Friday, June 5, 2015

Hole in One: National Donut Day!!!

Pee-Wee Herman told me that it's National Donut Day.  Normally, I find it foolhardy and downright dangerous to jump on any sort of wagon, let alone a bandwagon.  But if that wagon train has Mr. Herman as trail boss and it's headed through a tunnel made of giant donuts, then you may certainly consider me a member of the band (I have experience with the cymbals)!

Pee-Wee dreams of donuts in Pee-Wee's Big Adventure

I too have dreamt about donuts but hardly ever eat them because the after effects are rarely worth the fleeting moments of deep-fried, sugar-laden ecstasy.  Yes, to me donuts are an instant regret.  However, just because they result in a total gut bomb doesn't mean I can't get with the program of donut-inspired programmatic architecture around Southern California.

The Donut Hole - El Monte, CA (est. 1968)

Here's a comedy lesson for you; no one thinks you're funny when you're entering a giant donut and you casually mention that this facility used to house a quick-serve proctology office...even if you repeat multiple times (more loudly the third time) under the assumption that the lack of laughter means that they didn't hear you.  They think it's even less funny when they're tucking into their donuts as the car passes through the donut-shaped exit whilst you continuously imitate the cacophony of sounds that so regularly emanated from your flatulent grandfather.  Lesson learned.

As with most things, I am a "top-shelf" kind of guy;
crullers, maple to be exact, are my favorite donuts.

Ironically, the fare at The Donut Hole is quite pedestrian.  Nevertheless, it is hard to even consider consuming donuts anywhere that doesn't allow one to drive-thru gigantic replicas of its eponymous foodstuffs.  It is probably fortunate that we live nowhere near a giant donut; it just means that the sighting of one on an adventure day is all the more special.

Dale's Donuts - Compton, CA

Randy's Donuts, in the west Los Angeles neighborhood of Inglewood, gets all of the acclaim but there are other, equally-significant, giant donuts operating around the southland.  Dale's Donuts in Compton is a mid-'50s relic of the Kindle's Donut empire, dutifully turning out baker's dozen after baker's dozen, without all of the Hollywood glitz and glamour reserved for Randy's.  With the back-breaking effort involved in maintaining a small business and preserving a landmark sign, we really shouldn't poke fun, but there are so many jokes to be made about donuts - most of them relegated to the much pooh-poohed category of "potty humor."

Comedy lesson number two:
Mary wasn't even slightly amused when I told her that she was going to
be the new face of the Harry's House of Hemorrhoid Pillows ad campaign!

As I have never advanced beyond the sand traps and water hazards of the putt-putt course, the only way I will ever get a "hole-in-one" is with Pee-Wee at the local donut shop.  In another instance of my fad-resistance, I have never had a bacon donut or a donut encrusted in Fruit-Loops.  Neither have I ever enjoyed a donut scented with lavender or bathed in bourbon.  Ever the donut traditionalist; it's taken me this long to even sample a Cronut (what in the heck was I waiting for??? Delicious!).  Whatever flavor you favor, pledge your allegiance to America's favorite pastry and celebrate National Donut Day!  Just don't do it with a lemon-jelly donut...does anyone really like those, really?!?!!

The Jelly Donuts on The Pee-Wee Herman Show


Mr. Tiny


  1. My mother ate a lot of donuts when she was pregnant with me so I've always just assumed they were imprinted on my DNA (clearly my understanding of science is fuzzy). I feel like I definitely need to take the donut tour next time I go to Cali bc going inside a donut seems to be the dream. I'll give you a heads up when I do because rest assured I can't control my giggling amid fake echoed fart sounds.

    1. That's exactly my understanding of heredity. Count me in on the donut adventure!!!

  2. WOW! These look so good! Thank you for sharing.