Driving by the Elks Lodge on a regular basis as part of my thrifting rounds and seeing the sign advertising the weekly Bingo game, I always thought to myself, "We've got to get to Bingo Night tout suite!" Well, several months and several drive-bys later, we finally made it to Bingo. If you're as unfamiliar with professional Bingo as I was, the realities of an evening spent playing are rather accurately summed up in this episode of Roseanne (not much of an exaggeration and a bonus for featuring Edie McClurg).
Selected scenes from "Roseanne Plays Bingo" - Roseanne
As a Bingo beginner, I wasn't sure what to expect at Bingo Night but I was secretly hoping it would be exactly like Roseanne. Fortunately, Bingo Night delivered fully on the promised the sit-com's portrayal of grandmotherly types taking rather seriously this game of chance.
Although it's a popular method of making something old and seemingly-boring sound exciting, the phrase "This isn't your grandmother's Bingo" could not be further from the truth. Indeed, Bingo Night at the Elks Lodge is very much your Nana's Bingo; what it isn't is your Bingo. This is not the childhood game with a single five-by-five, square card and a bunch of coins, beans, or buttons. What Bingo Night is is a three-hour exploration into the human desire to exploit the mystery of luck. Rows and rows of fortune hunters hold court with their lucky cats, troll dolls, photos of dead relatives, $90-120 worth of bingo sheets, and of course, their color-coordinated bingo markers (some with ergonomic grips)! This Bingo had a computerized Bingo King machine. This Bingo had fast-paced, high-stakes rounds of play. This Bingo had light boards, and sound equipment, and multiple video monitors. This Bingo was going to leave us in its dust if we didn't catch up!
Although it's a popular method of making something old and seemingly-boring sound exciting, the phrase "This isn't your grandmother's Bingo" could not be further from the truth. Indeed, Bingo Night at the Elks Lodge is very much your Nana's Bingo; what it isn't is your Bingo. This is not the childhood game with a single five-by-five, square card and a bunch of coins, beans, or buttons. What Bingo Night is is a three-hour exploration into the human desire to exploit the mystery of luck. Rows and rows of fortune hunters hold court with their lucky cats, troll dolls, photos of dead relatives, $90-120 worth of bingo sheets, and of course, their color-coordinated bingo markers (some with ergonomic grips)! This Bingo had a computerized Bingo King machine. This Bingo had fast-paced, high-stakes rounds of play. This Bingo had light boards, and sound equipment, and multiple video monitors. This Bingo was going to leave us in its dust if we didn't catch up!
As soon as we entered the hall, we were marked as beginners - we came prepared with neither Bingo talismans nor markers, we had bingo game sheets that had to be replaced twice because we immediately messed them up, and we wore facial expressions reserved for the recently lobotomized. Arriving just a few minutes late for the earlybird game, we had to find seats at the very front of the hall. As we wound our way to the last remaining tabletop not already plastered with Bingo sheets and assorted Bingo paraphernalia, I sensed that my novice's confusion was directly related to the confusion of seasoned onlookers; only then did I remember that my Bingo-night attire suggested that I was an old pro.
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| B-I-N-G-O and Bingo was his name-O!!! I might not know how to play Bingo, but I know how to dress for Bingo! I said that I wanted to dress silly but, as a newcomer, not garner too much attention (the Bingo hall can draw a pretty tough crowd). With only a few minutes to throw something together, I settled on polyester high-waters in brown houndstooth, a barkcloth aloha shirt, a golden cardigan, black socks and white, tasseled loafers - Bingo Night perfection! |
Fortunately, we were taken under the wing of a surprisingly-young and helpful woman who told us that she makes the Bingo scene every week. She did her best to explain the basics but it was clear that our propensity toward uncomfortable giggling combined with our endless questioning was not going to make us favorites among our tablemates. Frankly, I believe there was a prevailing and very-genuine concern that our lack-of-beginner's luck was going to rub off. Seeing that we were still unable to fully decipher the details on the program outline, we even got a couple pointers from the Bingo caller himself!
