Chow Time: Andre's Drive-In

Now, usually, I am not one for making new year's resolutions - much less, keeping them.  However, as the circumference around my equator (on an anatomically-correct body I believe it is referred to as a "waistline"???) ever increases, the changing of the calendar year seems like a adequately-arbitrary time to reign in the chronic binge-eating of the past few months.

"Yay!  I'm a fatty!!!!"

Before 2014 officially comes to a close, we have just enough time left to savor the sweet, sweet, burger-flavored memories of our trip to Bakersfield, CA and Andre's Drive-In (est. 1955).

Andre's Drive-In - Bakersfield, CA

With all of the surrounding cars, and electrical poles, and wires, it was difficult to capture Andre's at its most photogenic; surely, to most people it is about as plain a hamburger stand as California's Central Valley could muster.  I'll concede that without the finishing touches, it would merely be a stucco-clad, burger-dispensing, beige cube.  It is the genius of those simple finishing touches (see the optimistic script of the sign) that transform it from bland box to atomic space crab!

Sure, those splayed beams both anchor the building to the ground and frame the drive-thru, but they also create all kinds of form and dimension as the scuttling legs of our space crab.  I can't help but love the improbable use of DIY, corrugated siding and the remaining hand-painted signage still adorning the windows.  Did somebody say, "FRIED PIES?!?!!!"

The real delight at Andre's is the free-form, al fresco, dining room.
Undulating amongst the encroaching landscape, the curving benches are punctuated by floating,
kidney-shaped tables; they are perfect for dining alone or cuddling up with your new steady.

If the food was as good as the paintings in the window led us to believe, we were in for a real treat.  Seeing as how we had eaten only a short time before, Mary and I decided to opt for something on the "lighter side."

We acted like we were exhibiting some kind of restraint by splitting Andre's famous "French
Burger."  The fact is, as the sign so clearly states, the French Burger is actually two ham-
burgers made indistinguishable by the large french roll on which they are served.  But, hey, we
didn't order french fries or fried pies...so that's a healthy choice.

The French Burger left us questioning our own patriotism as all we could muster between sloppy, mustard-tinged bites was, "Vive la France!"  At "a million francs or three," we would definitely go Dutch on another French should we again find ourselves in the burger-friendly climes of Bakersfield!  

"La Marseillaise" from Casablanca (1942)

Do you have any resolutions for the new year?  Do you lie to yourself by eating half of a double-burger and then telling yourself that you are halfway to a one-hundred-percent vegetarian, gluten-free, paleo diet?  Whatever your issues, whatever your resolutions, we wish you and yours a very Happy New Year!!!

Andre's Drive-In

1419 Brundage Ln.

Bakersfield, CA

(661)322-0044

Cheers!

Mr. Tiny

Save My Sole: The Big Shoe Shoe Repair

Did you hear about the big fire at the old cobbler's shop?  One hundred soles were lost.  I'll bet some heel started it!  Thank goodness that in 1947, an entrepreneur of unmatched brilliance, Mr. Deschwanden by name, decided to hang the shingle of his shoe repair business on Bakersfield's bustling Chester Avenue.

The Big Shoe Shoe Repair - Bakersfield, CA

For as much roadside excitement as we enjoy in California by way of googie coffee shops and fanciful playgrounds, we suffer from a distinct lack of thematic architecture (or maybe I just want more).  With the exception of the occasional giant tamale/orange/donut and muffler man, most of our novelty structures are naught but history.  So where do the last remaining muffler men go when they've worn down the heels on their big, crepe-soled shoes?  They go to The Big Shoe Shoe Repair, of course!!!

It was at this moment that I was despairing over my choice of footwear - if only I had the
foresight to have donned my white bucks.  You know how I love to team with the theme!

My casual shoes notwithstanding, I'm glad that the original architect of this wood-framed shoe decided to go with a classic style.  I'm not so sure that a sneaker would have gained as much traction in this - or any - community.  I mean, who wants to visit an athlete's foot?!?!!

Before we visited the Big Shoe, I thought I had big feet.  Finding out that a
fifty-foot length of rope makes up the shoelace certainly put me in my place.
I rather enjoyed the rarity of feeling dainty...

Naturally, we would never go all the way to visit a giant shoe without taking a peek inside.  Tongue-tied, the proprietor and patrons weren't that keen on having us snap their photo, so we backed out of the tiny shop.  I'm not sure what I was expecting, but the interior of the "big" shoe was exceptionally small.  To further our disillusionment, it also seems that the nursery rhyme is all a lie, nary an old woman nor her passel of ill-behaved children in sight.  We were waiting for the other shoe to drop but based on the proportions of this shoe, we thought better of it.  The nice thing was that it smelled as fresh as a daisy - a leather, adhesive, and shoe-polish daisy.

