Crazy Crafty: 4-in-1 Rocker Table

I'm not going to exhibit any false bravado; this makes me extremely uncomfortable.

The word on wacky tacky is out and people are now giving me ideas/items that they think will work for the blog.  Such was the case when I received a bulging file of newspaper and magazine clippings that once belonged to the grandmother of our pal, Nicole, over at Swellegant.  Apparently, granny was a fan of DIY home improvement because the file was brimming with ads and articles for tile projects, wallpaper hanging, and clever uses for contact paper and cork board.  By far, and I mean faaaaaaarrrrr, the most unusual and disturbing article came from the July 1970 issue of Popular Science.

"Turniture" by Lester Walker, designer of "Living Machines"

This piece, entitled "Turniture II" is a 4-in-1 Rocker Table that "serves
 all the patio functions" for which any popular scientist could desire.

I am willing to play along with the idea of two, maybe three, of the functions.  Picnic table?  Sure. Playhouse?  Why not?  Bar?  Well...  When one reviews the design of the picnic table turned playhouse turned bar, it becomes evident that the bartender would have to shimmy under the brace/divider piece, in essence locking himself into the role of bartender until the time came to turn "Turniture II" to its tabletop formation.  Giant, four-person rocking chair/boat?  As wacky as it may seem, I think I'm going to have to take a pass.  The models in the photo do nothing to ease my discomfort; Edgar and Rhonda look like rejects from the Glen Valley Country Club key party - alienated due to a total disregard for proper personal hygiene and a wild refusal to play by the rules.

"The passing of the front porch left a void in neighborly relaxation that has been filled
by the backyard patio.  I designed this four-man rocker as a replacement for the old
 porch swing, but realized it would have to earn its space with other outdoor functions."

So, Mr. Walker, we are to believe that your intention behind this giant, plywood behemoth is something as homespun as front-porch sitting and neighborly inetraction?  I'm not saying - but I'm just saying - drugs obviously played an integral role in the design.

Admittedly, I am no popular scientist (or unpopular scientist for that matter), so this one- 

page set of instructions for "One-man, thirty minute" assembly is insufficient for my 

meager abilities.  I'm much more conditioned to the IKEA brand of furniture assembly. 

And what's with the name?  "Plywood Rocker Table?"  Give me a Spirflunkt any day.

In doing some research on the designer of this plywood behemoth, I learned that just one year prior to the printing of our article, Walker debuted and coined the term "Turniture" in the July 1969 issue of Popular Science.

Bed, cafe table, dining table, and "discreet 'tete-a-tete' couch."
(Source)

Not only was Walker a forerunner of owner-assembled, multi-use furniture, he also pioneered the idea of space conscious dwellings in a series of books about Tiny Houses.  Truly, I can appreciate Walker's concept.  My counterintuitive practicality, however, makes me wonder if there is something about the execution of his "living machines" that leaves something to be desired; patent leather pillows and adult-sized playground equipment just give me the creeps.

I acknowledge the fact that furniture building is beyond my realm so the 4-in-1 will remain unmade for the time being; Mr. Tiny will not be rockin' that boat.  Now that I have the article as part of the wacky tacky library, I think I'll file it under "Bizarre, 70's Fads" (see: life-size pantyhose dolls).

"Rock the Boat" - Hues Corporation

Cheers!

Mr. Tiny