Kitsch-en Kounter: "Give Me LIBERTY [Jell-O] or Give Me Death!!!"

Call it a fixation, if you must, but there is nothing wrong with a grown man constantly thinking about the evolutionary trajectory of a Barbie/princess cake.

If you've been playing along at home, you may recall Blinky,
the Bearded-Lady Cake, who was the centerpiece of our Family 
Freak Show Birthday Party.

Our friend's recent marionette wedding at the Bob Baker
Marionette Theater resulted in this naughty, little nuptial-
themed number. 

Left with the other half of the doll that I used for the groom's legs (above), I pondered the potential for the remaining torso, arms, and head.  This year it was clear that we should celebrate that bastion of hope and freedom, The Statue of Liberty.  With a Barbie cake always on my mind, I was confident I had at least one half (the top half) of our 4th of July Kitsch-en Kounter recipe all ready to go.

Well...almost all ready to go.
I had to drape a toga, steal the finial from a small flag for the torch, permanently
bend one arm, and make a tablet and the iconic coronet out of chip board.  In a
time when some of our most prominent celebrities are transitioning, I didn't give
a second thought to using this violet-haired man for the the Statue of Liberty;
indeed, they both share that same square-jaw, strong nose, and full lips - a
Classical profile is timeless and of free from gender...plus it's the only doll
torso I had in stock... 

And then it was time to paint.
Because realism is so vital to our Kitsch-en Kounter mission, I couldn't just
paint the darn thing green.  First I applied a few light coats of metallic, gold
spray paint.  The verdigris was achieved with a wash of acrylic craft paint in
Caribbean Blue.  Yes, realism is paramount to our operation...with food
safety taking a distant second.

Cake would have been the obvious choice for Liberty's nether regions but I wanted something that truly screamed 4th of July!!!  Instead of cake, I decided to further along the Barbie cake's evolution by once again exploring the possibilities of America's favorite gelatinous food medium - Jell-O.

'Merica
To give the lime-flavored gelatin some opacity, I added
a can of sweetened, condensed milk.  To get a color match,
I added a few drops of aqua food coloring.

Up until this point, I had everything I needed on-hand to complete the craft/recipe.  Strangely enough, I hadn't considered a mold.  And what would a Jell-O mold be, after all, without a mold?  That's right...just Jell-O.

After much ferreting around in the deep recesses of the cupboards, I came up empty handed.  I needed a Jell-O mold with some height and a bit of movement and texture to evoke the sweeping skirts of our statuesque inspiration.  And then a strange thing happened; I remembered the best-selling vase from the home-furnishings retailer in which I worked many years ago.  It was the correct height and had the organic fluting that I wanted.  With no hope of finding the vase, I resigned myself to a hopeless search through the local thrift stores for something that might work.  Believe it or not, the very first store into which I set foot yielded the exact vase for which I was looking - an unprecedented bit of good luck!!!

Sometimes I wish my luck would operate on a grander scale...but for today, I suppose this will do.

See those undulating lines?
Don't they remind you of the Statue of Liberty's skirt too?!!!

Given that this was a glass vase (with a thick-sham base and all that fluting) rather than an aluminum Jell-O mold, I was more than slightly nervous about un-molding my creation.  After 24 hours in the fridge, I gingerly set the vase into a sink full of warm water and said a quick prayer to the statue's first sculptor, Frédéric Auguste Bartholdi.

Prayers are answered, folks.

Moments later, after a fair bit squelching, I was looking at the
wobbly beginnings of our lime Jell-O Lady Liberty!

Just like Bartholdi and the French government before me, it had come time to assemble my statue and present it as a gift to the people of America - but not without some finishing touches.

Did I paint a birthday candle and cut it down so Lady Liberty
would have a functioning torch?  You'd better believe it, buster.

No Jell-O salad would be complete without a garnish.  I used curly parsley
and maraschino cherries - exactly like Liberty Island in New York Harbor.

"Give me your tired, your poor,

Your [jiggling] masses, yearning to [eat] free..."

Heck, with phrases like that, the Statue of Liberty sounds like she's talking about "People Like You and Me."

"People Like You and Me" - The Glenn Miller Orchestra in Orchestra Wives

Happy 4th of July, you wacky tacky turkey necks!!!


Cheers!

Mr. Tiny

Kitsch-en Kounter: I Heart Independence Party Pie!

In this age of wine snobs, cheese snobs, beer snobs, and serious gourmands whose only culinary credibility stems from countless hours spent watching "Chopped" marathons on The Food Network, I have happily embraced the credo, "I'm a fatty not a foodie."  It isn't that I lack appreciation for quality ingredients prepared in a skillful manner, it's that I've never encountered an artisanal, house-made catsup that can stand up to the classic, everyman's ketchup.  Put simply, "foodie" is highbrow and highbrow ain't my brow.

