Chow Time: Hillbilly Hot Dogs

Do you ever go someplace entirely new to you only to get the feeling that somehow you're home?  Where the accumulation of generations' worth of junk is immediately off-putting and comfortably familiar?  Where the jokes are inappropriate, immature, unappetizing, AND entirely hilarious?   Where the food is nothing like "Mama used to make," and that is a good thing?  Hillbilly Hot Dogs in Lesage, WV is the home for which I'd never dared to dream!

I have never posted two "Chow Time" posts in a row, but I am winding up my wild and wonderful West Virginia wingding and I didn't quite plan the sequence as carefully as I might have. 

I told you that I found my home.
Like "A Town Called Odd," I'm unsure if I should be flattered or
offended by the offer of mayorship of Teenie Weenie Land.

Opened in the waning days of the 20th Century, Hillbilly Hot Dogs' appearance belies its mere adolescence; aged outbuildings, rusty farmyard equipment, and weathered vehicles give the facilities the time worn look of a much older hillbilly holler.  While technically it is a restaurant, Hillbilly Hot Dogs is at its core a giant junkyard.  Except for the unctuous aroma of hot dog and french fry oils heavily perfuming the air, a traveler might mistake HHD for the Appalachian interpretation of Sanford and Son.  Not shy of that fact, the management has made the "Junkyard Dog" one of the premiere menu items.  

Just one of the many outbuildings on the premises of Hillbilly Hot Dogs.
I know I have a serious problem when I review this photo and see more than a
 few items that I wish I would have brought home as souvenirs from my trip.

With its tongue firmly entrenched in the hollow of its cheek (parts of the anatomy one really shouldn't think about when eating mystery-meat hot dogs), HHD takes all of the hillbilly stereotypes, embraces them, and makes them digestible for an outsider audience.  

Multiple buses are "dry docked" and repurposed as dining rooms.

At least it's two-ply.

This tree is going places!

We found our seats (in the way back where all the cool kids sit)
but not before picking up a few permanent black markers. 

Every available surface from trash cans, to windows, to weather-beaten
toys is covered in names, dates, quotes, quips, and expressions of love.
We would have gotten in serious trouble writing on the walls when we were kids.
Nevertheless, I will say that I wasn't shy about leaving my mark at HHD.

Do you ever see these plates when you're out and about?
I am always drawn to them but when it comes time to buy
them, for some reason choose to exhibit my most elusive
virtue - restraint.  I figured that signing the plate would
alleviate some of my non-buyer's remorse.

After surveying the premises and making a lasting impression on the walls and windows of a school bus, we made our way to the counter to order our hillbilly grub.  The menu, like the sprawling yard, is extensive and took some time to peruse.  The big challenge is the "Home Wrecker," a fifteen-inch hot dog with everything (and I mean everything) on it.  If a single guest can finish this big dog in under twelve minutes, the Home Wrecker and a prize T-shirt are free (stomach pump NOT included).  We toyed with the idea of ordering one and splitting it amongst our party of four but the last thing I wanted to do was waste time being sick!

At least we were assured that the food would be healthy...

Some crazy french fry concoction
I'm more of a purist.

The Hillbilly Hot Dog
(Mustard, chili, and onions)

The West Virginia Dog
(Chili, onions, and coleslaw)

The Strictly Business Dog
As I've mentioned before, my brother-in-law hails from the great state of Hawaii.
Not wanting to shame the people of his home state, he indulged in a hot dog
topped with that most-misunderstood delicacy, Spam (fried Spam at that).

A corn dog.

Refueling of all varieties takes place at HHD.

Lewd, crude, and disgustingly rude...why didn't I think of that?

It would have been entirely possible, necessary even, to have spent hours combing the grounds of Hillbilly Hot Dogs inspecting all of the accumulated treasures, dilapidated vehicles, and silly signage.  Unfortunately, we had to keep our visit brief as this was my very last stop before winging my way home.

