When I go on vacation - any vacation - I try to do my research. Never knowing when the possibility of a return trip will make itself available, I hate going all the way to a different state/country only to return home, disappointed to learn that I missed a great landmark. That being said, I pride myself on a flexible itinerary; I always leave plenty of time to explore aimlessly and ask locals for recommendations. Usually, this results in some of my best travel experiences.
When I set out on my epic New Mexican adventure, I had mostly planned to hit up the wacky tacky highlights and help my sister put her new home in order. Foolishly, I hadn't really considered how enchanted I would be by the land in the "Land of Enchantment." New Mexico's landscape is wonderfully monotonous, wide swaths of pink and golden sand interrupted only by mesquite, sagebrush, and the endless trail of cruciform power poles. The hazy silhouettes of the distant mountains create the perfect backdrop for some of the most intensely-blue skies I've ever seen. The most spectacular of all are the clouds - REAL CLOUDS!!! Living in drought-ridden Southern California, I'd forgotten the joys of staring at those puffy cumulonimbus and watching the heavenly shapes transform into a man punching a shark, or a juggling penguin, or a fire-breathing dragon in a dress (all images we saw on our car rides across the desert). Seamlessly set into this idyllic Southwestern majesty are the dwellings of America's indigenous people. Had we not left ourselves open to the possibility, I might have never lived out a childhood dream of climbing into the cliffside caves of the Pueblo People.
Bandelier National Monument - Los Alamos, NM
The only challenging aspect of the short hike out to the cliff dwellings at Bandelier National Monument is the oppressive summer heat. Luckily, we had water, determination, and a slight breeze at our backs. Logically aware that I am well out of shape (or well into a shape unnatural to the human race), sometimes all it takes a brisk pace at high altitudes to remind me that I need to get back on track. The only redemption I found in my puddles of perspiration was that my very-fit brother-in-law seemed to be feeling the heat as well. When we rounded a corner and caught our first glimpse of the cave dwellings, I realized that the pounding in my heart came not only from its first taste of exercise but also from the excitement of seeing such an incredible part of American history.
So COOL!!!
Soooo...it is entirely possible that I have been operating under a thirty-year misapprehension that cliff-dwelling Americans led the entirety of their existences perched up there in the cliffs. I guess I hadn't applied a proper amount of thought to the realities of that particular lifestyle. In fact, I tried not to act too surprised when we encountered the remnants of their land-based lives, including storage structures, reservoirs, and mills.
Perfectly contented to examine the ruins and see the caves from the relative safety of terra firma, we were ecstatic to learn that the cliff dwellings at Bandelier are INTERACTIVE!!! At this national park, any cave at which stands a ladder is a cave open to exploration!
By the first cave our wacky tacky house hunt had reached an end;
we were ready to pull up the ladder and take up permanent residence!
But then he got smart and found his own pad.
There is some combination of appreciating the ingenuity of indigenous people and the childlike desire to live in cave/clubhouse/treehouse that has always captured my imagination.
I mean, who wouldn't want to live here...as a vacation home at the very least?!!
Amazing!
As we climbed ladder after ladder, we started to fancy ourselves cave connoisseurs, recognizing the nuances of cliffside dwelling.
Some caves were multi-roomed affairs with low ceilings and arched passageways; others
were tall enough to stand straight up, large with built-in nooks and porthole windows.
Leave it to a few thoughtless nincompoops to deface such a significant historic site,
He's looking up and wondering why people are so destructive. As the cartoon (below)
says, "Please don't bother the Americans!"
Our visit to Bandelier National Monument culminated in a cool-down by the creek. As it turns out, water is still a necessity - even for the cliff-dwelling people of New Mexico. The peaceful flow of the water allowed even the youngest among our ranks to reflect on the importance of listening to traveler's intuition.
We were all so grateful for the fortuitously-unplanned experience of walking in the footsteps of the first Americans, learning about their culture, their homes, and their/our shared history. Visiting these cliffside cave dwellings was a precious experience that fulfilled at least one line item on the wacky tacky bucket list.
