Hole in One: National Donut Day!!!

Pee-Wee Herman told me that it's National Donut Day.  Normally, I find it foolhardy and downright dangerous to jump on any sort of wagon, let alone a bandwagon.  But if that wagon train has Mr. Herman as trail boss and it's headed through a tunnel made of giant donuts, then you may certainly consider me a member of the band (I have experience with the cymbals)!

Pee-Wee dreams of donuts in Pee-Wee's Big Adventure

I too have dreamt about donuts but hardly ever eat them because the after effects are rarely worth the fleeting moments of deep-fried, sugar-laden ecstasy.  Yes, to me donuts are an instant regret.  However, just because they result in a total gut bomb doesn't mean I can't get with the program of donut-inspired programmatic architecture around Southern California.

The Donut Hole - El Monte, CA (est. 1968)

Here's a comedy lesson for you; no one thinks you're funny when you're entering a giant donut and you casually mention that this facility used to house a quick-serve proctology office...even if you repeat multiple times (more loudly the third time) under the assumption that the lack of laughter means that they didn't hear you.  They think it's even less funny when they're tucking into their donuts as the car passes through the donut-shaped exit whilst you continuously imitate the cacophony of sounds that so regularly emanated from your flatulent grandfather.  Lesson learned.

As with most things, I am a "top-shelf" kind of guy;
crullers, maple to be exact, are my favorite donuts.

Ironically, the fare at The Donut Hole is quite pedestrian.  Nevertheless, it is hard to even consider consuming donuts anywhere that doesn't allow one to drive-thru gigantic replicas of its eponymous foodstuffs.  It is probably fortunate that we live nowhere near a giant donut; it just means that the sighting of one on an adventure day is all the more special.

Dale's Donuts - Compton, CA

Randy's Donuts, in the west Los Angeles neighborhood of Inglewood, gets all of the acclaim but there are other, equally-significant, giant donuts operating around the southland.  Dale's Donuts in Compton is a mid-'50s relic of the Kindle's Donut empire, dutifully turning out baker's dozen after baker's dozen, without all of the Hollywood glitz and glamour reserved for Randy's.  With the back-breaking effort involved in maintaining a small business and preserving a landmark sign, we really shouldn't poke fun, but there are so many jokes to be made about donuts - most of them relegated to the much pooh-poohed category of "potty humor."

Comedy lesson number two:
Mary wasn't even slightly amused when I told her that she was going to
be the new face of the Harry's House of Hemorrhoid Pillows ad campaign!

As I have never advanced beyond the sand traps and water hazards of the putt-putt course, the only way I will ever get a "hole-in-one" is with Pee-Wee at the local donut shop.  In another instance of my fad-resistance, I have never had a bacon donut or a donut encrusted in Fruit-Loops.  Neither have I ever enjoyed a donut scented with lavender or bathed in bourbon.  Ever the donut traditionalist; it's taken me this long to even sample a Cronut (what in the heck was I waiting for??? Delicious!).  Whatever flavor you favor, pledge your allegiance to America's favorite pastry and celebrate National Donut Day!  Just don't do it with a lemon-jelly donut...does anyone really like those, really?!?!!

The Jelly Donuts on The Pee-Wee Herman Show

Cheers!

Mr. Tiny

"HOW" Do You Say Christmas: A Holiday Wigwam Lighting & Donut Exchange

As many times as I visit San Bernardino, CA's legendary Wigwam Motel, the Route 66 icon never ceases to inspire wonder and joy; and really, are there any more fitting emotions for this most wondrous and joyful time of year?  Whether a road-trip stop, a pow-wow birthday, or a holiday festivity, the Wigwam Motel is an ideal setting for any occasion. 

This past weekend we were hosted by the Wigwam Motel and Charles Phoenix for the first-ever Wigwam Holiday Lighting & Donut Exchange.  Every year, I try to get more people in my life to forgo the tradition of gift giving and instead participate more fully in the season - donating time, caroling, looking at Christmas lights, etc. - and boy, did this event fit the bill.

Thanks to our pal Fabian of Chopit Kustoms, our ride for the evening
was his '55 Buick.  All decked out for Christmas, it looked right at
home amongst the wigwams.
(photo by Fabian)

Guess who was forced to sit in the backseat?

Mr. Tiny, Charles, and our pal, Cherie, who incidentally made the most-
delicious, vegan donuts (pistachio and peppermint).  As is the case in most
photos of me, my eyes were closed so Fabian photoshopped in some googly eyes.
(photo by Fabian)

The wigwam lighting itself was the centerpiece of an event filled with sing-a-longs (my favorite was The Carpenter's "Merry Christmas, Darling") and mountains of donuts (I failed to get a picture of the donut box tower).  Even the wattage of all those bulbs did nothing to stave off the frosty temperatures.

Leave it to the minds of Charles Phoenix and the
Wigwam Motel to create a Christmas tree out of stucco teepee.

In spite of the cold, there was a warm and wonderful turnout.  Hopefully, this is just the first in a new holiday tradition that is certain to get bigger and better with each holiday season.  Wouldn't you love to see all the wigwams lit, flashing in time with a holiday soundtrack?

The group photo
(photo via Charles Phoenix Facebook page)

Thanks to Charles and The Wigwam Motel for helping us get in the holiday spirit!  If you are ever in San Bernardino, be sure to stay in a wigwam!

