You know you've crossed a new, fat-guy threshold when you walk into Disneyland's City Hall to register a complaint and, in the same telltale monotone of a career DMV employee, the dispassionate cast member looks up, gives you the once over, and asks, "It's about the ice cream, isn't it?"
And so it goes.
As Don McLean wrote about the day the music died, so shall I make it my duty to write about the day the ice cream died, more specifically, Disneyland's Fantasia ice cream. In the earliest part of this century, Disneyland was the purveyor of a most unusual and most delicious ice cream flavor called "Fantasia," a spumoni-esque swirl of cherry, pistachio, and banana. All day long this ambrosia was scooped into freshly-made waffle cones to the delight of those lured in from their Main Street loiterings to the Gibson Girl Ice Cream Parlor. One terrible day, in what can only be described as a symptom of Disneyland's malignant disease of poor decision making, the brass at food services discontinued Fantasia - thus, my complaint. Although mine was no standard complaint (lost child, stolen wallet, rude cast member), I was given the standard form to fill out and told in no uncertain terms that because Disneyland switched ice cream sponsors/vendors from Carnation to Dreyer's, Fanstasia, in all of its delicious wonder, had been summarily dismissed. Call me a Pollyanna, but the only silver lining about Disney severing its historic ties with the Carnation company is that it coincided quite seamlessly with my body severing its historic ties with the proper digestion of lactose. As they say, when God closes a door, He always gives you a dramatic food intolerance that will certainly leave you agonizing behind that closed door. You know, "mysterious ways" and all that.
In what is fast becoming an old joke, it is asked, "How do you tell when someone is lactose intolerant?"..."Don't worry, they'll tell you." There are many variations on the joke in which myriad dietary concerns can be substituted (i.e. gluten-free, vegan, nut-free, etc.). Well, as the (un)official spokesperson of my minority community, I will tell you that I am not only lactose intolerant, I am downright lactose abhorrent - like Stage 5. My body rejects the dairy-based sugar with a vehemence heretofore witnessed only by Alien's Ellen Ripley. Therefore, our latest Kitsch-en Kounter endeavor is recreating Disneyland's gone-but-not-forgotten ice cream flavor in a dairy free fashion - a "Faux-ntasia," if you will. I know, I know, dairy-free ice cream is a contradiction in terms; but after much experimenting (batches and batches), I believe I have created an adequate substitute that scoops like real ice cream and has a similar richness and mouth feel. Fair warning #1: Just because this recipe is dairy free does not make it healthy/allergen-free; there is plenty of fat (read: flavor), eggs, nuts, sweetness, and food coloring!
Ice Cream Base Recipe
Because Fantasia is comprised of three flavors, you will need to replicate the base recipe three times - once for each individual flavor variation. Keep in mind that the possibilities are endless; this base recipe requires no additional sugar and could easily lend itself to other flavor profiles. Also, the egg yolks can be eliminated for a slightly-less-velvety, slightly-more-vegan experience.
1 Can Cream of Coconut
1 Can Coconut Milk
Pinch of Salt
3 Egg Yolks
1 tsp. Vanilla Extract (or) Almond Extract
Directions: Bring coconut cream, coconut milk, and salt to a light boil. In a separate bowl, whisk the egg yolks and temper them with the coconut mixture. Add flavored extract and thoroughly chill ice cream base before freezing according to your ice cream maker's instructions.
And so it goes.
As Don McLean wrote about the day the music died, so shall I make it my duty to write about the day the ice cream died, more specifically, Disneyland's Fantasia ice cream. In the earliest part of this century, Disneyland was the purveyor of a most unusual and most delicious ice cream flavor called "Fantasia," a spumoni-esque swirl of cherry, pistachio, and banana. All day long this ambrosia was scooped into freshly-made waffle cones to the delight of those lured in from their Main Street loiterings to the Gibson Girl Ice Cream Parlor. One terrible day, in what can only be described as a symptom of Disneyland's malignant disease of poor decision making, the brass at food services discontinued Fantasia - thus, my complaint. Although mine was no standard complaint (lost child, stolen wallet, rude cast member), I was given the standard form to fill out and told in no uncertain terms that because Disneyland switched ice cream sponsors/vendors from Carnation to Dreyer's, Fanstasia, in all of its delicious wonder, had been summarily dismissed. Call me a Pollyanna, but the only silver lining about Disney severing its historic ties with the Carnation company is that it coincided quite seamlessly with my body severing its historic ties with the proper digestion of lactose. As they say, when God closes a door, He always gives you a dramatic food intolerance that will certainly leave you agonizing behind that closed door. You know, "mysterious ways" and all that.
