Crazy Crafty: The Love Boat

For a variety of reasons, I have been spending a great deal of time around the house as of late.  Let me tell you that it doesn't take long before a level dose of laundry, shopping, mopping, cooking, cleaning, diapers, and doctor appointments makes anyone appreciate the plight of a stay-at-home mom.  With so few opportunities to get out and about, one begins to forget about social interaction.  One forgets the way grown-ups behave.  One forms imaginary, yet very intense, friendships with daytime-television personalities.  One puts much more thought and energy into holiday crafts and decorating than ever before (it is really no wonder that Pinterest has blown up with a wealth of unattainable, perfectly-photographed crafts and foodstuffs).  No need to worry about that here!

I can never seem to capture and/or create anything Pinterest worthy.
It is only craft books that are intended for a more juvenile skill set, like
Easy-to-Makes(1966), that find this staunch anti-crafter wrapped in a
web of hot glue-gun strings. 

Lest you think that Mr. Tiny is turning mommy blogger, please be reminded that I, neither a mommy nor a woman (just for the record), limit my crafting to things that make me laugh, things that are wacky tacky, things that don't take much time, and things that don't cost an arm and a leg!  For Valentine's Day, I turned to page 28 of Easy-to-Makes for some holiday inspiration. 

I kind of loved the paper-plate "Cupid Carryall" but as I haven't needed
a themed mailbox for the big, classroom Valentine exchange in many years, I
figured that it made a lot more sense to go with the "Shipshape Party Favor." 

"Shipshape Party Favor" makes for a particularly ho-hum
kind of a name for this craft.  I mean, it's a cupcake-liner
with a heart sail, lollipop mast, and candy crew!
This  LOVE BOAT is ready to set sail!!!

Along with being an anti-crafter, I have always been a bit of an anti-cupcake advocate so the Love Boats (a craft employing cupcake liners) were a challenge to my sensibilities.  In the hierarchy of sweet treats, COOKIE IS KING - then cake (of the full-size variety), then trifle, then brownies, then pie, and then cupcakes!  On top of the fact that I always want the middle piece of cake (a cupcake is all edge piece), there is gene that I carry that makes me immediately revolt against an "it" item.  Seriously, haven't cupcakes had their fifteen minutes of fame already (sorry cupcake fans)?!?!?!!  Don't even get me started on the cro-nut! 

The Love Boats meet the wacky tacky, Crazy Crafty prerequisites of being
budget friendly (I had everything on-hand except for the discount Dum-Dums
and Valentine's M&M's) and easy-to-make (Thanks, Easy-to-Makes!).

The Love Boat!
Fancy with its iridescent, pipe-cleaner rigging, but not too fine, the Love Boats
would make a great jumping-off point for a nautical Valentine's table. 

We hope that as you sail into the sunset with your sweetheart this Valentine's Day, you'll feel like a first-class passenger on "The Love Boat."  Here's to a Happy and Nautical (naughty-cal?) Valentine's Day!  Cuchi-Cuchi!!!

"The Love Boat" as sung by Charo on The Love Boat

Cheers!

Mr. Tiny

B-I-N-G-O!!!!

Do you remember your first day of junior high school - not knowing where to go or where to sit, hoping you had the correct supplies, looking around for someone to show you the ropes, smelling the acrid stench of mystery body odors, stale cigarette smoke, and denture adhesive?  Oh...perhaps I am confusing junior high with Bingo Night at the local Elks Lodge.

Driving by the Elks Lodge on a regular basis as part of my thrifting rounds and seeing the sign advertising the weekly Bingo game, I always thought to myself, "We've got to get to Bingo Night tout suite!" Well, several months and several drive-bys later, we finally made it to Bingo.  If you're as unfamiliar with professional Bingo as I was, the realities of an evening spent playing are rather accurately summed up in this episode of Roseanne (not much of an exaggeration and a bonus for featuring Edie McClurg).

 Selected scenes from "Roseanne Plays Bingo" - Roseanne

As a Bingo beginner, I wasn't sure what to expect at Bingo Night but I was secretly hoping it would be exactly like Roseanne.  Fortunately, Bingo Night delivered fully on the promised the sit-com's portrayal of grandmotherly types taking rather seriously this game of chance.

