Monday, February 13, 2012

Valentine's Schmalentine's

Okay, so I guess nobody is a big meatloaf fan - duly noted.  We won't dwell on it; we'll just press on to more pressing matters, namely St. Valentine's Day.  

"Valentine Stomp" - Fats Waller (1929)

Why does the thought very thought of February 14 get people in such a panic?  Why must we get all uptight about it, harping on the commercial aspect of the day and the enforced exclamations of ardor.  Frankly, I think cupid has to work overtime because you hear more folks expressing the sentiment "Valentine's Schmalentine's" than "I'm Getting Sentimental Over You."  If Herb and the gang can't get you in a sentimental mood, I'm afraid that you might be a lost cause. 

"I'm Getting Sentimental Over You" - Herb Alpert & The Tijuana Brass

Honestly, I think it is kind of nice to pick at least one day a year to tell the people that you love, that you love them.  There is something silly and sweet about the exchange of throw-away candy, red flowers, and overwrought, romantic greeting cards; it hearkens back to a simpler time when a love letter meant far more than a "chocolate diamond."  What the heck is a chocolate diamond anyway?  Valentine's Day should not be an exercise in overspending, reservations, and pressure.  Too much pressure and elevated expectations of perfection are never a good thing.  For Heaven's sake, it's on a school night this year.  Take it easy!  I think the trick is to keep it simple and romantic with something like a "Champantie."

I'll never forget the time I was walking through Big-Lots and
saw this  penultimate expression of modern romance.
Nothing says "I love you" like lace panties in a plastic champagne bottle.

  A "Champantie" and just being someone's funny Valentine should be more than enough.

"My Funny Valentine" - Ella Fitzgerald

The internet is just lousy with pictures of vintage Valentine's greetings but they are too cool not share a few.  Truthfully, I would be happy with just one of these funny Valentine's.

Don't you miss the days when everyone was your Valentine; the days when you made a paper mailbox and by the end of class, it was loaded with miniature cards and candy hearts?  Well, for those of you unlovable, unclaimed, unwanted, and broken-hearted types with not even a prospect of a Valentine in your life this year, just know that I am one of you. Furthermore, I want you to always remember that "I Choo-Choo, Choose You."

Happy Valentine's Day!


Mr. Tiny


  1. Awww, did ya know that they changed the rules of Valentine's Day in school so that you have to give one to every single person so no one feels left out? They handed out a name list for each class.

    I think it is just general panic because of Christmas style expectations but if you just relax and are silly about it, it's fine

    I hope you have a swell day!