to let it go and just get wacky!

1  17oz. Bottle Prepared Teriyaki Glaze
1  Can Pineapple rings
Maraschino Cherries
Your Best Meatloaf Recipe

In a greased pan place as many pineapple rings as will fit comfortably (I used an angel food cake pan which to fill even halfway takes an unholy amount of meatloaf mixture and the results will leave you eating meatloaf for the next week).  In the center of each ring place a maraschino cherry.  Using about one third of the teriyaki sauce, cover the pineapple rings/cherries (this will create a glaze).  I used the rest of the teriyaki sauce inside the meatloaf mixture (usually, I would make my own out of soy sauce, garlic, honey, ginger, etc. but in the interest of keeping it simple, I used prepared).  Fill the pan with the your favorite meatloaf (we grew up on ground turkey) and bake until cooked through.  Remove from the oven and allow the loaf to rest.  Turn it out onto a serving platter and garnish as desired.

Like a true Hawaiian plate lunch, I think it is best to serve your Pineapple Upside-Down Loaf with steamed rice and macaroni salad.

As delicious as a Pineapple Upside-Down Loaf may be, it is only as good as the table on which it is served.  So, I decided to bring a few tropical delights out of storage and set the mood by setting the table.

A vintage, tropical-print, tablecloth.
This was the first cloth in what has developed into a greater collection.
(stay tuned for a future post on that)
As you can see, I did a rather perfunctory
 job at pressing out the creases.  I refuse to over think it because
 once the whole table is set, the wrinkles are barely noticeable.

I placed some leaves down and topped them with bamboo placemats,
highlighted by yellow, cotton placemats (folded in half lengthwise),
bamboo-handled flatware, and plain white porcelain dinnerware.

The finished placesetting.
Who's ready for some PUDL?!

Mary said it looked a little naked without rice in the middle.

I think that was actually a pretty good call.

So there it is.  An island of meatloaf amidst a sea of fluffy, white rice. 

PUDL is just one more thing that is NOT included on Mr. Tiny's current diet, but if the sounds of joy coming from the diners in the next room are any indication, PUDL is a hit!  If you decide to make your own PUDL for Sunday dinner or your upcoming Valentine's Day festivities, please let me know how it turns out.  Good luck and good eating!


Cheers & Aloha!

Mr. Tiny

Collecting: Exotic Woman

Have you ever seen "The History Detectives" on PBS?  Essentially, it is a bunch of historians/appraisers who start with an undocumented artifact and scour the country looking for clues that will help to prove its provenance.  The formula, as well as the personalities of the appraisers, can wear a bit thin at times, but all in all it is a worthwhile program.  I feel a bit like the "detectives" when I come upon some gem in a thrift store that leaves me yearning to know its history.  As I have mentioned before in a post entitled "June Weddings & Rape Whistles," my resistance to the siren song of strangers' discarded photos is futile.  I can't help but wonder who the people are in the photos and why they have been abandoned.  There is something so sweet about those faces peering out in black and white saying, "My real family didn't love me enough to keep me.  Will you be my new papa?"  A good detective would do his best to extract the history from the clues in the photograph; sometimes there will even be helpful notations on the back with some names, a date, and a location.  But I am no Sherlock Holmes and as there are usually precious few clues, I am satisfied to take the photos home and just imagine a backstory.  I dare say, my imagined history is probably far more dramatic than what actually occurred in many of the photographs, but I'm not so sure about this one; I think her history is beyond my wildest dreams!

Mistress Magnolia Blossom the Exotic Woman

Not so long ago, we were out doing our usual rounds of hunting and gathering.  I was sifting through a stack of miscellaneous papers/sheet music/ephemera and came across Mistress Magnolia Blossom.  She was loose among the other papers and fell to the ground before my brother picked her up and handed her to me.  I was immediately drawn to her based on the time period, the setting, and the scale (8x10").  Who was this exotic woman?  Was she an artist, a wanton woman, a housewife who used the family camera to take a special photo for her husband?  Was her husband the amateur shutter bug; how hard did he have to try and convince her to take some "artistic photos?"  Whoever she is, she is wacky tacky gold and there are several things I truly adore about this picture.  

