Thursday, November 13, 2014

Crazy Crafty: Rootin' Tootin' Cowboy Twine Holder or The Five Stages of Crafter's Grief

Whenever I am struck with the urge to get crazy crafty, I am reminded that I am not a true crafter.  For a true crafter would never question the act of spending time and money on something that is of negligible value and/or utility, a practice around which I can never fully wrap my mind.  And yet, I still persist on burning my extremities with hot glue, dulling precious sewing shears on paper, and using cotton balls for every purpose except their intended one.  What is a cotton ball's intended purpose anyway?  I can say with some certainty that whatever the purpose, it is probably not for gluing to a miniature, hand-painted garden gnome in order to create the lamb in your all-gnome (g)nativity scene - true story.  Realizing only now that cotton is a bit of an ironic choice to recreate a woolen coat, I must disclose that I hate the feeling of cotton balls; the very touch of a cotton ball and my skin begins to crawl and my tongue folds over sideways.  

With such an aversion to crafts and craft related accessories, I am often tempted to throw in the paint-spattered towel.  After so many "Crazy Crafty" projects, however, I've come to terms with the fact that maybe I'm simply experiencing The Five Stages of Crafter's Grief.

Easy-to-Makes (1966)

Still full of nervous energy from our big night playing with The Lucky Stars, I decided to expend it on some thematically-appropriate crafting.  Turning to that classic volume of elementary-level, seasonal paper crafting, Easy-to-Makes, I came upon a project that suited both my skill-set and my taste for vintage-style cowboy decor.  With spurs jingling-jangling-jingling, in sauntered "The Rootin' Tootin' Twine Holder."  Even the overly-practical, nay-saying crafter within couldn't deny the benefit of a "useful and decorative gift for the entire family."  You're welcome, family. 

Stage 1: Denial - This will be a cinch and won't take any time at all!
"Start with a cylindrical oatmeal, cornmeal, or salt box container to make this useful and decorative gift for the entire family.  With bands of construction paper, dress cowboy in belted blue jeans, fringed chaps, and bright shirt.  He not only hides a ball of twine under his broad-brimmed box-top hat, but he also keeps a small pair of scissors handy in his holster for cutting the twine.  The holster is fastened to the box with a paper fastener.  A fastener inserted next to the hole where the twine is released is used to keep twine from being accidentally pulled and tangled."

Stage 2: Anger - Where is my oatmeal container?!!  Darn it!!!
An oatmeal container would have been the obvious choice but the last time
I bought oatmeal was from Costco; we're still working our way through the
500-pound sack (mostly because the only way I take my oatmeal is in cookie
form).  I did have a couple small canisters of "instant food thickener" (don't ask)
that were just waiting for the right makeover moment.  Perfect...?

This is the point when I reached Stage 3: Bargaining - If I just get a proper container, then I will be true to the craft's origins and all my family's worries will end as they can finally stop wondering how to hide that hideous spool of twine while still keeping it ever at the ready.  Honestly, I almost talked myself into running to the grocery store and buying even more oatmeal just so I could empty the carton and use it for this project.  I quickly realized that even I am not that foolish.  Instead, I settled on the fact that this was to be a Rootin' Tootin' Double-Chambered Twine Holder.  I adhered the bottom of the two containers together so the snap-on lids faced out, both remaining functional.  It was now time for some decorating...and the next stage of crafter's grief!

Stage 4: Depression - Why am I doing this?  I just can't go on.
Do you ever reach a moment about halfway through a project when you question the ridiculous amount of time you're investing and wonder how you turned into that weird pre-middle-aged man gluing paper scraps to used food canisters?  Me too.  I'm pretty sure I took what was meant to be a ten-minute project for children and turned it into my magnum craft opus - the two-piece lid/hat alone took a good twenty minutes!!!  It all started with the blue jeans; blue jeans are supposed to have patch pockets so I added a couple with gold "topstitching."  Instead of a plain shirt, I dug deep in the paper reserves and found sticky-backed red gingham that I highlighted with two pearl snaps, a yellow vest, and a polka-dot scarf tie.  The fringed chaps are supposed to be woolies, which obviously required variation in color/shape/texture (and at least another twenty minutes).  I actually sewed the scissor holster on the sewing machine before studding it with rhinestones and attaching it to the grosgrain-ribbon belt.  I even finished the two holes from which the twine is pulled with tiny, brass eyelets.  For the sake of time, I won't go into the time spent on the hands, arms, hair, and face! 

Once the decoration was completed, I had another brief flash of, "What is this all for?"  Even after loading the top portion with baker's twine and the lower portion with everyday string, I questioned the use of my time and resources.  The minute I saw that face, however, I knew I had reached the final stage of crafter's grief.

Stage 5: Acceptance - Well, howdy, Lil' Tex!  Welcome to the "Crazy Crafty" family!
As a "useful and decorative gift for the entire family," a huge problem is solved.  I guess "I'll string along with you."

