All I Want for Christmas is a Sleep-Eating Diary

I have found myself the last two nights awoken by the distinct sensation of something being lodged in my throat.  The first night, in a mild panic, it occurred to me that it was probably one in my yearly allotment of sleep-consumed spiders struggling for survival (after a few determined swallows, he was lost to the history of digestion).  Leave it to me to get fat by sleep-eating spiders.

On the second night, I was struck by the improbability of eating two of my own spiders on two consecutive nights, realizing quickly that the second one was YOUR spider - the one right by your bed, the one you went to massacre with a slipper, convincing yourself that you really smashed it but-good only to examine the bottom of said slipper to see no visible traces of guts or disembodied legs anywhere, leaving you sleepless for wondering if it now lurked among the bedclothes.

Yes, I just slept-ate your spider and that is why you'll see no "traditional present" from me under the tree this year.  In a world caught in the proverbial web of holiday consumerism, I offer you an alternative gift - the gift that keeps on giving, in fact.  Better than buying you a star or planting a tree in your name, I saved your life, your sanity, and your ability to sleep in peace.

I ate your spider.

Merry Christmas.

"The Web of Love" - Joi Lansing

Cheers!

Mr. Tiny

Crazy Crafty: I Si-Si A Souvenir Tote Bag in Your Future

There was a time (a time in which we still might be living) when every American woman visiting Mexico came back with a souvenir photograph of a zebra-painted burro, a tourist jacket, and a straw tote covered in yarn embroidery and palm-leaf appliqué.  Heck, Mary had at least seven of the straw bags in a variety of colors and sizes before she ever even set foot in Mexico.  It isn't that these souvenirs are terribly rare or terribly exotic, quite the opposite; they are rather inexpensive, readily available, and a definite rite of passage - passage across the Mexico-US border in which forgetful tourists begin panic-buying souvenirs for all the folks at home.

Tijuana - 1955
My grandmother (center) with my father beside her.
My uncle is riding the burro.

In sifting through the wacky tacky archives, I found the above photo and one such straw tote bag, purchased at a thrift store.  The body and the handles/hardware were in decent shape but the decorations had certainly experienced much sunnier holidays south of the border.

Looking very much like it had witnessed more than its fair share
of fiestas, this was the sorry state in which we found the bag.

In an effort to make way between the piles of newspapers and stacks of empty tuna fish cans for guests to maneuver through the hoarder's paradise that is wacky tacky headquarters, we are midway through an unprecedented clean-out.  But the options to rid ourselves of this pitiful piece were quite limited - it was either fodder for the local landfill or a one-way ticket back to the thrift store (this would not have been the first time we paid for something at a thrift store only to donate it back again).  The options to overhaul it, however, were limitless!  It was time to break the buying/donating cycle and turn modern medical practice on its ear by taking this literal sad sack north of the border for a fun facelift.

I started by removing the shredded floral clusters and
giving the frayed yarn a well-deserved haircut.

Just happening to have yarn in shades of "close-enough" green and orange,
I grabbed a big needle and began to touch-up the embroidered leaves.

Mid-makeover, I liked the way that the my not-quite-a-color-
match yarn added some variegation and depth to the leaves.

Once the bag and the leaves were stabilized, it was time to complete the makeover; after all, there are serious responsibilities one must consider after deflowering a virgin tote bag.  I suppose I could have tried to resurrect the palm-leaf flowers but they were so trashed, so lifeless, and so...brown; and it just wouldn't be a true "Crazy Crafty" project unless a strong dose of color was injected.

Continuing in my preferred medium of craft store yarn, I made
pom pom flowers in the other two colors I had in the stash.

A minimally invasive facelift with maximum results.

After all the effort of the sad sack makeover, I decided
that a fabric lining would be the perfect finishing touch.

With the tote bag complete, the thought occurred to me that anyone foolish enough to carry a full lamb's-worth of yarn around on a second-hand purse during the summer months might also need some protection from the sun (if not the curious stares of passers-by).

Using the purse as a guide, I embroidered a Put A Lid On It
Sun Hat with the same leaf-and-pom pom-flower motif.

Just like the newly-refurbished tote bag, the hat is also topped by a pom pom. 

As I've mentioned time and again, a matchy-matchy ethos is the backbone of wacky tacky design.  So while the hat may not share a similar provenance to the tote the way a sombrero would, we think that this matching set is perfect for a Puerto Vallarta pool party or a caprice in Cabo San Lucas.

"Pardon me, do you know the way to San Jose?"

With all this talk of south-of-the-border souvenirs, we are in the mood to take a "Tijuana Taxi" for another round of swinging souvenir shopping!!!  So much for our big clean-up and clear-out...

"Tijuana Taxi" - Heb Alpert & The Tijuana Brass (Scopitone)

Cheers!

Mr. Tiny

wacky tacky Tunes: Scoping Out Scopitone

If you had a hammer, what would you do?  Would you hammer in the morning?  Would you hammer in the evening?  All over this land?  Would you?  Really?  Or, would you put on a beaded-chiffon cocktail dress, pin on your best hairpieces, and start dancing?!!

"If I Had a Hammer" - Debbie Reynolds

The lyrics kind of take on their own new meaning 

if one thinks of the nasty Reynolds/Fisher/Taylor triangle.