At this point, it should be obvious that the bulk of my "knowledge" (historical, cultural, geographical, and otherwise) comes from the hands of animators - most of them Disney. Why then, should anyone be surprised to learn the cartoon that inspired my desire to see the cliff dwellings of New Mexico is set in Arizona's Grand Canyon? However misguided my motivation, I believe anything that encourages us to get out from behind our electronic device, learn about our history, and explore the beautiful world is good, solid, and sound.
Modern weddings require so much planning - the venue, the flowers, the DJ, the band, the menu, the guest list, the seating arrangements, the puppet show... That's right, the puppetshow. It probably goes without saying, but my very favorite part of any wedding is the interactive, musical puppet show. Lucky for me then that two of my most glamorous pals celebrated their wacky tacky winter wedding within the hallowed walls of the Bob Baker Marionette Theater.
The Bob Baker Marionette Theater - Los Angeles, CA
If you're unfamiliar with this Los Angeles institution, then it is time to rectify that situation right quick. We have been to holiday shows, birthday parties, and tours at the BBMT; we've even had the chance to perform on the same bill as the Bob Baker Marionettes (some of the very same that were used in the movie, Escape to Witch Mountain) at the Charles Phoenix Wig Wam Pow Wow. Believe me when I tell you that seeing the marionettes is a life-changing experience that elicits childlike wonder from even the most hard-hearted scrooges among us (read more about the theater in a recent post by Retro Roadmap). With an ideal couple and an ideal venue, it would have gone against nature not to have a wedding!
"Is this thing on?"
Clad in their ceremonial, pre-wedding vestments,
Jeff and Anna came out to introduce the show and
set the tone for the nuptials.
I've said it before but in this case it bears repeating; I am a huge fan of marriage but not so much of the overblown, cookie-cutter, magazine weddings so prevalent these days. It is my opinion that a wedding should be an accurate reflection of the couple's personalities. A wedding should be a celebration of love and friendship, rather than a celebration of overpriced chicken dinners and questionable centerpieces. Truthfully though, I love love and a wedding in any form makes me happy. One that begins with a puppet show, however, makes me wish that I was headed for the altar!
Good riddance to speeches, mother-son/father-daughter dances, and endless toasting; I'd rather have sexy pink kittens, Santa Claus, and black-lit burlesque skeletons just dripping in neon fringe! In the tradition of the best variety shows of yore, the Christmas-tinged musical revue was a little nice and a little naughty.
I defy anyone to deny the unadulterated joy of a wedding in which the attendants include a wild-eyed opera diva, the Invisible Man, and Denise, the Maid of Honor, escorted by a skunk! Officiated by the sweet and sinfully-soulful crooner, Monty Vista, the wedding ceremony had the bride (and the congregation) in fits of hysterics! The faces of everyone in attendance ached for days for all of the smiles and laughter!
In this crazy world, it doesn't happen often enough that two people of the same faith, in this case fundamental wacky tacky Western Orthodoxy, find each other. In front of a multi-colored streamer curtain and with their loved-ones looking on, Anna (wearing a lustrous, vintage sheath and dramatic, showgirl's headpiece) and Jeff (in a custom-made Charro suit of crimson shantung), were so lucky to have sealed their union in such a holy place!
Once the ceremony had concluded, everyone adjourned to the reception area for dancing and dessert. Guests of the wedding were charged with bringing a "Wee Cake" to share. As is my custom, I way over-thought things and did major web-based research to find out just what a "Wee Cake" was. Was it a thing, a movement, a trend (three of my least favorite things)? Bucking the slowly-dying cupcake culture of late, a relatively-recent chain of bakeries opened an outpost in our area that sells nothing but bundt cakes. Its name, you ask - Nothing Bundt Cakes! I wondered if a Wee Cake was a similarly trademarked product of which I had heretofore remained blissfully unaware. When, with the help of a few other confounded guests posting queries on Facebook, I finally determined that a "Wee Cake" was little more than a little cake, I formulated my design. I actually took a shortcut and bought a tiny, lemon-flavored Nothing Bundt Cake cake (surprisingly delicious for store-bought) for my connubial contribution.
The wee cake table was heavy-laden with some outstanding designs but after quite a few compliments, I was feeling pretty proud of my cake. After all, even with a store-bought foundation, this small cake was no small feat; I draped a bodice, made a veil, arranged a bouquet, painted boots, and sewed miniature pant legs. I even cut and dyed the hair of a half-doll to match the color of the real bride - all of this before realizing that it was a CONTEST!!! Quickly labeled "the X-rated cake," I tried to tell everyone that the groom was merely looking for the garter...ahem.