Okay, so maybe this makes me a ketchup snob???
(Source)

I knew I was a hardcore fatty after a recent reminder that in high school the currency in which I dealt was hamburgers.  When I needed a ride or a favor, there were at least three people I knew who I could easily bribe with a 99¢ fast food hamburger.  Even out shopping I could more easily determine the value of something by forgetting dollars and cents and asking myself, "Is this really worth ten value-menu hamburgers;" it very rarely was.  Fortunately, my tastes have matured and fast food has all but been eliminated from my life.  Nevertheless, I feel that the brilliant tutelage I received from my internal economics professor left me with the understanding of the true value of a hamburger....er, dollar.  It is no small wonder then that my keen sense of food and home economics encourages the regular utilization of a wacky tacky foodstuff that provides more bang for the buck and more bounce to the ounce than any other paltry pantry item, namely Jell-O!

J-E-L-L-OOOOOO!!!!
Coming at you in True Stereo 3Dimension!!!!!
It must be said that I am not a fan of anything blue-flavored
(who's ever heard of a blue raspberry???) but, when making a
4th of July dessert, one must adhere to an extremely-rigid color code!

Our Betty Crocker ColorVision Cake, our Tricky Dick's St. Patrick's Day Trifle, and our Lobster Gelatin Mold all made the most of Jell-O's signature flavor, color, and jiggle!  With America's Independence Day upon us, it was up to me to make a dessert that would celebrate all the history of our great nation and all of my homespun, fatty sensibilities; there was no question that Jell-O would be involved.  When I stumbled upon a vintage recipe for "Stained Glass Cake," I knew that with a few minor adjustments I would have a firework-level flavor explosion worthy of the 4th of July!

The first adjustment was to the name of the dessert; a graham cracker
crust filled with a creamy Jell-O confection definitely read more pie
than cake.  This was an Independence Party Pie!  The second adjustment
was the shape of the dessert; I love America and the only way to show it
was with a heart-shaped springform pan...or maybe the circular springform
that was lurking in the furthest recesses of the cupboard was rustily singing,
"'Spring' Will Be A Little Late This Year"....

For as simple as Jell-O seems, it can actually be a tricky medium in which to work when multiple colors and textures are involved.  Furthermore, this recipe called for pineapple juice, which any Jell-O aficionado knows is a big Jell-NO!  I learned that, when heated beyond a certain temperature, the naturally-occurring agents in fresh pineapple/pineapple juice that inhibit the gelatinous properties of Jell-O become inactive - crisis averted!  And still, this Independence Party Pie required much more tempering, folding, congealing, and general babysitting than most Kitsch-en Kounter food experiments; removing the whole thing from the heart-shaped springform pan was actually the easiest part!

Independence Party Pie!
It looked pretty good but was it worth the effort?

As usual, my food styling skills leave a little to be desired, but it
received a rating of five sparklers out of five from the National
Pyrotechnic Food Rating Council of America (not something I made up...
Look it up; it's totally real).  All I can say is that the NPFRCA and
the folks around here had  better enjoy it while it lasts because I
won't be making Independence Party Pie for at least another year!

Are you a fan of Jell-O? How are your Jell-O skills - molding, layering, etc.?  How do you spend the 4th of July (I know we have plenty of wacky tacky turkey necks outside the US; please feel free to chime in)?

Happy Independence Pie Day!!!

Cheers!

Mr. Tiny

p.s. No catsup was harmed in the making of this Independence Party Pie.
p.p.s As it turns out, the NPFRCA (National Pyrotechnic Food Rating Council of America is NOT real.  The editors regret any confusion.

Sew What?! Red, White, and NEW!

I often get sentimental thinking of my grandparents - particularly during holiday celebrations (the 4th of July being no exception).  Although it has been many years since their passing (as romantic as it seems, they did not have The Notebook ending; they died quite separately and years apart), I find myself wanting to visit them, to bask in the warmth of their gentle, old-timey, unconditional, grandparental love.  As much as I appreciated having them as such an integral part of my youth, I find myself craving their love and counsel even more as an adult.

Leona & Bob
(Read more about them here and here)

And so I do visit them.  As well as visiting their "final resting place," when I am in the area, I also make a habit of driving past the home in which they lived out their last days (Neighborhood Watch is on high alert).  I've even eaten at the local coffee shop they frequented, confirming that the food is just as terrible as I remembered.  It brings an immeasurable amount of comfort to revisit some of their old stomping grounds, including their local thrift store.  It was there that I nabbed a length of tricolor, floral seersucker for the bargain price of $3.00 (I like to think it was grandmotherly providence; she was both thrifty and a sewing fiend).

As an inveterate fabric hoarder, rare is the occasion when I know
exactly what form the fabric will assume; usually I just hoard and hope for
the best.  Because the amount of fabric was limited, so were my options!

