Crazy Crafty: Rootin' Tootin' Cowboy Twine Holder or The Five Stages of Crafter's Grief

Whenever I am struck with the urge to get crazy crafty, I am reminded that I am not a true crafter.  For a true crafter would never question the act of spending time and money on something that is of negligible value and/or utility, a practice around which I can never fully wrap my mind.  And yet, I still persist on burning my extremities with hot glue, dulling precious sewing shears on paper, and using cotton balls for every purpose except their intended one.  What is a cotton ball's intended purpose anyway?  I can say with some certainty that whatever the purpose, it is probably not for gluing to a miniature, hand-painted garden gnome in order to create the lamb in your all-gnome (g)nativity scene - true story.  Realizing only now that cotton is a bit of an ironic choice to recreate a woolen coat, I must disclose that I hate the feeling of cotton balls; the very touch of a cotton ball and my skin begins to crawl and my tongue folds over sideways.  

With such an aversion to crafts and craft related accessories, I am often tempted to throw in the paint-spattered towel.  After so many "Crazy Crafty" projects, however, I've come to terms with the fact that maybe I'm simply experiencing The Five Stages of Crafter's Grief.

Easy-to-Makes (1966)

Still full of nervous energy from our big night playing with The Lucky Stars, I decided to expend it on some thematically-appropriate crafting.  Turning to that classic volume of elementary-level, seasonal paper crafting, Easy-to-Makes, I came upon a project that suited both my skill-set and my taste for vintage-style cowboy decor.  With spurs jingling-jangling-jingling, in sauntered "The Rootin' Tootin' Twine Holder."  Even the overly-practical, nay-saying crafter within couldn't deny the benefit of a "useful and decorative gift for the entire family."  You're welcome, family. 

Stage 1: Denial - This will be a cinch and won't take any time at all!
"Start with a cylindrical oatmeal, cornmeal, or salt box container to make this useful and decorative gift for the entire family.  With bands of construction paper, dress cowboy in belted blue jeans, fringed chaps, and bright shirt.  He not only hides a ball of twine under his broad-brimmed box-top hat, but he also keeps a small pair of scissors handy in his holster for cutting the twine.  The holster is fastened to the box with a paper fastener.  A fastener inserted next to the hole where the twine is released is used to keep twine from being accidentally pulled and tangled."

Stage 2: Anger - Where is my oatmeal container?!!  Darn it!!!
An oatmeal container would have been the obvious choice but the last time
I bought oatmeal was from Costco; we're still working our way through the
500-pound sack (mostly because the only way I take my oatmeal is in cookie
form).  I did have a couple small canisters of "instant food thickener" (don't ask)
that were just waiting for the right makeover moment.  Perfect...?

This is the point when I reached Stage 3: Bargaining - If I just get a proper container, then I will be true to the craft's origins and all my family's worries will end as they can finally stop wondering how to hide that hideous spool of twine while still keeping it ever at the ready.  Honestly, I almost talked myself into running to the grocery store and buying even more oatmeal just so I could empty the carton and use it for this project.  I quickly realized that even I am not that foolish.  Instead, I settled on the fact that this was to be a Rootin' Tootin' Double-Chambered Twine Holder.  I adhered the bottom of the two containers together so the snap-on lids faced out, both remaining functional.  It was now time for some decorating...and the next stage of crafter's grief!

Stage 4: Depression - Why am I doing this?  I just can't go on.
Do you ever reach a moment about halfway through a project when you question the ridiculous amount of time you're investing and wonder how you turned into that weird pre-middle-aged man gluing paper scraps to used food canisters?  Me too.  I'm pretty sure I took what was meant to be a ten-minute project for children and turned it into my magnum craft opus - the two-piece lid/hat alone took a good twenty minutes!!!  It all started with the blue jeans; blue jeans are supposed to have patch pockets so I added a couple with gold "topstitching."  Instead of a plain shirt, I dug deep in the paper reserves and found sticky-backed red gingham that I highlighted with two pearl snaps, a yellow vest, and a polka-dot scarf tie.  The fringed chaps are supposed to be woolies, which obviously required variation in color/shape/texture (and at least another twenty minutes).  I actually sewed the scissor holster on the sewing machine before studding it with rhinestones and attaching it to the grosgrain-ribbon belt.  I even finished the two holes from which the twine is pulled with tiny, brass eyelets.  For the sake of time, I won't go into the time spent on the hands, arms, hair, and face! 

Once the decoration was completed, I had another brief flash of, "What is this all for?"  Even after loading the top portion with baker's twine and the lower portion with everyday string, I questioned the use of my time and resources.  The minute I saw that face, however, I knew I had reached the final stage of crafter's grief.

Stage 5: Acceptance - Well, howdy, Lil' Tex!  Welcome to the "Crazy Crafty" family!
As a "useful and decorative gift for the entire family," a huge problem is solved.  I guess "I'll string along with you."

"I'll String Along With You" - Dick Powell

The one nice thing about Lil' Tex is that he can be adapted for a number of uses.  There's no reason say that, instead of twine, he couldn't hold your cowboy belt buckles, or your envelopes of baby-rattlesnake eggs, or the rolls of caps for your cap pistol.  The possibilities are endless!

What about you, are you crazy crafty?  Have we provided sufficient inspiration to motivate you to make a Rootin' Tootin' Cowboy Twine Holder of your very own?  Have you experienced the five stages of crafter's grief?  If so, please let wacky tacky be your craft-grief counselor!

Cheers!

Mr. Tiny