 |
| RIP Fantasia Ice Cream (1960?-2004) (Source) |
In what is fast becoming an old joke, it is asked, "How do you tell when someone is lactose intolerant?"..."Don't worry, they'll tell you." There are many variations on the joke in which myriad dietary concerns can be substituted (i.e. gluten-free, vegan, nut-free, etc.). Well, as the (un)official spokesperson of my minority community, I will tell you that I am not only lactose intolerant, I am downright lactose abhorrent - like Stage 5. My body rejects the dairy-based sugar with a vehemence heretofore witnessed only by Alien's Ellen Ripley. Therefore, our latest Kitsch-en Kounter endeavor is recreating Disneyland's gone-but-not-forgotten ice cream flavor in a dairy free fashion - a "Faux-ntasia," if you will. I know, I know, dairy-free ice cream is a contradiction in terms; but after much experimenting (batches and batches), I believe I have created an adequate substitute that scoops like real ice cream and has a similar richness and mouth feel. Fair warning #1: Just because this recipe is dairy free does not make it healthy/allergen-free; there is plenty of fat (read: flavor), eggs, nuts, sweetness, and food coloring!
Ice Cream Base Recipe
Because Fantasia is comprised of three flavors, you will need to replicate the base recipe three times - once for each individual flavor variation. Keep in mind that the possibilities are endless; this base recipe requires no additional sugar and could easily lend itself to other flavor profiles. Also, the egg yolks can be eliminated for a slightly-less-velvety, slightly-more-vegan experience.
1 Can Cream of Coconut
1 Can Coconut Milk
Pinch of Salt
3 Egg Yolks
1 tsp. Vanilla Extract (or) Almond Extract
Directions: Bring coconut cream, coconut milk, and salt to a light boil. In a separate bowl, whisk the egg yolks and temper them with the coconut mixture. Add flavored extract and thoroughly chill ice cream base before freezing according to your ice cream maker's instructions.
 |
| For CHERRY: Add the reduced syrup from a jar of maraschino cherries, a few drops of red food coloring, and a splash of almond extract (substituted for vanilla extract, it enhances the the bitter-almond flavor of maraschino cherries). When the ice cream is nearly fully-churned, add the entire jar of drained cherries, halved (optional). As I recall, Fantasia does not include big cherry bits, but I love 'em. |
 |
| For BANANA: Add three or four overripe bananas (pureed) and a few drops of yellow food coloring. |
 |
| For PISTACHIO: Add one 3.4oz envelope of pistachio-flavored instant pudding mix and a few drops of green food coloring. |
When each recipe of ice cream has completed churning, pack in a freezer-safe container and freeze until firm. To create the signature Fantasia swirl, allow the three flavors to soften slightly and pack alternating scoops of each flavor into an ice cream mold or freezer-safe container and freeze until firm. Scoop and serve in waffle cones (this part is NOT optional).
Okay, so maybe the result didn't exactly match the picture-perfect, color-blocked mouse of my dreams, but imagine this ice-cream "cake" at a child's party! Just think of the savings; there would be absolutely no need to bake a cake OR hire a scary clown!
Plus, if you don't factor in your time, and you buy your ingredients on sale, this ice cream is comparable price-wise to store bought and you've created a flavor that can't be found on the retail market!!!
Fair warning #2: Just because it is inexpensive does not mean that it isn't rich; the coconut base plus the sweetness of the added flavors means that a little "Faux-ntasia" goes a long way! If you eat enough of this stuff, you'll end up as dainty as a hippopotamus in toe shoes.
Cheers!
Mr. Tiny
 |
| Just to up the wacky tacky quotient, I thought we could bust out the vintage, '70s, Mickey-shaped cake pan to use as an ice cream mold. |
 |
| Because presentation is everything, right? Right?!! No?... |
Okay, so maybe the result didn't exactly match the picture-perfect, color-blocked mouse of my dreams, but imagine this ice-cream "cake" at a child's party! Just think of the savings; there would be absolutely no need to bake a cake OR hire a scary clown!
 |
| And just picture this stuff as the star of a banana split!!! There is no way that adding pineapple, hot fudge, and (non-dairy) whipped cream could make "Faux-ntasia" bad! |
Plus, if you don't factor in your time, and you buy your ingredients on sale, this ice cream is comparable price-wise to store bought and you've created a flavor that can't be found on the retail market!!!
 |
| "Oh, boy!" |
Fair warning #2: Just because it is inexpensive does not mean that it isn't rich; the coconut base plus the sweetness of the added flavors means that a little "Faux-ntasia" goes a long way! If you eat enough of this stuff, you'll end up as dainty as a hippopotamus in toe shoes.
"Dance of the Hours" from Fantasia (1940)
Cheers!
Mr. Tiny