Hillbilly Hot Dogs (Flagship Location)
6951 Ohio River Rd
Lesage, WV
(304)762-2458

www.hillbillyhotdogs.com


Cheers!

Mr. Tiny

Collecting: Vintage Tablecloths

As our wacky tacky signature t-shirt states, "We dig old stuff" - particularly old stuff that is attractive and has a history of use.  It only makes sense then that I have an affinity for vintage tablecloths.  I love the colors, the prints, and even the spots/stains that chronicle the life of each piece.

We are one of those weird families that views a bare table as an abomination - a missed opportunity if ever there was one; our dining room table is perpetually set for a dinner party that has yet to happen.  We grew up entertaining often but rarely sat down to a formal dinner around the dining table.  That tradition carried with me wherever I moved, including my first, tiny, studio apartment (on the second floor of an 1879 farmhouse).

Not too thrilling or too wacky tacky, but proof that
even when you live alone, it's still a party of four.

As the tablescape changes often, it is nice to have a stock of supplies to give the table a quick wacky tacky makeover.  The quickest way to a brand new table comes from my modest collection of vintage tablecloths.  I am always reticent to post my collections because I lack an expert's knowledge on any subject; I become all kinds of self-conscious knowing that there are people out there with real collections that could easily put mine to shame.  Anxiety aside, here are my tablecloths.

PATRIOTIC

Although they don't subscribe to traditional themes like flags, eagles, and fireworks, the generally-patriotic color scheme of these cloths makes them ideal for use during the Memorial Day, 4th of July, Veteran's Day and pretty much any day in between.

MEXICAN

These border prints probably border on the politically incorrect but I love them.  Living so close to the gateway between our two countries, I'm surprised I haven't found more of these out in the wild.

Orange, brown, and green - a wacky tacky

color combo if ever there was one.

FLORAL

These two are printed on crisp, Irish linen.

Among the floral bouquets, the cloth on the right has a little nest full of robin's eggs.

Can you spot it?

TROPICAL/EXOTIC

These cloths get a lot of use during the summer months.  While it is hard to choose a favorite, this blue and orange, tropical tablecloth that I picked at a shop not too far from the Cabazon Dinosaurs, really makes me happy.  I think my next hypothetical business will be textile design and printing based on vintage examples.

The cactus print on the right has definitely seen better days but I really

 love the washed-out overprinting and brushstroke cactus flowers.

If you've been following us for a while, you
might recognize this one (another favorite).

We used it to set a tiki-style table for our
 Pineapple Upside Down Meatloaf. 

HOLIDAY

It seems Christmas cloths are the hardest to find because they are so collectible (read: expensive).  If you don't know by now, I only buy things on the CHEAP, so it seems my options are limited to the occasional swap meet score or hand-me-down.

The floral number might not be a "Christmas" print but the red and 

green (set off by chartreuse) certainly puts me in the holiday mood.

MISCELLANEOUS

Oh sure, the printed cloths are my favorite but I won't shy away from a hand-embroidered or cross-stitched example of tabletop finery.  It seems weird but I like seeing the blue lines of the iron-transfer pattern behind the stitching; it makes me think of the person threading the embroidery floss through her needle and the hours and hours of work she had ahead of her.  Oh, and how I would never have the patience or attention span to accomplish so time-consuming and labor-intensive.

So how do you dress your table?  Do you collect vintage tablecloths, place settings, or dinnerware?  Are you focused on a certain style?  I am not at all persnickety when it comes to focused collecting or caring too much about certain styles, values, etc.  I just buy what is inexpensive because to borrow a phrase from our pals at My Baby Jo, "A table's gotta have options."

Cheers!

Mr. Tiny

Hopping Mad: The Bunny Museum

I've found that a certain level of diplomacy is imperative when communicating my feelings on any given subject; I never know exactly to whom this blog will reach so I try to be extremely careful in my choice of words.  When it comes to one of Pasadena, CA's most famous repositories of historical "art and artifacts," however, there really is no other way to express this sentiment - IT IS CRAZY!!!

