Collecting: June Weddings & Rape Whistles

A few weeks ago we had the good fortune to go hang out with our friends Lauren (Wearing History blog/Wearing History Patterns) and her husband.  She took us to some of the "secret spot" thrift stores in her neck of the woods and, while digging through the potential loot, I found an album chock full of wedding photos dating from the late 1910's through the 1950's - a serious score at only $5!  I love old photographs.  I always wonder what combination of tragedy and/or oversight leads to entire family albums being discarded and sold at tag sales, flea markets and thrift stores.  It is a boon for me because I love finding old photos - especially the kind that feature great clothes, funny faces, poignant events and ANYTHING western!  I actually came by this personal peculiarity honestly as, one day when I was very young, my mom (an inveterate trash digger) found and subsequently hung above the piano an oval frame of gleaming tiger maple and convex glass from behind which an 1890's era photograph of the creepiest-looking, twin girls stared - and continue to stare - at me no matter where I was in the room.  I am such a fan of buying up the unknown, pictorial history of other people's families that at some point I think I will forget which black and white faces hanging on the walls are actual relatives and which faces are strangers.  Here are some of the best wedding photos from my latest album.

Clearly the happiest day of their lives.

I LOVE this photo.  He looks so happy to have won her.

One with the boys...

...and one with the girls

Alone...

Together

I am a fan of a simple wedding and an extravagant marriage.  I think a huge wedding can be great but I am much more drawn to intimate nuptials and the photos of sweethearts who got married in spite of the odds.  I'll take a courthouse wedding over an extravaganza any day.

Love

To me, this is probably the most romantic photo in the bunch.

My love for old photos isn't exclusive to photos of strangers; our family home has always been filled with photo documentation of our own family history.  Every chance I get, I convince my mom to give me the photos of my ancestors that I find particularly charming and meaningful.  Since the theme of the photos is "weddings," I decided to share the wedding photo of my paternal grandparents.  They were sweethearts from a very early age and despite having personalities, theories and behaviors of the most polar-opposite variety, they were married for over 45 years.  This is a photo for which one day I know I will have to fight my brothers and sisters.

Bob & Leona
Wedding Day 1949

I give my grandpa a lot of credit for inspiring my love of swap meets and hamburgers and everything old-timey.  He loved to collect.  He loved to read.  He loved to tinker.  He loved growing tomatoes.  He was tireless in his affection for my brothers, sisters, cousins and myself.  He is the kindest person I have ever met and he continues to inspire me more than 15 years after his passing.  Yes, my grandpa was amazing.

My grandma?  Well, my grandma was crazy.  Her name was Leona.  Tell me, have you ever met anyone named Leona that wasn't crazy?  My grandma was so deliciously a product of her generation that I miss her every day.  I think she was, quite unwittingly, the queen of wacky tacky.  Her house was always immaculate; it was truly a "place for everything and everything in its place," type of home - including every rubber band and every glass jar that she had ever gotten her hands on.  A great many years had passed, but to Leona, the Great Depression was still in full swing.  I don't think she threw out a morsel of food in her entire existence.  Every leftover made its way into a soup, a meatloaf or one of her famous jell-os.  Her dinner table groaned under the bounty of food that was just enough to feed my family - who on any given day could eat any army under the table.  My favorite stories to share about "Mima Lee" (the affectionate moniker we bestowed upon her only after she died) include pot holders, vacuum cleaner bags, answering machines and rape whistles.

My grandma lived in the desert and living in the desert is hot.  She complained to my uncle enough times about the blistering temperature of the steering wheel in her Buick that he finally bought her a steering wheel cover.  Apparently that gesture was far too little and far too late.  My grandmother, mistress of innovation, had already solved her problem and decided that pot mitts, being sufficient to protect her hands from the scalding heat of roasting pans, were the perfect solution.  She could be found driving around Sun City, CA wearing seasonally-appropriate pot mitts.  Yep, they changed with the seasons.