Presumably not the vision Pete Seeger had when he penned his 1949 anthem  of social justice, this mid-1960s Scopitone video featuring the unsinkable Debbie Reynolds, is a glittering bit of musical-mash-up genius.  Yes, Seeger and the folkies probably saw this incongruous extravaganza of set design, costuming, choreography, and rearranged folk music as a glaring miscarriage of social justice.  We, however, can only mete out wacky tacky justice and we find in favor of the Scopitone!

A Scopitone Machine

(Source)

Scopitone machines, a short-lived technology, were essentially video jukeboxes found in barrooms, diners, nightclubs, and anywhere else an early-adopting proprietor would see fit to place one.  While similar devices abounded (see Cinebox, Colorama, et al.), Scopitone pulled ahead of the pack first in Europe and then in America where, for mere pocket change, fans could enjoy the likes of Herb Alpert, Paul Anka, and Della Reese performing their greatest hits - talk about being "Touched by an Angel!!!"

With roots on the continent, several of Scopitone's biggest
stars were European; this Scopitone machine features those
wacky tacky wunderkinds, The Kessler Twins.
(Source)

Many of the videos are available to view online but ever since my brother lent me his three-volume compilation of Scopitones one week ago, I have been watching little else.  I love these videos not only for their second-tier stars and silly subject matter, but for their complete lack of polish; the Our Gang Follies had higher production values, for Petey's sake!  It's just lucky for them that we love lip-syncing and low quality productions.

"Daddy" - Julie London

"Wheel of Fortune" - Kay Starr

"Small Potatoes" - Gale Garnett

Scopitone videos often give the impression that late-night access to an unlocked soundstage was acquired by a loosely-associated film crew.  Inspired by whatever scenery and props happened to be lying around, they quickly developed what can best be described as sexy, if scattershot, story lines.  With a greater emphasis on commitment and strong facial expressions than on accuracy and synchronization, a small cast of unacquainted singers and dancers was assembled.   Overall, the motto appears to have been, "Let's get this in one take...before they catch us."  Some of the best examples of the American Scopitone ethos feature that buxom, platinum-haired starlet, Joi Lansing.

"Web of Love" - Joi Lansing

Well, my brothers and my sisters, I have a bell - a bell called Scopitone.  I'll ring it in the morning.  I'll in it in the evening all over this land.  I'll ring out danger.  I'll ring out a warning.  I'll ring out love (of Scopitone) between you all over this land!  Now where did I put my hammer?

scopitonearchive.com

Cheers!

Mr. Tiny

wacky tacky Icons: The Kessler Twins

Is there anything better than a tall, cool, blonde of foreign extraction?  The answer is obviously yes, two tall, cool, blondes of foreign extraction - with bonus points for being twins....

...and having matching wolfhounds!!!

(Source)

Better known to their native-German following as "Die Kessler Zwillinge" and their adoptive-Italian audiences as "Le Gemelle Kessler," Alice and Ellen Kessler, "The Kessler Twins," were destined for stardom despite being born in the turbulence of pre-War Germany (although, being the epitome of the idealized-Aryan genotype was certainly no a hindrance in that particular climate).

Alice und Ellen
(in no particular order)
(Source)

Emerging relatively unscathed from the war years, Alice and Ellen put their vocal and dance training to use and quickly gained nationwide notoriety.  Their performance of "Heute Abend Wollen Wir Tanzen Geh'n (Tonight We Want to Go Dancing)," earned them placement in the top ten of the Eurovision Song Contest of 1959 and international acclaim.

"Heute Abend Wollen Wir Tanzen Geh'n" - The Kessler Twins

Like a long-legged, living embodiment of a Doublemint Gum ad, the Kessler's doubled their pleasure and
doubled their fun by finding fame in France (a residence at Paris' famed Lido night club) and super-stardom in Italy.
(Source: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)

"Quando, Quando, Quando" - The Kessler Twins
(Many of the sisters' hits were sung in Italian or a German-Italian hybrid)

The poster children for post-War multiculturalism, I wondered if the twins ever became a star-attraction in the United States; Life Magazine of February 22, 1963 answered my question.

"Sensations from Germany: Kessler Twins"
(Source)

While never quite the hit they were in Italy,
The Kessler Twins appeared with Ed Sullivan,

Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Red Skelton,
and Danny Kaye while in America.

Apparently, they also made a lasting impression on a young,
US Army Sergeant on leave in Paris, namely Elvis Presley. 

(Source)

I think I love The Kessler Twins because they are the kind of novelty act that just doesn't exist anymore.  Besides Matthew & Gunnar, who was the last big sister twins act?  And when was the last time you heard of a long-standing nightclub engagement?  When was the last time you heard mini-dress-wearing German sisters sing a Lou Rawls' song in Italian?

"A Natural Man" - The Kessler Twins

I am definitely not the biggest fan of contemporary pop music but I will say that these kids nowadays are well-produced and expected to be polished within an inch of their lives; all the Kessler Twins had to do was be pretty and twirl.  It is their mere passing acquaintance with synchronization that warms the wacky tacky cockles of my heart (aren't twins supposed to have some intuitive connection???).

I also love their always-of-the-moment styling.
Hello, mermaid-hair helmets!!!
(Source)

Are you a fan of The Kessler Twins?  Even better, are you a twin yourself?  The Kesslers continued to perform well into the 1980's; I don't know if they are still performing but I for one would love to see a live Kessler spectacular, wouldn't you?  "Ciao-f Wiedersehen!"

Cheers!

Mr. Tiny