Kitsch-en Kounter: Stadium Sliders & Football Potato Salad

The fact is I've never watched a Super Bowl game in my life (and Super Bowl XLVIII will be no exception).  I honestly don't know that I remember ever sitting through the entirety of any football game - the longest stretch being that panicky moment when I dropped the remote while channel surfing and got stuck on a channel devoted to the NFL.  "Why me," I pleaded aloud as my stubby fingers pawed the ground for the only thing standing between me and a very special "Tour of Southern California" episode of The Lawrence Welk Show.

Football?!!!  "PU!!!"
You ain't kidding Goofy...you ain't kidding.
(Source)

I don't understand football and I certainly don't understand the love of football.  I was the kid in PE who loved not having the ball thrown to me (and recoiled in abject horror when it was).  I was the kid who begged to be picked last for a team - more time to day dream about the complexities of "Tico Tico."  I try to tell myself that the love of football is the same as my love for The Lawrence Welk Show or my passion for accordion music but for the life of me, I just can't seem to find the connection.  Why is the Super Bowl practically a national holiday when Myron Floren's birthday passes each year without so much as a mention on the evening news?  I only stress the point to illustrate what a super fan of the Super Bowl (and sports in general) I am not.  Then again, I don't drink.  One thing I can get behind is a good party; and the Super Bowl is as good an excuse for a party as any.  A party, however, is only as good as its food.

The other day my friend posted a link to a recipe for something called a "Taco Ring;" the photo piqued my interest but the name and the ingredients left me cold.  Poppin' Fresh crescent rolls have their fine points (that coronary-inducing, dynamite explosion of dough when nervously peeling away the label) but filling a wreath of them with seasoned taco meat didn't seem like the best allocation of resources.  I wondered how I could tweak the brilliant idea to suit my wacky tacky tastes and create something adequate enough to satiate hardcore sports fans and weird enough to distract me from the tedium of an organized sporting event - Stadium Sliders!!!

The letterman patches are apropos of nothing really except to prove that I
was a little bit sporty; I lettered three times - in Academic Decathlon.  To
accompany the Stadium Sliders, I made a mock-potato salad out of potato
gnocchi.  Just look at them; they're all the shape of little footballs.  My
recipe calls for crumbled bacon, furthering the meal's "pigskin" premise.
I even presented the salad in a football-shaped serving bowl - when I
commit to a theme, I commit!

I called my riff on the original recipe (easily adaptable to red-meat-free or veggie diets) "Stadium Sliders" because the ring, topped with frilled toothpicks was, to me at least, reminiscent of a football stadium.  To make them, I par-cooked twelve slider-size burgers (I wanted them to finish cooking in the oven).  I unrolled the dough and, with wide sides toward the center, created a crescent roll starburst.  I centered the patties over the wide part of each roll and after topping the burgers with cheese, folded the points over the meat and baked the whole thing at 375º for twelve minutes.  Once the sliders were cooked, I filled the center and exterior of the ring with shredded lettuce (kind of like the stadium turf) and grape tomatoes (kind of football and/or helmet shaped) and speared each slider with a pickle and an olive.  With the usual condiment suspects available for folks to dress their burgers as they wished, the Stadium Sliders were ready to slice and eat.

As any good Kitsch-en Kounter gourmand knows, crescent roll dough comes in a tube of eight.  Because I only needed twelve to make the sliders, I filled the remaining four rolls with chocolate chips and made a football-shaped dessert!

By default (the colors of frilled toothpicks which I had on hand were blue &
orange), I suppose that I'm rooting for the Denver Broncos.  Yes, I do know
who's playing; in fact, I always manage to shock family and friends with my
uncanny ability to sweep the "Sports Team by City" category on Jeopardy.
 Just because I don't like sports doesn't mean I shouldn't have a perfunctory
knowledge should a sports-related conversation arise.  GO BRONCOS!!!
Or something...

This counts as a Bronco, right???

Are you a football fan?  Do you watch the game or do you focus on the food?  Are your responsible for making any of the game day fare?  For whom are you rooting this year?  However you're spending February 2, we hope that your heart (and your belly) are full!


Cheers!

Mr. Tiny