Although it's a popular method of making something old and seemingly-boring sound exciting, the phrase "This isn't your grandmother's Bingo" could not be further from the truth.  Indeed, Bingo Night at the Elks Lodge is very much your Nana's Bingo; what it isn't is your Bingo.  This is not the childhood game with a single five-by-five, square card and a bunch of coins, beans, or buttons.  What Bingo Night is is a three-hour exploration into the human desire to exploit the mystery of luck.  Rows and rows of fortune hunters hold court with their lucky cats, troll dolls, photos of dead relatives, $90-120 worth of bingo sheets, and of course, their color-coordinated bingo markers (some with ergonomic grips)!  This Bingo had a computerized Bingo King machine.  This Bingo had fast-paced, high-stakes rounds of play.  This Bingo had light boards, and sound equipment, and multiple video monitors.  This Bingo was going to leave us in its dust if we didn't catch up!

As soon as we entered the hall, we were marked as beginners - we came prepared with neither Bingo talismans nor markers, we had bingo game sheets that had to be replaced twice because we immediately messed them up, and we wore facial expressions reserved for the recently lobotomized.  Arriving just a few minutes late for the earlybird game, we had to find seats at the very front of the hall.  As we wound our way to the last remaining tabletop not already plastered with Bingo sheets and assorted Bingo paraphernalia, I sensed that my novice's confusion was directly related to the confusion of seasoned onlookers; only then did I remember that my Bingo-night attire suggested that I was an old pro.

B-I-N-G-O and Bingo was his name-O!!!
I might not know how to play Bingo, but I know
how to dress for Bingo!  I said that I wanted to
dress silly but, as a newcomer, not garner too much
attention (the Bingo hall can draw a pretty tough crowd).
 With only a few minutes to throw something together, I
settled on polyester high-waters in brown houndstooth,
a barkcloth aloha shirt, a golden cardigan, black socks
and white, tasseled loafers - Bingo Night perfection!

Fortunately, we were taken under the wing of a surprisingly-young and helpful woman who told us that she makes the Bingo scene every week.  She did her best to explain the basics but it was clear that our propensity toward uncomfortable giggling combined with our endless questioning was not going to make us favorites among our tablemates.  Frankly, I believe there was a prevailing and very-genuine concern that our lack-of-beginner's luck was going to rub off.  Seeing that we were still unable to fully decipher the details on the program outline, we even got a couple pointers from the Bingo caller himself!

As with any subculture, there is a certain amount of associated jargon - "Bingo Lingo" if you will (or even if you won't) - that must be learned if one wants to thrive in the Bingo world (see: "Lightning Dog," "Crazy Kite," "Money Train").  But Bingo, which incidentally is the most mundane form of gambling (beating out Rock, Paper, Scissors and a coin toss by a wide margin), extends far beyond a game; Bingo people are a race unto themselves, complete with their own stereotypes.  There is the elderly man who keeps shouting "Bingo" even though he is nowhere near a win; we'll call him Paul...because that was his name.  There is the ancient lady who makes everyone aware that she has outlived every single one of her teeth by abstaining from dentures and constantly exercising the agility of her tongue.  There is the hardcore Bingo addict who arrives early to stake out prime real estate and spends an inordinate amount of time arranging his markers, charms, and homemade blackout chips.  There is even the disgruntled woman of an age made indeterminate by extreme living whose chronic, hacking cough is interrupted only long enough to voice aloud her complaints about "newbies," cheaters, and less-than-adequate Bingo callers.

There is the new guy who thinks it's all a big joke.
Wait a second...that's me...

What I didn't think was a joke was the cost and duration
of Bingo Night.  Averaging only one dollar per game
(if one plays only one sheet - a highly-unusual practice),
it definitely adds up in both money and time; we
were there for over three hours!

Friends have asked if we won and all I can say is that the evening transcended financial gain - which I guess translates to "no."  While our Bingo Night might have exclusively been an emotional win, we definitely came away feeling like champions...at least in the dental department (which is actually saying quite a lot).