First, I love the magnolia blossoms; they appear as if in 3D and seem to jump right off the page.  Second, I love the "make do" attitude of the photo - this one definitely appears to be a homemade portrait.  "We don't have a studio, but we can use the dining room floor." (see it peeking out in the upper-left corner?)  "We don't have tropical orchids and birds of paradise, but we have that magnolia tree out back."  "Remember, we've got a couple yards of that Tapa cloth I brought home from the South Pacific, that'll do."  Mostly, I love Mistress Magnolia Blossom, herself.  Classic beauty?  Not really.  Trained model?  Hardly.  But there is something lovely about the way she grasps the magnolia leaf and the way her hair haphazardly cascades behind her resting head.  At first glance, she seems rather melancholy but I think that is actually her interpretation of the languid, seductive stare of an exotic, island woman as she gazes into the enchanted sea.

"The Enchanted Sea" - Martin Denny

A fitting song for Mistress Magnolia Blossom

Cheers!

Mr. Tiny

Collecting: I Don't Give a Sheet!

Collections can be carefully curated or amassed with wild abandon.  Collections can be born out of the discovery of a single item or thrust upon one in one fell swoop.  My collection of vintage sheet music is an unholy combination of both.  Music has always played an integral part of our not so well-to-do family.  Thusly, sheet music and a love for music has been the rich inheritance passed down through generations.  Being the natural pack-rat that I am, I took the initial inherited library and have added to it over time based on the beautiful images that adorn the covers.  Naturally, it has begun to spiral out of control and for someone who, beyond hammering away at a child's color-coded xylophone or picking out "Mary Had a Little Lamb" on the piano, couldn't play a musical instrument to save his life, the idea of a shelf full of sheet music is rather ridiculous.  I was told by a wise friend that, "the greatest collectors are the best editors."  So, my new goal is to try and collect better by collecting less.  Okay, so maybe I'll just try to try....

The only redeeming quality about a sheet music collection is the relative ease with which it can be stored.  It requires no special shelving.  It takes up very little space.  It can actually be quite useful (like I said, it's like one never-ending sing along around these parts and my siblings can all play "real" instruments).  Here are some pieces from the collection that are particularly attractive, interesting, or musically inspiring.

COWBOY SONGS

I don't know if I could love the cover of "Cowboy Songs" any more than I do right now.  It is an anthology of ridin' and ropin' songs with 1936 cover art that makes my heart sing.

"Wah! Hoo!" - Ray Whitley (1936)

I couldn't find the Fred Waring recording but this one needed to be heard.

I LOVE cowboy music!!!

DORIS DAY

"It's Magic" - Romance on the High Seas (1948)

It just doesn't get better than Doris.

TINY HILL

Mr. Tiny would love to find more music with Tiny Hill on the cover

BING CROSBY

"San Fernando Valley"

One of my favorite "Der Bingle" tunes

BROADWAY & MOVIE MUSICALS

"That's for Me" - State Fair (1945)

One of my favorite songs from one of my favorite movies.

Could Vivian Blaine get any more beautiful?

"Tip Toe Through the Tulips" - The Gold Diggers of Broadway (1929)

And I'll bet you thought Tiny Tm wrote that one...

"Sonny Boy" - The Singing Fool (1928)

"Rosalie" - Rosalie (1937)

LYRIC BOOKS

I love these lyric books because even if one didn't play an instrument, 

they made it possible to sing along with records or the radio.

POPULAR TUNES

"Accent on Youth" - Duke Ellington (1935) 

"The Merry-Go-Round Broke Down" - Shep Fields (1937)

It's not Guy Lombardo, but it is a pretty great recording.

"Near You" - Francis Craig & His Orchestra (1948)

"It's Been a Long, Long Time" - Stan Kenton w/ June Christy

This has always been my grandparents' song.

PATRIOTIC

These two (WWI era) are especially interesting because I always tend to think that past generations 

were inherently more patriotic and dutiful than today.  Placed side by side, it is clear that war is 

always a hardship and not everyone was joyful or proud to see their child become a casualty 

of war.

"Bell Bottom Trousers" - Kay Kyser (1942)

The real reason I collect sheet music is because I can't help myself.  The colors, graphics, accessibility, and generally low price tag have me on the hunt for more and more.  I love that almost every single piece is inscribed with the name of the original owner.  Although, I kind of wonder why.  Did sheet music get so blotto at parties that it wandered off to strange homes?  Did it get loaned out so often that the borrowers forgot from whom it was lent?  Why did it require that handwritten ID bracelet?  Whatever the reason, it is just another one of my silly collecting passions.  Again, it does have a useful side - especially if you are a musician.  If you are not, it is wonderful for use in decorating too.  In the home of a staunch recreationist, what lends a more period character than colorful, musical ephemera?  In a modern setting, what provides more charm and interest than the beautifully-printed images of sheet music?  Please keep an eye out for me for Tiny Hill!

Cheers!

Mr. Tiny