"I'll String Along With You" - Dick Powell

The one nice thing about Lil' Tex is that he can be adapted for a number of uses.  There's no reason say that, instead of twine, he couldn't hold your cowboy belt buckles, or your envelopes of baby-rattlesnake eggs, or the rolls of caps for your cap pistol.  The possibilities are endless!

What about you, are you crazy crafty?  Have we provided sufficient inspiration to motivate you to make a Rootin' Tootin' Cowboy Twine Holder of your very own?  Have you experienced the five stages of crafter's grief?  If so, please let wacky tacky be your craft-grief counselor!


Cheers!

Mr. Tiny

12 comments:

  1. OMG you got me laughing so with this project description (but the finished project is absolutely adorable)! I have been there, as well - last Christmas break, I decided to make one of those wooden spool wreaths that I saw on Pinterest. Well, I had all these empty wooden spools, and decided that I would purchase embroidery floss to give them some color. I spent every evening gluing floss to spools.....and gluing and wrapping and wrapping and gluing. Of course, I ran out of floss and had to run out to get more! I then chose to glue the spools to a grapevine wreath - talk about painful experience with a hot glue gun. Oy. I ran out of wooden spools and had to go to a local antique mall to get more. Granted, the finished project is very pretty, BUT IT WEIGHS A TON. I am really proud of my wreath, though.
    Lisa

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    1. Your wreath sounds awesome and probably worth every bit of effort!!! Whether I care to admit it or not, I am in constant need of a creative outlet; crafting (as silly as my projects are) fills that need. Thanks!!!

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  2. he is so cute! i like yours even better than the original! and i've definitely been there, elbow deep in a craft project, cursing the heavens because it doesn't look right or i'm out of the stick on sequins i need!

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    1. Thanks, Rae!!! Aaargh...running out of materials stinks! Fortunately, Lil' Tex didn't require any emergency runs to the craft store.

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  3. Does it keep our sanity? I bought the remains of a fashion supply store that went out of business. It was 80 boxes of stuff. My son called me a hoarder. I denied it but I knew he was right. So later I admitted it.. Crafters have to have a ton of stuff to make stuff with. There are times when I think what the hell am I doing this for? I have a ton of stuff to do, a house to clean, papers to go through, work to do and I am gluing buttons onto a white album no one will ever see? Here's where I need your help. I think to myself, so and so, who is thin and seems like her life is perfect would never IN A MILLION YEARS be wasting time on this crazy ass project. Making gift tags out of small pieces of embroidered burlap. So and so would never be buying this crazy ass stuff and sitting here gluing a lace skirt onto an ugly Marie Antoinette statue that simply needed a makeover that looks great now. I bought a bunch of tiny plastic food at the swap meet the other day just bec its small and kitsch. But I wonder why am I not doing bigger things???? So and so would be doing much more important things. What the hell am I doing this for? Am I wasting time? Stupid? Aimless? I love your cowboy, He's awesome though.

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    1. I think whether we like it or not, we need the creative outlet. History is just jammed with arts and crafts; they're the things that define civilizations and the things we end up treasuring most. And yet I still can't help but wonder why I spend my time sewing a rhinestone-studded, paper holster for scissors?!?!! Hahaha!!!

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    2. Isn't crafting better than gambling and drinking and smoking? I'd rather spent dough on buttons, ribbon and paint than slot machines or anti-depressant prescriptions. I do get a kind of high when I make something and it turns out well. I made tiny chocolate coconut cake out of a wooden checker piece and white crayon shavings once and the feeling of joy was pretty cool. When you say define civilizations do you mean we have be more than about WORK WORK WORK produce, achieve??? or the stuff that gets into museums makes humans proud? Or do you think the people who craft are depriving themselves in one area of life so the energy comes out in crafts? I think I deny my feelings about things that bug me. I put up with a lot and then I hit the flea marts and load up on cool junk.!!!!! Do you do that????

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    3. Yes, but what happens when someone is a gambling, drinking, smoking crafter? Hahahaha!!! Coconut cake is my absolute favorite although I limit it to about every other birthday because I will likely eat the entire thing; your creation sounds perfect! I was definitely referring more to the museum stuff - pottery, paintings, beadwork, etc. is as old as time and obviously a universal human need. I've been on a kick of trying to whittle down the stash rather than junking for more...but sometimes the temptation is too great to resist.

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  4. I think your oatmeal box cowboy is FREAKING cute and you're a genius!

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    1. Thanks a million!!! I'll leave the title of "genius" to the editors of the "Easy-to-Makes" book.

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  5. I read this post last night well after midnight and it put me into a laughing jag that just would not stop. My husband joined in but mostly because my spasms of giggling were as hilarious as this post. AND the comments made me laugh all the more. I'm looking back at it today and I still enjoy it but am able to control myself. Thanks, Mr. Tiny.

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    1. Hahaha!!! I'm glad somebody is getting a kick out of Lil' Tex! Thanks, Cheryl!

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