Oh, "B-4" I forget, I wanted to know, do you Bingo?  Is your local Bingo Parlor as technologically advanced as the Elks Lodge?  Have you ever had a big Bingo payday?  When was the last time you screamed out "BINGO" in a public forum?  If it has been a while, I say get thee to a Bingo Hall!  

Cheers!

Mr. Tiny

Kitsch-en Kounter: Stadium Sliders & Football Potato Salad

The fact is I've never watched a Super Bowl game in my life (and Super Bowl XLVIII will be no exception).  I honestly don't know that I remember ever sitting through the entirety of any football game - the longest stretch being that panicky moment when I dropped the remote while channel surfing and got stuck on a channel devoted to the NFL.  "Why me," I pleaded aloud as my stubby fingers pawed the ground for the only thing standing between me and a very special "Tour of Southern California" episode of The Lawrence Welk Show.

Football?!!!  "PU!!!"
You ain't kidding Goofy...you ain't kidding.
(Source)

I don't understand football and I certainly don't understand the love of football.  I was the kid in PE who loved not having the ball thrown to me (and recoiled in abject horror when it was).  I was the kid who begged to be picked last for a team - more time to day dream about the complexities of "Tico Tico."  I try to tell myself that the love of football is the same as my love for The Lawrence Welk Show or my passion for accordion music but for the life of me, I just can't seem to find the connection.  Why is the Super Bowl practically a national holiday when Myron Floren's birthday passes each year without so much as a mention on the evening news?  I only stress the point to illustrate what a super fan of the Super Bowl (and sports in general) I am not.  Then again, I don't drink.  One thing I can get behind is a good party; and the Super Bowl is as good an excuse for a party as any.  A party, however, is only as good as its food.

The other day my friend posted a link to a recipe for something called a "Taco Ring;" the photo piqued my interest but the name and the ingredients left me cold.  Poppin' Fresh crescent rolls have their fine points (that coronary-inducing, dynamite explosion of dough when nervously peeling away the label) but filling a wreath of them with seasoned taco meat didn't seem like the best allocation of resources.  I wondered how I could tweak the brilliant idea to suit my wacky tacky tastes and create something adequate enough to satiate hardcore sports fans and weird enough to distract me from the tedium of an organized sporting event - Stadium Sliders!!!

The letterman patches are apropos of nothing really except to prove that I
was a little bit sporty; I lettered three times - in Academic Decathlon.  To
accompany the Stadium Sliders, I made a mock-potato salad out of potato
gnocchi.  Just look at them; they're all the shape of little footballs.  My
recipe calls for crumbled bacon, furthering the meal's "pigskin" premise.
I even presented the salad in a football-shaped serving bowl - when I
commit to a theme, I commit!

I called my riff on the original recipe (easily adaptable to red-meat-free or veggie diets) "Stadium Sliders" because the ring, topped with frilled toothpicks was, to me at least, reminiscent of a football stadium.  To make them, I par-cooked twelve slider-size burgers (I wanted them to finish cooking in the oven).  I unrolled the dough and, with wide sides toward the center, created a crescent roll starburst.  I centered the patties over the wide part of each roll and after topping the burgers with cheese, folded the points over the meat and baked the whole thing at 375º for twelve minutes.  Once the sliders were cooked, I filled the center and exterior of the ring with shredded lettuce (kind of like the stadium turf) and grape tomatoes (kind of football and/or helmet shaped) and speared each slider with a pickle and an olive.  With the usual condiment suspects available for folks to dress their burgers as they wished, the Stadium Sliders were ready to slice and eat.

As any good Kitsch-en Kounter gourmand knows, crescent roll dough comes in a tube of eight.  Because I only needed twelve to make the sliders, I filled the remaining four rolls with chocolate chips and made a football-shaped dessert!

By default (the colors of frilled toothpicks which I had on hand were blue &
orange), I suppose that I'm rooting for the Denver Broncos.  Yes, I do know
who's playing; in fact, I always manage to shock family and friends with my
uncanny ability to sweep the "Sports Team by City" category on Jeopardy.
 Just because I don't like sports doesn't mean I shouldn't have a perfunctory
knowledge should a sports-related conversation arise.  GO BRONCOS!!!
Or something...