No, we're not talking about The Norton Simon Museum.  In a quaint neighborhood, on a charming street, in a fairly unassuming cottage there lies a giant secret - more like 30,000+ little secrets.  While Mary and I prefer to refer to it as the Bunny Ranch, The Bunny Museum is the private home/collection of Candace Frazee and Steve Lubanski.  Just in time for Easter, we found our way to the Guiness Book of World Record-holding, largest collection of bunnies.

Clue #1 that something is slightly different here is the wire, bunny
fence surrounding the 10-foot-tall topiary in the shape of a rabbit.

wacky tacky walks a fine line between kitschy/wildly wonderful and just good, old-fashioned insanity.  As we approached the front door, I couldn't shake the feeling that we should have told somebody where we were going.

Good thing Mary was on top of it.

Clue #2 that we were in for something odd was the hanging
 bunny on the front door.  I admit that I was a little frightened
that something bad was going to happen on the other side of
that threshold.

While it would have made for an especially-compelling (and probably Emmy-winning) episode of Law & Order - one in which Josh Brolin takes a break from the rigors of making major motion pictures for the challenge and thrill of playing Mr. Tiny - I had no desire to become the next permanent addition to the collection.  I was surprisingly relieved to see more people join our team.  Even if the other group included a grandmother, her daughter, and granddaughter, I felt that the "safety in numbers" rule still applied.

Candace Frazee
What's up, doc?  No seriously, what is going on here?

We were greeted at the door by Candace, the owner of the home/museum and invited to "Hop on in," once we had paid our "Bunny Money," a mandatory, five-dollar, suggested donation.  Candace explained that twenty-one years ago she and her husband, referring to each other as "Honey Bunny," began to exchange bunny-themed gifts and have continued to do so EVERY SINGLE DAY ever since.  

Ranging from collectible knick-knacks to dime store toys to pieces from Pasadena's Annual Tournament of Rose's Parade, the collection is an expression of their abiding love of and their unique obsession with rabbits and rabbit paraphernalia.

What would be the living room if there was room to live.
One of these things is not like the other.  Can you spy the living creature?

Display shelves line the walls and every available space is filled with figurines, stuffed toys, advertisements, penny banks, artwork, cookie jars, and even taxidermy -  all rabbit in nature.

Mr. Tiny doing his best rabbit impression.
I'm very sensitive to pets/pet odors...there were definitely live animals on the premises.

Bunnies from around the world!

A little like Disneyland's Haunted Mansion, this room appeared to have "No
windows and no doors."  The den was basically a giant ball pit of stuffed
rabbits with a small hollow carved out for a loveseat and Hoda & Kathie Lee

Real bunnies living in the laundry room

One sees some pretty cute things at The Bunny Museum, but "The Bunny Trail" in the museum's rear garden is home to some equally fascinating/frightening relics of rabbit history.

Once the framework for a Rose Parade float, this decaying
 bunny face is now a piece of garden art.

This brings memories of Bunnicula to the forefront of my overactive imagination.

We left our mark in 3D chalk

I'm grateful to Candace & Steve for maintaining their extensive bunny bonanza - but also a little scared.  It goes without saying that it probably takes a good measure of the March Hare's madness to perpetuate the ever-evolving collection; it seems they embrace that fact, even touting on their website that they have the "#1 Insane Museum" and the "#1 Weirdest Museum in the Los Angeles."  We wish them well in their extreme commitment and many happy years of exchanging daily bunny gifts.

"Here Comes Peter Cottontail" - Gene Autry

Be sure to check out the Funny-or-Die videos featuring The Bunny Museum (I couldn't figure out how to imbed them).  As Candace said, with much practice, as we left the museum, "Have a 'Hoppy' day!"

The Bunny Museum
1933 Jefferson Dr
Pasadena, CA
(626)798-8848 (open by appt. only, call for reservations)

www.thebunnymuseum.com


Cheers & Happy Easter!

Mr. Tiny