I didn't win; nevertheless, fellow-runner-up, Sue, and I were
perfectly pleased with our consolation prizes - chocolate hippos!
Absolutely sure that no wedding could possibly top the drama, the hilarity, the authenticity, and the pure spectacle of Anna and Jeff's Marriage-March-of-the-Marionettes wedding, wacky tacky issues the marriage-minded among you this simple advice: do yourself a favor and just ELOPE!
Congratulations, you crazy kids!
Thank you so much for allowing us to take part in such a special day.
May the sweetness of your candy bouquet endure in your many happy years together!
Well, are you jealous or what? Have you ever seen a more wild and wonderful wedding? Aside from your own, what is the best wedding you have ever attended (did puppets play a part)? If you are in the midst of planning your own wedding, be sure to send Mr. Tiny an invitation; he travels well and brings the party (and the naughty cake) with him!
I live very close to a neighborhood that was built by a contractor of singular vision. High-pitched rooflines, lava rock, decorative block, thatched roofs, bamboo thickets - this is a mid-60's explosion of tiki architecture. Oddly enough, instead of vowel-filled Polynesian names, the streets of this wicky-wacky, tiki-tacky enclave have names with a distinctly brogue-ish lilt to them - Killybrooke, Killarney, Limerick, et al. Odder still, is the fact that many of the residents, armed only with leaded-glass front doors, contemporary paver walkways, and Cape Cod color schemes, fight a losing battle against the existing architecture; it creates such a dissonance that it almost circles back around into wacky tacky territory...but not quite.
There is nothing I love more than when people truly embrace the beauty of their given architecture, especially when the architectural style is inherently wacky tacky. There is no better example than the Witch's House in Beverly Hills, CA.
Spooky in the dappled afternoon sunlight, even if my name was
Hansel or Gretel, I don't think I'd be able to resist the charms of this house!
Built in 1921, in the early days of the Storybook craze, the Witch's House was transplanted to its current location in the mid-1930's. Famously featured in the movie Clueless, the details of the home cut a distinctively-wacky tacky figure among the manicured lawns of lowland Beverly Hills. Fortunately, the homeowners of this house have embraced the history of the structure. Lovingly restoring its many brilliant details, they have maintained a true landmark in a city filled with more caricature than earnest historical character.
The ramshackle shingles and shutters, the paint,
and the cartoony, copper, chimney pots give every
indication that there is an actual witch on the premises.
"No Trespassing, Keep Out"
The signs are so charming that they're difficult to obey.
A mini moat, a foot bridge, and an overgrown cottage garden add so much depth and texture.
You see that tree? Who says we don't have autumn in Southern California?!!?!
The stone walls/pillars are topped with pumpkins of equal character.
At the Witch's House, it is a Happy Halloween every day of the year!
History is a challenging word to apply to a part of the world that is so relatively young; for California, however, the Witch's House is a big part of our history in terms of industry, architecture, and culture. Boo-ravo to the witch for keeping it so spooky!
"Trick or Treat" (1952)
Do you have any spooky houses in your neighborhood? Is your house witchy or maybe even haunted? Does it come alive during the Halloween season? Here's hoping you have a Happy Halloween!
I guess if I could have the ultimate backyard of my cheesy, childhood dreams, it would look just like the one from "Out of Scale," one of my all-time favorite Donald Duck cartoons.
"Out of Scale"
While not nearly as persnickety as Donald when it comes to exact scale, I just can't help but love miniatures. The mountains and meadows, the landscapes and houses, the chipmunks setting up housekeeping in the little houses - I want it all. All of it plus water features - don't forget the water features; water features are essential in creating the ideal the atmosphere of my dream backyard. And topiaries. A snack shack couldn't hurt either. I guess what I really want is to live in a miniature golf course. A miniature golf course with a train running through it.
For too long at wacky tacky, we have become so obsessed with finding and sharing beautiful bowling alleys, that we neglected all of the joy and wonder that can be found in and around their sisters-in-20th Century-novelty and leisure, miniature golf courses! A few months back we decided to resolve the issue by venturing into a pretty spectacular local course, Golf N' Stuff, in Norwalk, CA.