In the end, short supply and color palette dictated that this would be a fun, 1940s-style sun suit comprised of a ruched bikini top and a short, semi-circle skirt with attached bloomers.  Mary would have a red, white, and new outfit for the 4th of July!

I'm going to try and continue including my sketches in an attempt at
practice making perfect - both in drawing and silencing the nagging
voice inside that says the drawings are never "good enough." 

In spite of what I like to believe, my sewing skills are also rather amateurish.
Hoping to expand the breadth of my abilities with each new project, I try to
challenge myself with some easy but new-to-me techniques.  This time,
I drafted my own pattern for the fully-lined, elasticized bikini bottoms/bloomers
and made a shaped hem-facing for the skirt from the fashion fabric.  

Luckily, my efforts made the cut for Mary's Las Vegas shoot with the photography phenom, Alexander Thompson, for a style editorial in Ponyboy Magazine.

Capturing simple beauty is a task I think often more difficult than documenting
"grittiness" and "edge" - not that there is anything wrong with grit and edge.
I just know that our grandparents would have truly appreciated the simplicity
and loveliness of this photograph.
(Photo courtesy of Alexander Thompson/Ponyboy Magazine)

Feeling the pressure of last-minute holiday preparations, I am grateful that this ensemble was completed with a few months to spare!  I am also grateful for the talents of Alexander Thompson and Ponyboy Magazine, without whom we would not have these great photos - THANK YOU!!!

Do you hoard fabric with the intention of making themed, holiday outfits?  Were your grandmothers sewing fiends like mine?  Do certain sounds, sights, or smells remind you of your loved ones?  Are you a sucker for seersucker?

While you are pondering these questions, we hope that you have a safe, sane, and Happy 4th of July!!!


Cheers!

Mr. Tiny

Sew What?! A Gratuitous Outfit Post

I'm afraid that there is an epidemic of deafness in our neighborhood and it's ALL OUR FAULT!  Day after day, we stumble out the front door deafening our neighbors with the loudness of whatever crazy get-up we happen to be wearing.  Either that, or they think we're totally insane...

I really don't think of our clothes as "costumes," but I'm almost positive that we have sent at least one neighbor running to the calendar to see if they have missed Halloween.  I'll admit, sometimes it can get a bit theatrical.  After all, who wears western wear on a regular basis?  Who isn't a farmer or a five-year-old child, yet insists on wearing bib overalls?  Who goes on a weekend getaway and takes square dance appropriate garb should the occasion arise?  Who can leave the house in the morning in a 30's-style frock, come home, and after a flurry of teasing combs and a heavy cloud of hairspray, can dash back out the door in a 60's minidress?  (not all of these apply exclusively to Mr. Tiny...hahahaha)

(Photo by P. Oeser III)

Oh yeah, and then there's this...

But this actually WAS Halloween!

Last weekend our friends held their awesome, annual "It's Roughly The 4th of July" barbecue.  It is a huge gathering of folks for some old-fashioned, eating, dancing, and merry making; I thought it would be a good idea for Mary to debut the new, neighbor-confusing, ensemble that I made for her - a 3-piece playsuit.

My newest mania is to purge myself of all the extraneous stuff that I have amassed over the years.
This includes the ungodly fabric pile that, like a creature from a 50's science fiction movie,
continues to grow no matter what I do.  Oh, I'm not supposed to be feeding it more fabric?  Huh.

The blue floral, of indeterminate vintage, was used to make the shorts and the blouse;
 it was something I picked up very inexpensively at a thrift store.  The white overskirt was
 made of fabric that I had to go out and purchase...so much for stash busting! 

In my first attempt at applique (beyond ric rac, trims, etc.), I took portions
 of the fabric used for the shorts and top and "traced" them with a machine,
embroidery stitch onto the oversized pockets of the skirt and then trimmed away
the excess fabric...or something.
Sometimes I just jump into this stuff without any kind of instruction
 or appropriate terminology; I just cross my fingers and hope it all works out.

Side Note: Don't sew with your fingers crossed unless you want them to stay that way.

I kind of used the same technique to make the patches that I added
to the straps of her top.  I had recently seen a similar treatment on a
vintage dress and wanted to give it a go.

I've heard from several people that wearing vintage/vintage inspired clothing results in unwanted attention or worse, derision.  Oddly enough, whenever we go anywhere, I would say that 99.736% of the response we receive from people (friends, neighbors, strangers), as it relates to our clothing, is extremely positive.  As a matter of fact, our style choices often result in compliments, nostalgic remembrances, freebies/discounts, invitations, etc.  Furthermore, while they might still be under the impression that we are insane, most of those neighbors that I'm so worried about believe that we are on one never-ending circuit of dances, photo shoots, elegant soirees, and fancy dress balls.  Since it's a myth the absolute truth, I'll just let them go on believing.


Cheers!

Mr. Tiny