Chow Time: Clearman's North Woods Inn Covina

Would you believe that we've been experiencing a bit of a heat wave for the past week?

I have probably mentioned in passing that the weather we enjoy in Southern California is blessedly temperate.  In fact, some days leave it difficult to distinguish the difference between winter and summer.  To really get an understanding of the dramatic changes in season that others experience, we have two options - one, we book a flight to a remote destination and two, we resort to make believe.  Sadly, this practice drastically alters our perception.  When we do travel and come face to face with snow-capped mountains, falling snow, and icicle-lined roof tops, our only point of reference is Disneyland or Hollywood movies; we're so conditioned to making believe that we can't quite comprehend the reality.  One place where we get the opportunity to play make believe is at a small chain of restaurants called Clearman's North Woods Inn.  In our weekend meanderings, we found our way to the location in Covina, CA.

The wacky wagon is in the shop so Mr. Tiny
had to arrive the old-fashioned way.

North Woods Inn is an enormous, themed restaurant that tries to capture the wild atmosphere of a rustic, Yukon Territory inn catering to lumberjacks, fur trappers, and miners.  Isolated in a subarctic climate, there were a few necessities that these great frontiersmen of the north would need.

Food, check.

The menu at NWI is not particularly vegetarian-friendly, aside
 from their duo of salads and famous cheese toast. 

Drink, check.

Heat, check.

Quickly checking off the items on the list, North Woods Inn establishes the fact that sometimes frontiersmen need a little bit more than just the basic necessities.  That's where the wacky tacky checklist comes in; a swift scan of the sprawling interior shows that patrons are sustained by more than food.

Taxidermy, check.

This photo is not upside down, the bear skin rug is mounted on the ceiling.

Swingin' fire ring, check.

Ornate, Victorian-style lighting, check.

And check.
I've always been told that I had a perfect face for radio;
NWI makes me think I have a great face for near total darkness!

Tasteful nudes, check.

Check.

Aaaaaaannnd, check.
What's a lumberjack to do?  The north was a bitterly lonely place.

All of this photography left us even hungrier than when we came in.  Which was a good thing because at North Woods Inn, one better be as hungry as a...

...Bear.
The portions are generous and the salad and cheese bread are endless!

Mr. Tiny lacks patience and has a hard time sitting still.
Here he is performing his famous, floating-knife trick for the
surrounding tables as he waits for his dinner.

Mary took video of my act but it included the floating-knife theme
song, as sung by Mr. Tiny, as well as some spoilers on how the illusion
 is performed.  Pay no attention to the fork behind the curtain!!! 

Finally the food arrived.
Since the new year, I had stuck, very strictly, to a gluten-free lifestyle.
After two months of only mild suffering, and not achieving the desired results,
I gave up and ordered a sandwich on REAL BREAD!

Mary treated herself to a chocolate sundae!

North Woods Inn is not one of our usual haunts; we save it for adventure days and special occasions.  Upon reviewing the doggy bag, however, we realized that we are quickly becoming regulars; we have been to four of the five Clearman's outlets (you might recall our visit to Clearman's Steak 'n Stein Inn - a wacky tacky favorite). 

Clearman's Restaurants

So, if you are a Southern California native looking for a quick trip to the "Great, White North" or a homesick visitor from a colder clime, be sure to check out Clearman's North Woods Inn - snowshoes NOT required. 

Clearman's North Woods Inn
540 N Azusa Ave
Covina, CA
(626)331-7444

www.clearmansrestaurants.com (visit the website for other locations)


Cheers!

Mr. Tiny

Chow Time: Clearman's Steak 'n Stein Inn

It's official.  I am obsessed with  mid-century steakhouses.  The strangest part about this obsession is that I don't eat steak.  I don't like prime rib, baked potatoes, or creamed corn.  I do love bacon, but wrap it around a filet and you've lost me.  In general, I just don't like adult food that much and anything that I have to use a large, serrated knife to hack through, is something on which I will almost always take a pass.  What I do love is the atmosphere.  I love the semi-religious rituals engaged in by staff and patron.   I love a table-side preparation.  I love multiple courses delivered by a trolley.  I love a dimly lit room (even after discovering, post-meal, that the semi-darkness is probably used to shroud the evidence of a "B" rating that would be glaringly obvious under harsh, artificial light).