As with any subculture, there is a certain amount of associated jargon - "Bingo Lingo" if you will (or even if you won't) - that must be learned if one wants to thrive in the Bingo world (see: "Lightning Dog," "Crazy Kite," "Money Train"). But Bingo, which incidentally is the most mundane form of gambling (beating out Rock, Paper, Scissors and a coin toss by a wide margin), extends far beyond a game; Bingo people are a race unto themselves, complete with their own stereotypes. There is the elderly man who keeps shouting "Bingo" even though he is nowhere near a win; we'll call him Paul...because that was his name. There is the ancient lady who makes everyone aware that she has outlived every single one of her teeth by abstaining from dentures and constantly exercising the agility of her tongue. There is the hardcore Bingo addict who arrives early to stake out prime real estate and spends an inordinate amount of time arranging his markers, charms, and homemade blackout chips. There is even the disgruntled woman of an age made indeterminate by extreme living whose chronic, hacking cough is interrupted only long enough to voice aloud her complaints about "newbies," cheaters, and less-than-adequate Bingo callers.
Friends have asked if we won and all I can say is that the evening transcended financial gain - which I guess translates to "no." While our Bingo Night might have exclusively been an emotional win, we definitely came away feeling like champions...at least in the dental department (which is actually saying quite a lot).
Oh, "B-4" I forget, I wanted to know, do you Bingo? Is your local Bingo Parlor as technologically advanced as the Elks Lodge? Have you ever had a big Bingo payday? When was the last time you screamed out "BINGO" in a public forum? If it has been a while, I say get thee to a Bingo Hall!
As with any subculture, there is a certain amount of associated jargon - "Bingo Lingo" if you will (or even if you won't) - that must be learned if one wants to thrive in the Bingo world (see: "Lightning Dog," "Crazy Kite," "Money Train"). But Bingo, which incidentally is the most mundane form of gambling (beating out Rock, Paper, Scissors and a coin toss by a wide margin), extends far beyond a game; Bingo people are a race unto themselves, complete with their own stereotypes. There is the elderly man who keeps shouting "Bingo" even though he is nowhere near a win; we'll call him Paul...because that was his name. There is the ancient lady who makes everyone aware that she has outlived every single one of her teeth by abstaining from dentures and constantly exercising the agility of her tongue. There is the hardcore Bingo addict who arrives early to stake out prime real estate and spends an inordinate amount of time arranging his markers, charms, and homemade blackout chips. There is even the disgruntled woman of an age made indeterminate by extreme living whose chronic, hacking cough is interrupted only long enough to voice aloud her complaints about "newbies," cheaters, and less-than-adequate Bingo callers.
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| There is the new guy who thinks it's all a big joke. Wait a second...that's me... What I didn't think was a joke was the cost and duration of Bingo Night. Averaging only one dollar per game (if one plays only one sheet - a highly-unusual practice), it definitely adds up in both money and time; we were there for over three hours! |
Friends have asked if we won and all I can say is that the evening transcended financial gain - which I guess translates to "no." While our Bingo Night might have exclusively been an emotional win, we definitely came away feeling like champions...at least in the dental department (which is actually saying quite a lot).
Oh, "B-4" I forget, I wanted to know, do you Bingo? Is your local Bingo Parlor as technologically advanced as the Elks Lodge? Have you ever had a big Bingo payday? When was the last time you screamed out "BINGO" in a public forum? If it has been a while, I say get thee to a Bingo Hall!
Cheers!
Mr. Tiny
Thanks for bringing us all into the high stakes world of Bingo! I've wanted to infiltrate a game for years, but here in PA you can still smoke when playing bingo in many places, and I can't bear to sit in that nicotine stained fog just for the sake of irony! At least we know what we could expect! Thanks Mr. T & Mary for taking the fall for us!
ReplyDeleteOh man, I couldn't deal with the smoke either!!! Just live vicariously through us...unless you have better luck than tiny & Mary.
DeleteCan I just say, we must be kindred. A couple years ago, my friend Alex wanted to drive to the KY line and play bingo one saturday (it is illegal in Tennessee..Boo.). It never happened for whatever reason, but the days leading up to it, all I could fantasize about was it being just like Roseanne. I wanted to sit next to a wackadoo with troll dolls and snow globes and 900 cards. That was the dream. It is becoming abundantly clear to me in my adulthood that most situations I can somehow relate to 80s sitcoms.
