Friday, March 22, 2013

Glam Fam or: How I Learned to Start Worrying and Hate My Sweatpants

Do you ever go through old family photos and end up feeling like a total schlub?  I had a chance to get into some preliminary Spring cleaning today and got easily distracted by something infinitely more interesting than clearing out the garage - a box of family photos ranging in date to as far back as 100 years.  What a score!!!  The problem is that the result of cleaning a garage in a t-shirt and pants of the sweat variety is seeing my forebears all dolled up and realizing that, though they dressed themselves intentionally for photos, even on their worst day, they still looked better than me...by a lot.  Granted, these photos are of women; nevertheless, they had me feeling simultaneously proud (of my glamorous heritage) and ashamed (of my sweatpants/self).

My dad's cousin Sylvia; but we always called her "Topper."
In fact, that is how she signed this series of headshots, "Affectionately, Topper,"
 from her days as a hostess at Hollywood's famed supper club, Ciro's.

My favorites are the bottom two; the left is all sweet, girl-next-door innocence and soft curls
and the right is all heavy-browed, brooding, French Resistance mystery.  She had range!!!

The next few photos are of my paternal grandmother's great-aunt Velma.  "Topper" and "Velma," does it get any more glamorous than that?  Well, yes.  Yes, I guess it does.  Now Velma isn't someone I would call a kind woman, a thoughtful woman, or a woman generous of spirit.  She did, however, fancy herself a glamour-puss and never shied away from a camera.  Seriously, there exists in the family archives a series of "artsy" photos of Velma, including one of her crawling up a staircase in the nude.  One day, after Auntie V's passing, we were helping my grandmother sift through Velma's things and we came upon the photos.  My grandma was extremely upset but obviously unwilling to let go of family history; the the next time we saw the photos (after my grandmother passed) the offending parts of the photograph were carefully removed using manicuring scissors.  The combination of a slightly-perverted great-great-uncle and an exhibitionist great-great-aunt (hard to put two "greats" in her title when she wasn't really all that great), make for some fun, and nightmare inducing, wacky tacky family history.

Velma and a man unknown to me (circa 1930's).
Okay, so she might not be a challenge to Wallis Simpson, but it is hard to beat a 30's
 frock, a corsage, and a wide-brimmed hat while sitting on the running board of a car.

A hand-tinted photo of Velma practically upholstered in leopard (circa late 40's).
Is there anything more wacky tacky than leopard on leopard on rhinestones?

Velma in the 50's
That cockeyed plume, the dramatic lighting, and the stone martens casually draped around
 her shoulders are wonderful but they really just play supporting roles to that crazy, fish-net
 veiling stretched over her chin.

I guess I'm running a little low on creative inspiration here, but these photos struck me as worthwhile and worthy of sharing.  I always think that if, Heaven forbid, we were to suffer a house fire, I would definitely grab all the photos and then RUN...or stop, drop, and roll...whatever it is that one is supposed to do in a fire.

BONUS PHOTO:

Leona & Bob (circa 1950)
See what I mean?  This was a candid shot of my grandparents and they still look spectacular!
The soaring ceilings, patterned wallpaper, and chenille sofa aren't hard on the eyes either.
Also, why can't I look just a little bit like my grandpa?!

 In the end, no matter how glamorous people in my family may have been, we all end up wrapping up the remnants of our biscuits-and-gravy breakfast in paper napkins and putting the leftovers in our big, white purse so the cats can enjoy them later - or at least that was the precedent set by Velma in her waning years.  Do you have any family photos of which you are particularly proud?  Or any that make you feel like you should be trying harder or, at the very least, standing up straight (bad posture plagues me)?  Until the next round of Spring cleaning distractions, I remain yours, sincerely.


Cheers!

Mr. Tiny

p.s.  We're closing in on 200 followers; when we do, there will be another exciting giveaway.  Tell your friends, family, and neighbors.  If they join in on the fun, there will be PRIZES!!!  WOO HOO!!!  Thank you!

17 comments:

  1. WOW! Topper was quite a dame. I wanna be a hostess at a supper club...I'm not sure what that entails entirely...but it means you get headshots...and that I am ALL ABOUT!

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    1. Hostessing sounds like a perfect job; I think all you really have to do is look cute. I think we need to recreate Topper's photo shoot with you as the star of the show!