This counts as a Bronco, right???

Are you a football fan?  Do you watch the game or do you focus on the food?  Are your responsible for making any of the game day fare?  For whom are you rooting this year?  However you're spending February 2, we hope that your heart (and your belly) are full!


Cheers!

Mr. Tiny

Happy 3rd Blog-O-Versary!!!

Today marks the third anniversary of wacky tacky [hold for applause].  In all honesty, I had no idea how to blog when I started and still feel like I haven't quite gotten the hang of it in terms of understanding technology, updating regularly, maintaining interest, building readership, etc.  At the inception of wacky tacky, when I spent a good deal of time looking for like-minded writers, I would come across authors who, tired of their own blogs, would publish posts full of farewells - fond and otherwise.  Perhaps my dour imagination was to blame, but it seemed to me that each one read as a virtual suicide note; "I have nothing left to say," "I just can't go on like this," or "It was nice knowing you," were common sentiments.  As a complete and utter novice, I couldn't for the life of me understand why anyone who started a blog would give up.  After all, blogging was supposed to be fun, right?  

Well, after three years and 320 posts under my belt, I'm not quite ready to announce my retirement but I am ready to admit that my perspective has broadened on the issue.  Like all writers, there are moments of defeat, distraction, and the dreaded writer's block.  Fortunately, those moments are far outweighed by the fun and friendship I find by maintaining occupancy in my kooky little corner of the internet.

Thanks for sticking with us as we stick one more candle on our wacky tacky cake!
(Source)

Reflecting back upon the last three years, I couldn't help but consider the significance of the number three.  It is often said that bad things come in threes, especially where celebrity deaths are concerned.  It has been my experience that the opposite is quite true; good things come in threes too.  I mean, hello, 3 Musketeers!!!

I am definitely of the "Schoolhouse Rock!" school of thought; "Three is a magic number!"  There is such a balance and harmony to sets of three (see: The McGuire Sisters, The Andrews Sisters, The Boswell Sisters, The Holy Trinity, et al).  By far, my favorite talented trio of all time is The Del Rubio Triplets!

Milly, Elena, and Eadie - better 

known as The Del Rubio Triplets

(Source)

Even at the tender age of eight, I was provided with a definitive answer (in the affirmative) for the age-old question, "Can there be love at first sight?"  From the first moment I saw them on the "Pee-Wee's Playhouse" Christmas special, I had an immediate fascination with and abiding love for the The Del Rubio Triplets. 

"Winter Wonderland" - The Del Rubio 

Triplets on "Pee-Wee's Playhouse" (1988)

Their star power wasn't relegated to just "Pee-Wee's Playhouse;" Milly, Elena, and Eadie became a major part of the late 1980's-early 1990's television landscape, making appearances on "Married with Children," "Full House," "New Monkees," "Night Court," and "The Golden Girls."

Their career spanned five decades!

Based on their interesting intonations, I always harbored the suspicion that the Del Rubios were from outside the continental United States (if not from out of this world).  While technically a US territory (the Panama Canal Zone), they were indeed born on a foreign shore in 1921.  It could be said that their musicality is not exactly what propelled the sisters to stardom.  The novelty of identical, sexagenarian triplets (emphasis on sex-y) in hot pants and blonde bouffants playing guitar and warbling hits by Devo and The Pointer Sisters was certainly not lost on a public insatiable for a little mid-century-styled camp.  Nevertheless, in its own wacky tacky way and after many years, the music of The Del Rubio Triplets still holds up for me.

"Ding-Dong, The Witch is Dead" - The Del Rubio Triplets

"These Boots Are Made for Walkin'" - The Del Rubio Triplets

"I Will Survive" - The Del Rubio Triplets

"Light My Fire" - The Del Rubio Triplets

Sadly, all three sisters have gone on to their great reward but our loss is most assuredly Heaven's gain.  I can just imagine Milly, Elena, and Eadie encouraging St. Peter to "Crack that whip!"