My grandma, in an effort to outsmart the 99cents Store and their outrageous mark-ups, only shopped at her local 98cent + Store.  Feeling that the check she gave each of us for Christmas was too impersonal, she always loaded up gift bags with the very best trinkets and treasures to be had for 98cents +.  One year she showed up at our house and put all of our presents under the tree.  However, something was decidedly different that year; the gift bags had a dull-grey finish, a cardboard adapter and printed instructions.  Did you know that at the 98cent + Store holiday-themed gift bags are $0.98 each but vacuum cleaner bags are 3 for $0.98.  You do the math.

My grandma could not figure out her answering machine.  She hounded us for months to come out to her house so we could record the outgoing message.  During a visit to her house, we sat down and finally recorded her outgoing message and she was grateful.  She was grateful until her sister, a real downer, called her and, unable to reach my grandma, heard the following,  "Hello, you have reached Leona's House of Ecstasy.  If you are a gentleman caller, please leave your vital statistics and she will gladly return your call."  After that, we started receiving threatening messages on our answering machine.  Where was her sense of humor?

My grandma had extra toothbrushes in almost every drawer in her house.  She decorated her Christmas Tree with porcelain dolls.  She employed the blender in almost every meal that she prepared.  She hid her coin collection in the air ducts.  Oh yeah, she loved us.  I know because she gave each of us a new rape whistle every year.


Cheers!

Mr. Tiny

Collecting: Stay Sweet and Have a Neat Summer!

The little sis is graduating from high school today!  As I have previously mentioned on this blog, I am OLD - not in age alone but in emotion and mentality.  There must have some split-second moment like the flash of green when the sun sinks behind the horizon when age took a hold of me.  Subconsciously I have taken to using phrases like, "There just aren't enough hours in the day," "I can feel it in my bones," "Heh?" and "Have you seen my defibrillator?"  Her graduation is doing nothing to stave off this process.

In keeping with the momentous occasion of her graduation, I decided to share a bit of Dr. Seuss' "Oh, the Places You'll Go!"

My grandmother, Garnet, and her autograph book.
Her portrait is from her high school days - maybe graduation.

Only kidding.  Is there a high school graduation on earth where this book isn't referenced or simply read aloud?  No, instead I thought I'd share some quotes from my grandmother's autograph book from her graduation from Sturges Junior High in 1938.  The quotes written inside are truly priceless.  While, in 1938, these phrases may have been hackneyed, I find they are far superior to "Stay sweet and have a neat summer."

Some of my favorite entries include this gem that pre-dates texting by many decades:

"YY U R

YY U B

I C U R

YY 4 ME"  

and...

The design of the pages inside the autograph book are pretty neat too.

Some of the entries are charming but much like Hannah Montana's meteoric rise to fame, they don't make much sense.

"When you get married

and live upstairs,

don't come down

and borrow my chairs."

"I'm writing on pink

to save the white

for your boyfriend

to write on tonite."

"Love me dear?

Sure do.

Kiss me dear?

Scared to.

Cold dear?

'bout to freeze.

Want my coat?

Just the sleeve."

My grandma was not too cool to have her parents' autographs.

The comments ranged from the sweet to the somewhat profane.

"Remember me early

Remember me late

Remember me at the Golden Gate"

"Listen my children

and you shall hear

the life time story of Garnet dear.

First in her diapers

and then in her dress and now in the 8B

I wish you success."

"Some kiss by a gate

Some kiss by a rose

But I think the best place

is just below the nose."

"Buffalo Bill went up the hill

to see the Indians dance.

Buffalo Bill came down the hill

with arrows in his pants."

"Earth to Earth

Dust to Dust

If strangers don't kill you,

High School must."

"Earth to Earth

Dust to Dust

If it wasn't for boys,

girls lips would rust."

"As you slide down the banister of life,

Remember me as a sliver in your ---"

The most ubiquitous turn of phrase was,"Yours until the catfish have kittens."  My favorite, however, is, "Yours until the ocean wears rubber pants to keep its bottom dry."

"Yours until the mountain peak sees the salad dressing!"  Happy Graduation Mary!

Cheers!

Mr. Tiny