The most recent object of my obsession is Clearman's Steak 'n Stein Inn (est.1946).  Clearman's is a fairly well-known name in the restaurant industry of Southern California.  A name once emblazoned on restaurants  all over the San Gabriel Valley and surrounding environs, Clearman's still stands for wacky, old-timey dining at the five remaining restaurants that bear the Clearman's name.

I love architecture, but unfamiliar with accurate terminology, I honestly don't know how to describe the style of Steak 'n Stein; it is like a rustic, Spanish fort mated with a Black Forest brothel.

We didn't go out to eat very often when we were young; I guess five kids didn't make for a fun or affordable night out for the folks.  As a consequence of that bitter deprivation, I always feel funny when we go to a restaurant where the server wants to place my napkin in my lap.  I feel like I can conduct myself appropriately in any situation, but I am just not very fancy.   I felt a boost of confidence as we approached the entrance and read the simple dress code.  I figured this place couldn't be too fancy if the only item on the dress code was the of "sleeveless shirts" variety.

Good thing I layered a t-shirt under my tank top

If it's posted it twice and burned in wood, I guess they really mean it.

I don't eat steak and I don't drink.
Then what am I doing here?!?!?!

I go for this...in a big way.
An illustration of the S 'n S fireplace
(Source)

It is clear that the one-time circular fireplace
has become an indoor water feature.
(Source)

I guess if we can't have a ring of fire,
 we'll take a wacky water feature!
Is it wrong to love the musty/chlorinated smell of an indoor fountain?

I also like the bottle/stained glass windows -  from outside

...and in!

Mary and the S 'n S menu,
 a leather and brass affair standing in the middle of the table

 Clearman's is famous for their cheese toast and their salads
(a red cabbage slaw and an iceberg salad with bleu cheese dressing).
At Steak 'n Stein, guest are served the obligatory three,
but the salad is accompanied by a trio of
dressings and homemade croutons.  The reverence with which these
items was served, heightened the humble offerings to fine dining status.

The thing that really distinguishes Steak 'n Stein from it's
 siblings is the peanuts.
At Northwoods Inn, the peanuts are in the shells that are ready to be
discarded onto the floor.  The Galley doesn't even have peanuts.
Peanuts at Steak 'n Stein Inn are served at each table in a small
 glass carafe.  Now that's 3.5 Star dining.

Mary got the filet mignon, wedge salad.
The presentation might be a little lacking, but she said the taste was there.

I opted for the turkey club sandwich.
  In my ongoing effort to reduce, I shared my fries and left some on the plate - progress indeed!

The food was tasty and by the time we made it through the salads, we were already full.  I decided to walk it off by wandering through the restaurant to take in the scenery.  I'm telling you, the place was so dimly lit, that I could barely see all of the eight million calories I was consuming.  The photos may have suffered from the shadowy interior but here are some "highlights" of our dining experience.

The hostess stand

A view of one of  the dining rooms

Victorian-style light fixtures

I like the gnarly, branch-like columns at the bar.

Now that's a cuckoo clock!!!
 I'm not too familiar with cuckoo clock decoration but I don't
remember bird carcasses and crossed rifles in the cartoon
cuckoo clocks of my youth.

Chandeliers and clocks are nice but my favorite bit of decorating magic, the bit that seems to be a theme in steakhouses of this ilk, are the tasteful nudes.  It seems like such a funny thing to stare at whilst one devours a juicy slab of beef, but maybe the rich food and the sultry portraits combine to satisfy all of the human appetites.

It's been a few weeks since we've been to Clearman's Steak 'n Stein Inn; we're still talking about it and comparing it to the eateries we have subsequently patronized.  Much like the demure nudes, Steak 'n Stein has left us wanting more and we're sure to visit this landmark again.

(Source)

Clearman's Steak 'n Stein Inn

9545 E Whittier Blvd
Pico Rivera, CA
(562)699-8823

www.clearmans.com/steaknstein

Cheers!

Mr. Tiny