Crazy Crafty: Where the BEAUTY At?!!

Isn't it cute how beautiful people get to use Halloween as an excuse to play at being unattractive, charmingly dabbling in the seedy underbelly of the genetic lottery, casually day-tripping to the underworld of the grotesque in which the rest of us ugly mugs are forced to exist everyday?  In direct contrast, we are left to exploit the holiday for its democratizing properties, sprucing ourselves up just enough to timidly step out of the shadows, hoping that our efforts to improve will at least be met halfway by their sweet attempts to slum it.  Feeling fairly confident this Halloween, I was still taken aback when a friend actually remarked that I looked "handsome" in my costume.  So don't be at all surprised when I trade-in my signature specs for a turban!

Screen-captured PROOF!
Although I did such a stellar job at blurring things out, the possibility
remains that I might have left the comment on my own Facebook post.

Seriously, if it means wearing fifteen pounds of costume jewelry, donning a scant amount of eyebrow pencil, and fumbling around in a state of legal-blindness to make me look like a passable human being, I will just have to do it.  But exerting so much energy on my own appearance would leave me entirely unable to pursue other projects; such was the case when it came time to think about Mary's costume.  Usually, all of my creativity is focused on designing her costume, using whatever energy remains to throw something together for myself in the few days leading up to Halloween.  This year, however, I began with mine, completely burned out by the time I was done.  I used the distraction of a pumpkin patch to casually mention to Mary that she was on her own for a costume.  Just as I was explaining my utter lack of motivation, she bet on the winning piglet at the pig races.

In the form of a rubber pig nose, Mary won Halloween inspiration.
As soon as she donned her prize, we knew that when it came to this
year's costume, beauty would definitely be in the "Eye of the Beholder."  

While to me every episode of The Twilight Zone is essentially the same (anxiety inducing in its heavy-handed dramatic irony), even I am able remember a few standouts.  The star of TTZ's second season was entitled "Eye of the Beholder;" in it, a young woman recovers in a hospital room from a final surgical attempt to make her look "normal."  As the bandages are unwound, a lovely face emerges (not only free, in typical television fashion, from bruising/scars/stitches but also attractively made-up).  Strangely horrified by the results, she flees from the room as the "normal" faces of the hospital staff are revealed.

The beautiful people
Every day is "Opposite Day" when you're in The Twilight Zone.

On the basis that an early-'60s nurse's uniform could easily be pulled together from the contents of her closet, I committed to crafting a mask for Mary inspired by the characters in "Eye of the Beholder."  Starting from scratch was unrealistic, so I picked up a mask from the dollar store to use as a base.

Except for the ears, the feline face already had lines
reminiscent of old Florence Swine-tengale (above).

Trimming down a pig nose and sawing off a cat's ears was nearly enough to have me jump ship as a moderate carnivore and swim to the island of vegan delights - almost.  After the basic remodel, it was time to build up some of the broader contours of the face.

Tools of the trade

After removing the choice, tiger-print spandex from the mask, I built up a
topography of unadulterated ugly using paper straws, hot glue, and papier-
mâché.  To smooth things out and fill in the nooks and crannies, I employed
ordinary household spackle (also found at the dollar store).  My work was
finished with a couple coats of craft paint.

Mary took over by using things in her make-up bag to add some shading/depth/repulsion.  Falling decidedly in the "inspired-by" rather than "faithful-reproduction" category, in the end, I believe our mask was a success.

Proven by the impact of Mary's dramatically-lit, Halloween-night selfie

For all the work I usually put in, my favorite costumes are often the last-minute, homemade
jobs; Mary's wearing all her own clothes and the nurse's cap is just a folded piece of paper. 

Failing to take any pictures of the mask-building process or of our Halloween festivities, I wasn't sure that I had enough material to warrant a blog post.  My hesitation, however, was no match for the insistence of our pal, Kimmie, at That Girl the Wheelchair - and I quote, "I need a blog post about this.  Now."  Here you go, Kimmie; thanks for the kick in the pants!!!

"Eye of the Beholder" from The Twilight Zone (1960) 

I hope your Halloween was enjoyable and that it too left you pondering the meaning of beauty, reexamining the importance we place on it in our society.  I hope you understand that beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder.  I hope you remember that we are all capable of an internal beauty, a beauty that will shine through whatever genetic shortcomings we feel we may have.  Okay, not really.  More than anything, I hope you ate so many treats that your Reese's hangover was as bad as ours!


Cheers!

Mr. Tiny