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  2. Here's a tip from my aunt who was a high-fashion model in the Fifties: when about to have one's pic taken,stand up straight and pull your shoulders down as far as they will go comfortably. This will make you feel like you are stretching your neck upwards, (which is what you DON'T want to do) so it is important to keep the gesture confined to the shoulders. This will prevent that awful stumpy "no-neck look" frequently seen in photos, and if you avoid stretching your neck it looks perfectly natural and much more flattering!.

    Plus, never stare directly at the camera lens. You will then look slightly cross-eyed (and often RED-eyed) as a result; always a charming look! (not!) Direct your gaze PAST the camera, just over the photographer's head, if you must look "at" the camera".

    Oh, and another thing: the reason most people dislike their photos and say "that doesn't look like me!' is because they are accustomed to their reflection the way it looks in a mirror, which shows you your face in REVERSE! Just about everyone has two differing sides to their face, (Claudette Colbert was completely obsessed with ONLY being filmed from her 'best" side) and a photo shows us our faces the way they REALLY look, as opposed to what one sees in the mirror! I used to get super ticked off with my pics until I realized it was the fact of the side parting of my hair being on the "wrong side" that was bugging me! I tried switching it, but after wearing it parted one way for 30 years, it's not an easy thing to change!

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    1. This is such good information. I get so panicky in front of the camera and always end up looking like a complete weirdo!

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  3. Wowzers! What stunners!!! How lovely to find those photos. Topper was a total honey! x

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    1. Thanks! It is one of my favorite pastimes to go through old family photos when I come across fancy ones like these, I've just got to share them.

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  4. Those are some lovely photos and history of families can be so fun. the little picture appearing next to this post is of my great aunt Veronica standing on a tire with some unknown gentleman taken sometime in the 30's. She too was always hamming it up for the camera. Keep in mind our ancestors had a lot less clothing choices than we do they wore nicer clothes because that was all they had.

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    1. I love connecting the dots through family history. Fortunately, I have some real family historians in our clan, so I just get to do the fun part and look at all the great pictures. You have a great-aunt Veronica with an unknown man on a tire; I have a great-great-aunt Velma with an unknown man on a running board...I think we might be related!!!

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  5. Julia Sugarbaker had a wonderful quote about sitting next to the hairy legs of people who wore shorts on planes. I also believed she was not a fan of rubber thongs!

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  6. How fantastic!! A glam fam indeed!! Velma was fierce, and Topper reminds me of a sultrier Audrey Hepburn.

    My ancestors were mostly working-class and grubby, and not exactly style icons, hehe, although my grandmother from Mississippi was a secretary in the '40s and had some great early-Joan Crawford working-girl looks. (Shoulder pads out to THERE and a ubiquitous cigarette!)

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    1. Wowee, I would love to see pics of your Mississippi grandmother looking like one Mildred Pierce! All my current kin are pretty working-class and grubby, so it never occurred to me that just a couple of generations back we would be so glamorous! Hahahaha!!!

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  7. Wow! It's a shame that Velma wasn't a nice lady because she was FABULOUS. And maybe a little kinky. I love the thought of your grandmother methodically cutting out her photographed naughty bits with tiny scissors. Topper was really beautiful too!

    "In the end, no matter how glamorous people in my family may have been, we all end up wrapping up the remnants of our biscuits-and-gravy breakfast in paper napkins and putting the leftovers in our big, white purse so the cats can enjoy them later - or at least that was the precedent set by Velma in her waning years. " - Hon, that could totally be the first line of a novel. Make. It. Happen.

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    1. You have just made my day!!! If the novel ever happens, don't be surprised if the dedication reads, "To Eartha."

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  8. OMG! You guys look so much like your Grandmother! I love genetics. Thanks for sharing these great photos!

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    1. Hahahahaha!!! Yes she had some pretty strong genes on her side of the family!!! Especially in the round face/big cheek department!

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  9. I hope my artistic nudes show up in the family photos someday! I'm going to get old and saggy, might as well show everyone how fabulous you can be. Go Aunt Velma! hahaha

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    1. Hahahahaha!!!! I wouldn't mind somebody else's artistic nudes show up. But there is something about seeing your Aunt Velma naked that causes irreparable harm to a young man's psyche!

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