I'm definitely hoping that the adage, "The third time's the charm," holds true for wacky tacky.  As we enter our fourth year, our Blog-O-Versary wish is that we find even more reasons to delight in the wide world of wacky tacky with all of you wacky tacky turkey necks!

Cheers!

Mr. Tiny

Crazy Crafty: Pixie the Pink Pet Poodle

Just when you think Christmas has left the building (I took the wreath off the front door just today - a consequence more of laziness/forgetfulness than lingering holiday cheer, I assure you), old Kris Kringle rears his bearded head and deposits a few holiday holdouts as a reminder of Christmas past.

This week I had the great fortune to be on the receiving end of some truly out-of-site gifts.  Believe me when I tell you that they could not have come at a more opportune time; instead of feeling renewed, refreshed, reinvigorated by the change of the calendar year, I was feeling sluggish, bored, and depressed.

Then came this!

Knowing how disappointed I was to walk away from an estate sale that was stuffed to the rafters with vintage plush animals (they were just too far gone to salvage), Mary found me this stuffed, pink poodle.  Imbued with the spirit of Annette Funicello's star turn in Pajama Party (a film I've mentioned at least one million times), I don't think there could be a more inspired gift for losing the winter blues than a "Stuffed Animal" - especially when it is a pink poodle!

Pastel Poodle Party!!!
(Source: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

As evidenced by the above photo of my new poodle, the ribbon around its neck has seen happier days.  Seeing how spectacularly-dressed a pink poodle ought to be (thanks for the unattainable diamond collars, Zsa Zsa, dah-ling), I knew that it was my job to find more appropriate adornment than simply a sloppy retying of that bedraggled bow.

Then came this!
Included in a belated Christmas gift from our dear friends (a veritable
treasure box full of incredible, vintage, Christmas goodies) was
The Pixie Bow Maker!

I love that the MSRP was marked as one dollar but
the price tag from The 88¢ Store was 98¢! 

The dead stock Pixie Bow Maker came with all of its original bow pins, the instruction book, and even a dozen peel-and-stick bow backers.  After semi-successfully making my first pixie bow with the silver, "ideal for home bow maker," Bow Master ribbon that was also part of the gift, I knew I was ready for the big leagues.  I also knew that my gift, in conjunction with the vintage button and baby-pink, rayon, Velvette ribbon that I had in my stash, was the perfect answer to my poodle's problem.  Thanks Pixie Bow Maker!

On a side note, I'm thinking that my next craft project will be that ribbon-rose
topiary as featured on the back of The Pixie Bow Maker - talk about CLASS!

It may seem odd for a thirty-something man to make a craft project out of a pink poodle and a roll of ribbon but as the unpaid child-laborer son of a 1980's, bow-making entrepreneuse, I can testify of the crafting credibility of home bow making.  Furthermore, if the craft seems weird, I guarantee you that it is even more odd for the same thirty-something man to name said poodle.  Frankly, I'm usually not one for naming inanimate objects but given the combination of post-Christmas, Christmas magic that has been swirling around me and the inspiration of a certain bow maker, I figured there was only one name for my pink pet poodle - "Pixie."

This isn't my bed but I couldn't think of a better setting
than a bright-pink, matelassé bedspread and cherry-
blossom mural (hand painted by Mr. Tiny) to give
the newly-outfitted Pixie her editorial debut.

Do you have any vintage stuffed animals?  Did you get any belated Christmas presents that changed your outlook and lifted your spirits?  I hope your new year is off to a great start!

Cheers!

Mr. Tiny

Signs of the Times: Kingman Club

Kingman Club- Kingman, AZ

Giving new meaning to "Dirty Martini," the sign for the shuttered Kingman Club (in Kingman, AZ of all places), had us once again sauntering down imaginary lane.  In its earliest days, did the club serve as an exclusive hot spot - "Where Kingman's elite meet?"  The glowing martini glasses and the neon script with its curlicued "b" had us believing that the club's origins were quite glamorous.  On the other hand, the flickering bulbs and addendum offering such plebeian pastimes as shuffleboard and darts had us rethinking our position.  Instead of Gimlets and Brandy Alexanders, "$1 Well Drinks" were the order of the day (and the morning, the afternoon, and the night for that matter).  With just a moment longer to reflect on the history of the sign, we were left with the feeling that the more-recent patrons of the Kingman Club (decidedly rougher than our romantic visions of Cary Grant and Constance Bennett as George and Marion Kerby) probably gave the stink-eye AND the middle finger to anyone uttering the words "Shaken, not stirred."  