I can't think of any other place on earth, aside from Las Vegas perhaps, where one could encounter an Arabian palace, a tiki hut, a bathing elephant, a castle, and a haunted house all within steps of each other. Alright, alright, Disneyland has a bunch of that stuff too. Aren't we lucky to live in a world of such wacky tacky abundance?!
Born in the 1910's, mini golf really reached the peak of its first wave of popularity in the madcap 1920's. An era of unprecedented prosperity and abundant leisure time, golf became one of the decade's most popular sports. At a time when people were finding novelty in everything and creating novelty where there was none before (flagpole sitting, marathon dancing, goldfish swallowing), miniature golf just seemed like a natural progression.
Early mini golfers at a fairly primitive course.
Dig that loop-the-loop!
(Source)
As evidenced by the above photo, early mini golf courses weren't nearly as fantastic as the courses that were yet to come. I'm so glad a tradition of excess emerged and subsequently became the norm because my favorite part of the sport is less about the sport itself and more about the marvelous, themed structures that create a fantasy world of diminutive proportion. Looking at all of these structures made me wonder which one I would choose to live in given the opportunity. Which one would do you favor?
With its cascading waterfalls, towers, turrets, bridges, and fairy tale cachet,
I have a feeling many would go for the castle...but not Mr. Tiny.
Many of you spooky, gothic types might opt for The Haunted Mansion...
Mr. Tiny is far too big a scaredy cat!
I have no idea what kind of "sole" would want to live in a shoe -
probably some heel. Yep, stolen straight from I Love Lucy.
The lure of tropical romance and a simple South Seas
lifestyle had me leaning towards the tiki hut.
And then I saw Santa's Workshop!
Who wouldn't want to live in a world of toys and all-you-can-eat gingerbread?
Mr. Tiny, that's who!
I can't even stand the bitter cold of Southern California winters.
Maybe it is because I never had a treehouse/fort of my own,
but given my druthers, I think I would choose the this
jim-dandy of a lookout/hideaway. Give me the simple life!
Along with the lofty perspective, I'd get a "Bad Boy" dunce
of a dog and a two-way tin can telephone.
It's not just the buildings though, it is the horticulture as well.
The play of scale just makes me happy. It's like a giant's croquet course
with nary a sticky wicket in sight.
It's all about the water features!
There is something so calming and reassuring about moving water.
Sometimes golf course security doesn't realize that a blog is a valid
reason for climbing over barriers to get the perfect photo.
In my backyard, splashing will definitely be allowed!!!
I almost missed this incredible snake mosaic slithering around the landscape.
I know it wasn't presented as an option, but I think I could even make the
Brady Bunch-era snack bar my home. Even though the 70's are in the
hinterlands of wacky tacky-dom, it really makes us happy when things
don't change - a snack bar time capsule!
I love getting unsolicited appreciation for existing lifestyle choices.
Since I couldn't find additional signage that read
"Thank you for snacking between meals," this one had to suffice.
King Putt, the reigning king of Golf N' Stuff...for now.
He looks like he would be easy to depose; I feel a coup coming on.
Golf N' Stuff Family Fun Center
10555 E Firestone Blvd
Norwalk, CA
(562)868-9956
My very favorite days are adventure days! Sometimes they are born of boredom, when we hop in the car with absolutely no direction and go where the wind takes us. Other times they are planned in great detail, with a trunk full of snacks, a cooler full of drinks, good friends, and an itinerary eight pages long.
The itinerary, as thoughtfully prepared by Amber.
As I mentioned in my last post, we spent a wonderful Saturday with our friends Amber & Bobby, on an exploration of the high desert of Southern California. Fortunately, the weather was ideal, breezy and hot - but it was a dry heat!!! Hopefully you're in a comfortable chair because this is a very picture-heavy post.
Adventure day begins...with bagels in Bob & Amber's cool kitchen.
MORMON ROCKS AT THE CAJON PASS
Our first stop of the trip was Mormon Rocks at The Cajon Pass, so named because of the significant rock formations, created by shifts in the San Andreas Fault, and noted by the Mormon Pioneers as they made their way from Salt Lake City to Southern California.