Wigwam Motel

2728 W Foothill Blvd

San Bernardino, CA

(909)875-3005

www.wigwammotel.com


Cheers!

Mr. Tiny

PDX, PDQ: Portland in a Hurry!

Part of our recent adventure in the Pacific Northwest included an all too brief stay in Portland, Oregon.  I wonder how many people are actually native to Portland as in the last ten years, Portland has seen more than its fair share of Southern California transplants including many of my friends.  If you're up for a long ride, here is "Rose City" as viewed through wacky tacky-colored glasses.

FRIENDS

The locals - Jason & Mindy
Wonderful tour guides and incredible friends!

FOOD

Byways Cafe
From what I gather, Portland is a breakfast/brunch town; we ended up at this charming cafe that was filled with amazing, vintage road trip souvenirs and travel accoutrements.  It was very comfortable and not at all self-conscious or overly satisfied with it's traditional American cafe/diner aesthetic.

While everyone else was enjoying the heartiest of buckwheat hot cakes and the most savory of breakfast scrambles,
I had this - toast as dry as the Sahara and a bowl of fruit from which I was not allowed to eat the bananas.  This is not a commentary on the tastiness of the Byways Cafe, but rather on the bland and boring diet which I find myself.

Portland is a "foodie" town (not for me, darn it) and apparently,
no trip to Portland is complete without a visit to Voodoo Doughnut.

"The Magic is in the Hole"

They had me at glitter bricks!
wacky tacky bylaw #48:  If it can't be spray-painted gold and/or
 covered in glitter, it is probably not worth having.

 The Chocolate-Chick-o-stick & The Peanut Butter-Chocolate-Oreo donuts

We're far too refined to mention the name of this
particular donut but you can probably get the idea.

McMinnville Cream
A raised donut, filled with Bavarian cream and
topped with maple icing - and a moustache!

The eponymous Voodoo Doughnut
Raised donut filled with raspberry jelly, covered in
chocolate frosting and run through with a pretzel

 LODGING

The Palms Motor Hotel
Do NOT be fooled by the amazing neon!  It's not that the rooms at The Palms are worse than any other motel, but the owners are CRAZY!  They offered a particular price over the phone and then added five dollars when we actually arrived.  When they finally agreed to honor the price they quoted over the phone, and after they had run my credit card, they determined that a $5 per person, per night charge had to be assessed for a non-smoking room.  Why, you ask?  Because some people rent a non-smoking room and then smoke outside the room and then potentially the smoke might have the opportunity to waft into said non-smoking room creating in effect a non non-smoking room.
I didn't buy it either and I am still the proud owner of $5.  The monkey alone, however, was almost worth the hassle.

SIGNS

Speaking of amazing signs, my favorite part about Portland was the incredible signage everywhere one looked.  I hate to say it, but I think Portland outdoes even Los Angeles in its commitment to maintaining these incredible markers.  I had convinced myself that I took many more photos of cool signs, but I guess I didn't.  I'm not sure how many more photos could be included in this post anyway...you're only about halfway through!

Portland Outdoor Store
A neon cowboy on a bucking bronco!!!!

Bagdad Theater

Hung Far Low - Chop Suey & Cocktails

We drove past the Portland, Oregon sign about 100 times.
I obsessed over it until we finally pulled over and took a picture.

It looks even better at night!

(Source)

McMENAMINS

I learned a new word when I was in Portland, "McMenamins."  McMenamins is a brewer that began reclaiming old buildings and turning them into multi-use spaces that include restaurants, bars, art and performance venues, movie theaters, and hotels.  The best part is that they preserve as much of the architectural interest and integrity of the structures as possible.  I think other large cities should be taking note and repurposing buildings doomed to demolition or dereliction. We visited the Kennedy Elementary School location.  Built in 1915, the school turned hotel/bar/restaurant/theater is beautiful and makes my elementary school look pretty low-budget by comparison.

Some of the original Kennedy School students

Oh, how times have changed!

The Boiler Room
The multi-level bar in the school's original boiler room.

 A never-ending fixation with light fixtures

A pint-sized drinking fountain

A hydrating giant

This is the longest that most of these people have ever spent in school.

THE WEIRD

It was only a couple of days, but the weird quotient grew exponentially as soon as we entered the city limits. 

A flying squirrel in Powell's Books

Giant kinetic sculpture in the heart of Portland

The strange part of this piece is that one must be at least
 six feet tall in order to participate.  Fortunately, Jason was
just the right height to adjust the angle of the dangle. 

THE EXOTIC

Whispers of the exotic Orient

Although we didn't enter the premises, Mary's Club had a neat sign and we
were told it is one of the oldest clubs of its kind in Portland - Exotic! 

I found real exoticism is things far more tame than the the Golden Dragon and Mary's.  

I found it in..(insert drum roll)...MOSS!  

I loved that almost every available surface was covered in its fuzzy verdure.

Moss not exotic enough for you?  How about.....SNOW!
It snowed while we were there.  I had heard of snow and I had seen evidence
of snow on the ground, but until Portland, I had no proof that it actually fell
from the sky.

I guess naming this post "pretty darn quick" was rather misleading; looking through these photos might take longer than our whole stay in Portland.  I edited the best I could, but we tried to pack a heck of a lot into less than 48 hours!  I feel like we just skimmed the surface of what Portland has to offer and I can't wait to go back to visit friends both old and new - when it is not so COLD!


Cheers!

Mr. Tiny