Speaking of middle fingers...
The "Kingman Salute" is a reminder to all who
leave town that Kingman is number one!
(Finger Rock is between Kingman and Bullhead City on I-68)

Cheers!

Mr. Tiny

wacky tacky tunes: Alvino Rey

Sometimes I have a hard time following my own train of thought because it makes quite the habit of jumping the tracks.  I was actually writing a blog post the other night and searching for the perfect musical accompaniment in the form of a youtube video; it wasn't long before I got distracted by listening to and singing along with Doris Day tunes.  Proud to say that I kept right up with her as she expertly maneuvered the trickiness of "Cuttin' Capers," I even made it through the tongue-twisting lyrics, "You'll never pick about or pick a quarrel with Mr. Krupa or with Frankie Carl; you'll never dig a list of bigger names a cuttin' capers with Harry James.  With Benny Goodman and his clarinet, and Tommy Dorsey's in it too.  Alvino Rey will star; a walkin', talkin' steel guitar..."  Hearing Rey's name, I couldn't help but forget Doris and remember the clip of "St. Louis Blues" as uploaded and shared by our pal, Deke.

"St. Louis Blues" - Alvino Rey & Stringy (the walkin', talkin' steel guitar)

After re-watching the above video, you can bet that even Casey Jones couldn't get my train of thought back on track; I had a first-class ticket on the Alvino Rey Express.

Heralded as "The King of Guitar," Rey was a pioneer in developing the technology necessary for electric instruments and modern sound equipment.  With his pedal-steel guitar, he forged new territory by incorporating electric instruments into the Big Band sound.  Rey's real magic, of course, was not just playing the pedal-steel guitar, but making it sing.    

"Mama Blues" - Alvino Rey & His Orchestra

"My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean" - Alvino Rey & His Orchestra

"Bloop Bleep" - Alvino Rey & His Orchestra

Having met The King Sisters while performing with Horace Heidt's band, it was clear that Rey appreciated real singing talent over and above even Stringy's vocal stylings; in 1937 Rey married his favorite King sister, making Luise King his queen.

Alvino Rey & The King Sisters

I believe that's Luise on the far right.

(Source)

Upon their marriage, Rey converted to Mormonism (The King Sisters were natives of Utah); it comes as no surprise as one look at Rey's orchestra looks like a veritable casting call for The Book of Mormon musical.  Fortunately for Rey, The King Sisters came as a package deal (insert ploygamy joke here) and after leaving the Heidt band, Alvino Rey created his own orchestra with the sisters as the featured vocalists.

"Tiger Rag" - Alvino Rey & His Orchestra featuring The King Sisters

As if it couldn't get any more wacky tacky than a marionette guitar, a pedal-steel guitar wailing for its mama, and a group of four grown women singing, "Here kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty" at hyper-speed, we see Mr. Rey's appearance on The Lawrence Welk Show.  Nothing makes our figurative pedal-steels sing like two giants of wacky tacky joining forces!

"Hindustan" - Alvino Rey on The Lawrence Welk Show

As the Big Band era faded, Rey continued to be an innovator, translating his dynamic musicality into the realms of lounge, exotica, and spooky soundtracks.

"Night Train" - Alvino Rey & His Orchestra

A cool arrangement of one of my all-time favorite songs.

"The Bat" - Alvino Rey

Needless to say, the original blog post has all but been banished for life to the blog wasteland that is the "Draft" folder.  Here's hoping your 2014 pours out upon you like a real REY of sunshine (or at least a saucy game of double-paddle, blind-man's ping pong)!!!

It's all fun and games until somebody gets hurt...

(Source)

Cheers!

Mr. Tiny