ReplyDeleteIf it is any comfort, please know that it is pretty much exactly like Roseanne except the people around us were much nicer - just as crazy - but much nicer!
DeleteThe first time I played bingo, about eight years ago, I won a trip to Puerto Rico -- no joke. Actually, it was just four nights in a hotel, but still... I haven't played since, however. Sure could use a winter vacation!
ReplyDeleteWow!!! You have much better luck than either of us. Did you go to Puerto Rico? I have always thought it would be like a fascinating place to visit.
DeletePerfect outfit for the occasion! Sounds like a tough crowd at the old Elk’s. Closest I have come in recent times to BINGO is something a local bar has (or used to have) called DRINK-O. No matter which, my luck is usually ZIP-O. This reminds me of my first crab feed fundraiser which happened just last week at an American Legion Hall a couple hours from the Bay Area. A unique experience indeed! Can’t say we blended in much. If they found out I am vegetarian they might have chased me out of the building! Wonder if they have BINGO…
ReplyDeleteThere is something equally pleasant (old-timey) and frightening about lodges/American legion halls/Masonic temples. They're are so cool but unless you're in with the in crowd, you never quite feel at home!
Delete'There is the ancient lady who makes everyone aware that she has outlived every single one of her teeth by abstaining from dentures and constantly exercising the agility of her tongue.' - This had me rolling on the floor with laughter! :D
ReplyDeleteAn interesting thing about Bingo halls in the UK, is that many of them are housed in beautiful Art Deco buildings. There are certainly a few in London, which have amazing interiors, and yet have been ruined with bingo hall furnishings. I think that this is because the bingo companies need a huge space to house all the players, and are probably the only ones who can afford to buy/rent these buildings. Strange, but true! :)
Hahaha...I'm glad to know that I can make at least one person laugh. All the cool old buildings in LA are turned into Spanish-speaking churches (we sometimes go just to see the inside).
ReplyDeleteOh yes, the Art Deco buildings in London that are not bingo halls (or are no longer bingo halls) are Christian centres!
Deletethere is a restaurant here that does drag queen bingo on tuesday nights. we went once, but the prizes were just freebies from liquor companies (think plastic smirnoff cups and blow up tequila beach balls) so we didnt' go back. i would love to try "the real thing!" like kimmie said up there, it is illegal here so we would have to drive about an hour and a half to the border to partake.
ReplyDeleteOne would think that drag queens could do a lot better than promotional throw-aways!!! Next time you're in CA, we'll have a proper, if not as glamorous, Bingo Night!
DeleteQuite coincidentally, some friends and I recently hit up my local Eagles Hall for BINGO Night as well! Our bingo night was not quite as well attended as yours, but it appeared they have a staunch group of regulars. And an added treat, they all seemed thoroughly excited to have a buch of young middle-aged whipper-snappers joining them. Well, a few ladies didn't care for our enthusiasm or maybe they just didn't trust Karen's lucky Dream Pet poodle to which she was whispering numbers she wanted to come up.
ReplyDeleteOur night is $20 for 13 games, including the final Black-Out round (which may refer to your state after drinking several $3 bottles of champagne from the adjacent bar). And our board was charmingly un-modern -- one of those big, clunky light up things with GIANT numbers which was great because, much like my senior counterparts, I am both deaf as a post and nearsighted. We are definitely going back next month and bringing even more spry young friends!
It sounds like you all have the most fun. At our bingo night, Karen's dream pet would have seemed positively understated! I wasn't kidding when I said that there were plenty if photos of relatives who had moved on to the great bingo hall in the sky (good luck???). One of these days I'm going to have timey up with you party animals!!!
DeleteThe Carl's Jr. a few blocks east of Knott's Berry Farm used to give up half its dining room, at least on one afternoon of the week, for a bingo group. Not ideal for the players nor for the innocent by-sitters... (maybe it was only temporary, while the folks got their hall refurbished.)
ReplyDeleteBingo AND criss-cut fries???? Sounds like everyone is a winner!!!
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