Sunday, February 24, 2013

Crazy Crafty: 4-in-1 Rocker Table


I'm not going to exhibit any false bravado; this makes me extremely uncomfortable.

The word on wacky tacky is out and people are now giving me ideas/items that they think will work for the blog.  Such was the case when I received a bulging file of newspaper and magazine clippings that once belonged to the grandmother of our pal, Nicole, over at Swellegant.  Apparently, granny was a fan of DIY home improvement because the file was brimming with ads and articles for tile projects, wallpaper hanging, and clever uses for contact paper and cork board.  By far, and I mean faaaaaaarrrrr, the most unusual and disturbing article came from the July 1970 issue of Popular Science.

"Turniture" by Lester Walker, designer of "Living Machines"

This piece, entitled "Turniture II" is a 4-in-1 Rocker Table that "serves
 all the patio functions" for which any popular scientist could desire.

I am willing to play along with the idea of two, maybe three, of the functions.  Picnic table?  Sure. Playhouse?  Why not?  Bar?  Well...  When one reviews the design of the picnic table turned playhouse turned bar, it becomes evident that the bartender would have to shimmy under the brace/divider piece, in essence locking himself into the role of bartender until the time came to turn "Turniture II" to its tabletop formation.  Giant, four-person rocking chair/boat?  As wacky as it may seem, I think I'm going to have to take a pass.  The models in the photo do nothing to ease my discomfort; Edgar and Rhonda look like rejects from the Glen Valley Country Club key party - alienated due to a total disregard for proper personal hygiene and a wild refusal to play by the rules.

"The passing of the front porch left a void in neighborly relaxation that has been filled
by the backyard patio.  I designed this four-man rocker as a replacement for the old
 porch swing, but realized it would have to earn its space with other outdoor functions."
So, Mr. Walker, we are to believe that your intention behind this giant, plywood behemoth is something as homespun as front-porch sitting and neighborly inetraction?  I'm not saying - but I'm just saying - drugs obviously played an integral role in the design.


Admittedly, I am no popular scientist (or unpopular scientist for that matter), so this one- 
page set of instructions for "One-man, thirty minute" assembly is insufficient for my 
meager abilities.  I'm much more conditioned to the IKEA brand of furniture assembly. 

And what's with the name?  "Plywood Rocker Table?"  Give me a Spirflunkt any day.

In doing some research on the designer of this plywood behemoth, I learned that just one year prior to the printing of our article, Walker debuted and coined the term "Turniture" in the July 1969 issue of Popular Science.

Bed, cafe table, dining table, and "discreet 'tete-a-tete' couch."
(Source)
Not only was Walker a forerunner of owner-assembled, multi-use furniture, he also pioneered the idea of space conscious dwellings in a series of books about Tiny Houses.  Truly, I can appreciate Walker's concept.  My counterintuitive practicality, however, makes me wonder if there is something about the execution of his "living machines" that leaves something to be desired; patent leather pillows and adult-sized playground equipment just give me the creeps.

I acknowledge the fact that furniture building is beyond my realm so the 4-in-1 will remain unmade for the time being; Mr. Tiny will not be rockin' that boat.  Now that I have the article as part of the wacky tacky library, I think I'll file it under "Bizarre, 70's Fads" (see: life-size pantyhose dolls).

"Rock the Boat" - Hues Corporation


Cheers!

Mr. Tiny

12 comments:

  1. Fascinating! The rocker thing freaks me out a little but I've never been a daredevil. Not even for small things like adult rockers and childhood teeter-totters. That bed totally reminds me of Barbie furniture! And how small would one's apartment have to be to make a person want to turn the foot of their bed into a breakfast nook? "Good morning, dear! Just having some toast and watching you sleep!"

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    1. Hahahaha!!! It totally freaks me out too. The whole mess just reminds me of weird suburban swingers!

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  2. Wow... Just, wow.... I am full agreeance on the crept factor of "adult playground furniture and leather accessories.

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    1. I'm glad that I'm not alone. There is no reason that four grown people need to be sitting in an oversized rocking chair all at the same time.

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  3. Ok, I want the rocker. But that is because I love anything that I can climb on and possibly injure myself with. Like how I almost broke my arm doing flips off a rope onto the trampoline. Yeah, I was 28 when that happened. I bet I could rock really hard and get it to flip over....

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    1. You have all the daredevil attitude that I was born without. All of those sound like ER horror stories waiting to happen. However, I do encourage you to build it and document the results!

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  4. oh my...I want all of this turniture. I love the couples rocking chair. How romantic and unsafe.

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    1. You can have it; it's as easy as two sheets of plywood, one half hour, and a can of glossy red paint (optional). I will have to look for the August 1970 issue of Popular Science - I have a feeling a huge retraction/warning/waiver of liability was published.

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  5. Umm, I actually dig it as a bar or even as a picnic table, but as a rocker it's scary. It's probably because I'm still child sized at 4'11''. It'd probably get smooshed by the ends after falling through those holes! It has a groovy vibe to me. I would love it in a bright turquoise color! I can't believe I just used the words dig it and groovy to describe it, I need to quit watching retro tv shows! lol

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    1. Outta site! See, I'm playing along. Hahahaha!!! Yeah, even if I thought the concept was sound, I have a feeling that a giant plywood rocker would be extremely dangerous...no matter how tall you are.

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  6. You're a douche. Why do you feel so compelled to post disrespectful comments about the people in these photos? Or take so many unsubstantiated shots at a design you haven't even attempted to build or test yourself? Does this behavior make you feel superior? I realize the latest posts are over a year old but that doesn't change the obvious fact that you are a douche nozzle.

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