To me, the most fascinating part of these rock formations was their appearance. Now I'm no geologist, but I guess it is the extreme, windy conditions of the area, that, over time, have created the pitted, pock-marked, but very smooth, round shape of the rock faces. At such a stress point along a major fault line, I expected a much more craggy, fractured appearance. And that concludes our "Rock Formations for Dummies" lesson.
Amber was a surprise to me on our adventure.
I never would have pegged her as the type to turn over every
single rock that we saw, looking for scorpions and snakes. We
were expecting to see at least one snake because according to
our local news, this is "a record rattle snake year."
Much to Mary's dismay, the only wildlife we saw was this tiny lizard.
I took my orders from our fearless leader, Bob.
He was an Eagle Scout, you know.
Amber was pretty certain that every rock she picked
up was either an arrow head or a centuries-old fossil.
This one definitely was...a rock!
I'm not sure at what angle I took this photo, but for some reason it minimizes
the rather treacherous angle of the rock face. Trust me, this guy was
a real climber!
This formation is called the "Happily Ever After Rock."
Not by anyone else, I just thought it would make Amber & Bob feel special.
Yeah, we hiked...kind of...
THE CALIFORNIA ROUTE 66 MUSEUM
Our next stop was the Route 66 Museum. There was a car club there that I was foolish enough to not get pictures of even after one of the ladies snapped a photo of Amber and kept looking for "that blonde hussy," Mary, so she could get a picture of her too! I also didn't get a single picture of their cars. Thanks to Paul & Larry, volunteers at the Museum, I found a picture of us on their Facebook page!
Bob, Amber, Mary, and Mr. Tiny
(courtesy of the California Route 66 Museum)
Brownie was a stray dog that lived along the Santa Fe Railroad Line and was
adopted by the train engineers. He was the unofficial mascot of the
station and faithfully greeted returning soldiers until one day he got
in the way of the 5:15.
The museum is filled with all kinds of authentic Route 66 artifacts including
cars, trailers, and water bags. My favorites are the signs!
An awesome sign for Mahan's Hulavlle
The Hula Girl
After the museum, we took off on a helicopter ride over the
beautiful high desert of Southern California.
Or maybe this is really just a scale model of downtown Victorville.
The facilities were primitive, but effective.
I saw first hand, during our Route 66/Grand Canyon Tour last year, that Burma-Shave signs still exist along Route 66.
A fully-outfitted teardrop trailer
O.K. CORRALOSTRICH FARM
Ostriches are weird and scary. According to legend, that I may or may not have made up in my own imagination, they can disembowel you with one angry kick. They are definitely prehistoric in origin and they don't smell particularly good. Therefore, it was strange that I was so happy to be around them and take their pictures. Could you imagine seeing one in the wild? The weirdest bird that we have in my neighborhood is the eccentric lady down the street who built a wall around her front yard so she can sunbathe in the nude...and sometimes we see those wild parrots that make so much noise.
My favorite ostrich face of the day!!!
This guy was so cartoony!
Their beaks are constantly opening and closing (recreating the sound of that coconut shell horse gallop) and their mouths are full of some kind of phlegm that is probably due to seasonal allergies and the arid desert climate. I was pretty sure they were saving it up to spit on me. Amber, in another surprising turn of events, was not afraid at all!
How much do I love this photo?
Mere words are not enough. With the right filters, wouldn't this
look like some 50's Kodachrome dream of your crazy aunt on a roadtrip
to California?
Yep, they're doing exactly what you think they are doing.
I've seen more of an ostrich than I ever wanted to see.
ELMER'S BOTTLE TREE RANCH
The glory that is Elmer's Bottle Tree Ranch is beyond description. This one spot alone, would have made our trek worthwhile. The only disappointing part was the absence of Elmer. We were assured by our pals at the Route 66 Museum that if Elmer was there, he would come out and chat about his ever-evolving masterpiece - no such luck! But the presence and inspiration of Elmer could be seen and felt everywhere!
No bottle, or piece of scrap lumber is immune to repurposing
on the bottle tree ranch - even this outhouse seat!
Even though Elmer wasn't home, music was being piped
in through the rusted front end of a car or tractor.
LOVE!!!
I've always wondered - when the Santa Ana Winds start howling through,
is it just like one big, never-ending jug band?
