Wednesday, November 4, 2015

Kitsch-en Kounter: Laura Petrie's Famous Avocado-Peanut Butter Dip

After innumerable viewings of The Dick Van Dyke Show, what once seemed bizarre and mildly-repulsive has started to sound vaguely appetizing.  In an episode entitled "All About Eavesdropping," the Petries engage in a one-way battle with their best friends and neighbors, the Helpers, after unintentionally overhearing a private conversation conveyed via a child's intercom.  Feelings are hurt when Millie considers the possibility that Laura left out the secret ingredient (mustard) when sharing  her prized recipe for avocado-peanut butter dip.  Wait a minute - AVOCADO-PEANUT BUTTER DIP?!?!!

We would tell you how good it is but our tongues
are permanently stuck to the roofs of our mouths.

What was certainly no more than a writers-room spoof on mid-century foodstuffs has become a years-long source of fascination and dialogue for the members of my family.  Finally deciding to research such recipes, we discovered that the only thing yielded by Google was other inquisitive DVD Show enthusiasts searching for the "real" avocado-peanut butter dip recipe.  So, in answer to their queries and to my own, I decided to write an original recipe for Laura Petrie's Famous Avocado-Peanut Butter Dip.  After all, I like peanut butter and I LOVE avocado; this was going to be a home-run!  I mean, how hard could it be; the key ingredients are listed right there in the title!

Living smack-dab in the middle of avocado country, we believe that nature's miracle fruit goes with/on everything!

I started by mashing the avocado and blending in a small amount of peanut butter but it was obvious that there was more to this gastronomic delight.  The only real clue to additional ingredients offered by the show is that mustard is key to the dip's success; thinking about the rich, velvety texture of avocado and the stodgy, fatty nature of peanut butter, it only makes sense that something acidic, like mustard, would be needed to lighten the heavy load.

It also occurred to me that lemon juice might brighten things up, balanced by the sweetness of a little
honey.  To add some drama, I sprinkled in a dash of cayenne pepper along with some salt and pepper.

If the ingredient list to Laura Petrie's Famous Avocado Peanut-Butter Dip isn't enough to turn your stomach, then the color must be.

Somewhere between the yellow mustard and the cayenne pepper, the dip's
resemblance to infant excrement was advancing at much too alarming a rate.

I had even considered adding some pressed garlic to the mix but good sense got the better of me.  In every Kitsch-en Kounter experiment, there is a time when the chef must be honest with himself; nothing was going to make this better.  Although I hate wasting food, it felt good to answer the question, "Is Avocado Peanut Butter Dip real?"  Yes, Virginia, Laura Petrie's Famous Avocado Peanut-Butter Dip is real - really disgusting.  Nevertheless, I feel compelled to share the recipe, one that might be better referred to as "schlock-amole," with my Kitsch-en Kounter Kulinary Kadets.

Laura Petrie's Famous Avocado-Peanut Butter Dip
We even found "Corn Curlies" with which to serve the dip - never mind that they're nacho-cheese flavor.

Laura Petrie's Famous Avocado-Peanut Butter Dip
(this can be made in quantities, but I wouldn't recommend it)

1 Large Avocado (pitted and mashed)
1 Tablespoon of Creamy Peanut Butter
1/4 teaspoon Yellow Mustard
1 Dash of Cayenne Pepper (this recipe is bordering on a health cleanse)
1 teaspoon Honey
Juice of 1 Lemon
Salt & Pepper to taste (although the taste is not going to get any better, trust me)

Blend all ingredients until smooth.  Serve with Corn Curlies, Wheat Whippies, Peanut Pippies, and/or Potato Poopies.  You are more than welcome to adjust the amounts and play with other ingredients but, as I said, it's never going to be good.  Believe me, "if you see it in the [wacky tacky], it is so."

This was a true Kitsch-en Kounter adventure that actually found success in its failure.  We learned (to our chagrin) that avocado doesn't always improve the taste of everything.  We also learned, for the benefit of all who wondered, that Laura Petrie's Famous Avocado Peanut-Butter Dip was indeed just a writers-room joke - and the joke is squarely on us.  "Oh, Roooooob!"

The Dick Van Dyke Show - "All About Eavesdropping" pt. I

The Dick Van Dyke Show - "All About Eavesdropping" pt. II

As we head into potluck season, instead of loading down the buffet table with yet another cheese ball or nonchalantly setting down the seventh store-bought platter of lifeless crudités, why not thrill partygoers by making Laura Patrie's Famous Avocado-Peanut Butter Dip?  Even if it tastes terrible, it is bound to keep everyone's coats nice and glossy - and they'll thank you for that!


Mr. Tiny


  1. you know i was really hoping you were going to crack the code and give us a delicious recipe! I too could put avocado on EVERYTHING, i guess not a peanut butter sandwich!

    1. Hahaha!!! It has been nagging at me; I don't like making things that are gross. I've been brainstorming with my brother to see how this can be saved. If we can save it, I'll be sure to post an update.

    2. A couple years have gone by and I am just seeing this post. There is a small window for appreciating my avocado peanut butter dip. It is for wings only and BBQ sauce is one of the ingredients. I will share nothing more! It's amazing though!

  2. Though I won't be trying the recipe, this post just made my day! :)

    1. You, in turn, have made my day! Thanks, Marie!

  3. What a great episode! It's too bad the dip is on the yucky side because it looks cute in that dip set!!! (I think in order to save the recipe, you'd need to leave out more than the mustard!!) LOL

    1. Hahaha!!! I think you're right. I'm pretty sure the whole experiment was just an excuse to break out the chip 'n dip set!