Collecting: "Dig" This Crazy Apron

It's not often that I buy anything from proper antique stores, but the way prices are skyrocketing at thrift stores, sometimes the deals are better and the sifting/digging element is minimized.  A while back we were at a local antique hotspot and we found a crazy apron.  No really, a "Crazy Apron."  Because I am also crazy, it took me two seconds flat to justify shelling out the dough for this entirely unnecessary piece of goods.  It was cheap (that's coming from someone who usually refuses to pay more than $3.99 for anything).  It was NOS.  It was a specimen of wacky tacky the likes of which there was nothing similar in our archives, and it was asking for a good home.  Since it was clear that nobody with a good home wanted it, it had to settle for my house.

"'Dig' This Crazy Apron"

As she will no doubt demand recognition, it was Mary who spotted the apron first.  Although, to be fair, it was on an eye-level shelf in a booth populated by items of muted and tones and entirely dissimilar provenance.  In short, it stuck out like a sore thumb so I can't give her too much credit.  Because this apron was new in its original packaging, we were fortunate to get the paper label that showed the other styles in the same line of novelty aprons created by the Parvin Manufacturing Company of Los Angeles.

Boy Howdy, would I have liked to have found the
"Chuckwagon Charlie" cowboy apron.  I love anything
western themed!

But I still count myself lucky to have ended up with "The Playboy" model.
"Illustration of apron in this package"
The Playboy, No. 461, is described on the package as
"Real animated fun in the most laugh-provoking apron ever designed!
Fascinating surprise pockets, crying towel, roving plastic eye, zipper,
cork, genuine fur trim [editor's note: there is no trace of fur trim
anywhere on the apron, genuine or otherwise], plastic bouttonniere, etc.
A host of amusing mottos and jokes!"

The Playboy

Was the fur trim supposed to be on his hat?
Also, to what is this in reference?  I couldn't make sense
 of it as an "amusing motto" or a "joke."

I'm the Chuck Norris of home cooks
 - I make the onions cry.

Tell me about it!!!

A cork "For the hole in your head"
I needed this apron like I needed another hole in my head
so the cork came in quite handy.

This is how I was raised.  Strangely enough, it
 never occurred to me to leave food behind...

Cause I'm the champ!!!

"Or"?!?!?!?!
Everything I want is illegal, immoral AND fattening!

to evil from evil

They call me Mr. Tiny but you can call me Mr. Tiny; I like to keep it professional.

Kilroy even makes an appearance.

A playboy is just a boy unless he is PLAYing a little grab a**!
Should an unruly partygoer disregard the warning, giving the fanny a pinch,
he would receive an unpleasant surprise... 

A squirt in the face courtesy of the plastic bouttonniere.
Unfortunately, sometime during the last half-century, the rubber
bulb and tube that propelled the water dried out and disintegrated.
 It would be easy enough to replace but knowing myself as well as I do,
 that will never happen.

At the Early Bird Cafeteria, you'll get your food, but there is only one item on the menu.

Now that is cheeky!
Just below the waist, there is an Emergency Exit.

I made vintage-style aprons for a long time and sold them relying on the fact that people's enthusiasm for vintage would actually carry over into their cooking and entertaining endeavors.  But I still wonder, does anyone actually wear an apron?  I cook all the time and NEVER wear one.  Indeed, chances are great that I'll never wear this apron..

...at least not for its intended purpose.
I so wanted to make it look like I was wearing nothing but the
 apron but that is truly an image that would haunt your dreams!

What about you?  Do you wear an apron when you get cookin'?  What's your favorite apron in your collection?

"Hey, Good Lookin'" - Hank Williams

Cheers!

Mr. Tiny