Elmer says, "I may not always make bottle trees,
but when I do, I prefer Dos Equis."
Happy to be lost in the bottle tree forest!
We were told that Elmer scoured all of the local dumps
for pieces that could be used in his creations.
But where did he find the torpedo???
Elmer's Bottle Tree Ranch is an homage to the long-gone, Mahan's Half Acre Hulaville. The signs for the defunct bottle tree forest can be seen above (they are on display at the Route 66 Museum).
A carousel pony high atop a tree made of vintage,
glass insulators
NELSON STUDIOS
Our ultimate destination was Nelson Studios. Amber told us that her dad found this abandoned studio lot on one of his adventure days and had since taken them back to explore the grounds. Relics of long-forgotten films litter the premises and offer a look into a place that is very difficult to research.
Amber just kept surprising me.
I dared her to sit in this filthy, sun-baked, louse-ridden
Barcalounger that had been there for who knows how long
...and she did it!!!
The main building on the lot seemed like it was more of a storage space than a
sound stage. The building is about 1/8 of a mile long and is filled with crumbling
statuary, architectural plans, fiberglass molds, old pop cans, and assorted odds and ends.
The corrugated metal roof had been blown off (or removed for scrap) since
Bob & Amber's last visit. I'm actually glad; it made creeping around in there
a lot less creepy because the space was flooded with natural light.
The property is covered in stone, cement, plaster, and fiberglass figures that were presumably used as set pieces or ??? Almost every item is in pieces, but there was so much to examine and discover that we decided early on to save some room in the trunk for mementos from our visit.
This sea serpent/fish body was cool, but we couldn't find the head.
This mantle/fireplace surround was beautiful but much too big to fit in the trunk.
Our favorite piece of all was the gargoyle, but it was far too heavy, not to mention cemented into the ground, to realistically excavate and bring home. We had to settle for taking our pictures with it.
I make apologies for neither my poses nor my hair on adventure day!!!
A Mary-atid
(Art/Architecture history nerds will get that one)
Mary decided on this partial face.
I took some reliefs of horses heads that looked like
they were part of a larger frieze.
I will leave you to draw your own conclusions on this particular artifact,
which was mercifully left in the dust for some other scavenger.
It was funny being at Nelson Studios because all of the remaining
design elements were Greco-Roman and Egyptian in style, so
we really got the feeling that we were digging through ancient ruins.
Who's to say we didn't just hop a flight to ancient Greece?
There is not one complete building on the whole of the grounds; some
were demolished, some ransacked, some left to the ravages of weather and time,
and some were burned. Here's a tip: when the fire starts burning, don't waste
time looking up the number for the fire department; just dial 9-1-1!!!
Amber, Mary, and Bob stand on a bridge that
crosses what was once a man-made lake.
Apparently it was deep enough to film water scenes or at least
float around in a row boat on a lazy summer day.
One of the buildings on the property was encrusted in bricks,
mortar, and stucco. Upon further inspection, it became clear
what the building was - a 1960's mobile home that had a
facade built around it. The Hollywood tradition of smoke
and mirrors continues!!! The original refrigerator and
wallpaper were left unchanged.
Groovy wallpaper...
Sadly, I couldn't gather much information on Robert Nelson or his studios in one of my famously perfunctory Google searches. The only thing I could find was a picture of the studio's water tower on someone's tumblr. One of the comments on the photo indicated that the studio was in operation into the mid- 90's and that old man Nelson was eccentric, kind, and rich in not much more than interesting stories.
According to locals, The Ace Motel is the place where
Robert Nelson spent his final days, penniless and alone.
The sign looks very similar to the Green Spot Motel
sign found at the Route 66 Museum.
Was that enough adventure for you or what? I hope it wasn't too much because I even left out a few minor stops AND we still have a couple more posts from our epic adventure day. Thanks Bob and Amber for a wonderful day! I hope that she's already hard at work on the itinerary for our next adventure!!!
"Donald's Ostrich" (1937)
* On an entirely unrelated note, we are closing in on 100 followers - not a huge number for some of you big-time bloggers out there, but extremely surprising and gratifying for us here at wacky tacky! When we reach 100 followers, we are going to sponsor our very first GIVEAWAY (details to follow)! So, please encourage your friends to follow us here and on facebook. Thanks for following and participating!