Do you have any thematic architecture in your neighborhood?  If you were a well-heeled old woman, would you live in a shoe?  If we lived in Bakersfield, it probably goes without saying that all of our shoe repair business would go to The Big Shoe because that's how all mama's children wanna rock!

"All Mama's Children" - Carl Perkins

We're not sure where our next adventure will be; all we know is that it will have some pretty big shoes to fill (a pretty big shoe to fill?)!!!


The Big Shoe Shoe Repair
931 Chester Ave
Bakersfield, CA
(661)864-1002


Cheers!

Mr. Tiny

Signs of the Times: Guthrie's Alley Cat

Guthrie's Alley Cat - Bakersfield, CA

The thing about an alley cat is that it hangs out in alleys.  Duh, right?  Well, unless you are the type that also frequents an alley cat's native habitat, then you just might miss said alley cat and therefore, what is arguably Bakersfield's greatest neon sign, Guthrie's Alley Cat (est. 1940).

The wagging blue tongue, the flash of bulging eyes, and the twirl of
animated, windmill tail indicate that this pretty kitty is as high as a kite!

Set back from downtown Bakersfield's major thoroughfares, the Alley Cat is the very definition of a hidden gem...or at the very least a slightly-obscured gem.  Given the sign's total lack of discretion, it is hard to believe that one could ever miss it.  Needless to say, old four-eyes over here drove by that darn cat at least three times in one afternoon without a second glance.  It wasn't until our pals, and fellow wacky tacky adventurers, told us that we mustn't miss it, did we set our coordinates for the gorgeous glow of Guthrie's gleaming neon marvel.

"Alley Cat" - Al Hirt

In actual fact, the secret to Guthrie's Alley Cat is not its back-alley location.  The real secret is found on the interior of this Streamline saloon, in the form of a multi-paneled mural by famed artist and wacky tacky icon, Al Hirschfeld.

Just look at how many luminaries are captured in only two of the
mural's panels.  How many of the well-known figures can you name?
Ms. Dietrich, is that you?

Cocktails?!?!!
Ever the tacky teetotalers, we merely cased the
joint without ordering so much as a soda water!

The pleasant bartender didn't seem to mind our sober loitering as he could tell that we were getting plenty drunk off the "sparkling burgundy brew" of his fine establishment.  Oh, Alley Cat, you go to my head!

"You Go to My Head" - Marlene Dietrich

Guthrie's Alley Cat
1525 Wall St.
Bakersfield, CA
(661)324-6328


Cheers!

Mr. Tiny

Chow Time: Woolworth's 5 & 10 Luncheonette

What would you do if you had a time machine?  Like a lot of history enthusiasts, it is a question that often crosses my mind.  It might sound silly and superficial, but I would definitely employ my time machine for regular shopping trips to Woolworth's.  For me, a time machine would only be as good as the history I could bring "back to the future" with me; and the things I love most are the ephemeral objects offered at bargain prices from Woolworth's - greeting cards, holiday decorations, Halloween costumes, etc.  The city in which I grew up had a long-standing 5&10, Gilbert's, but by the time I had money enough to do my own shopping, the days of five and ten-cent items were long gone.  Gilbert's finally gave up the ghost in the 1990s when it could no longer be seen through the forest of Dollar Trees.

Even at the worst of times, in my entire life I have never shoplifted.  And yet, my favorite scene in Breakfast at Tiffany's is when Holly and Paul outwit the store detective to steal masks from the Woolworth's.  I've watched the scene over and over as much for the vicarious thrill of larceny as for creating a mental shopping list (masks included) should my Woolworth's/time travel scenario ever become a reality.

Woolworth's shoplifting scene from Breakfast at Tiffany's

Thankfully, there is a place that provides a bit of time travel without the necessity of a flux-capacitor.  In the heart of downtown Bakersfield, CA stands one of the only remaining Woolworth's Luncheonettes still in operation.  Built in 1936, the heyday for glorious Streamline storefronts, the building houses both the lunch counter and a bilevel antique store.  Excited to see a beautifully preserved retail environment and hungry from our drive, we made Woolworth's Luncheonette the first stop on Mr. Tiny's Bakersfield Birthday Bonanza!

Would you believe that this was Mr. Tiny's first visit to a proper luncheonette?
What was more exciting, lunch at a lunch counter or color coordinating?  I just don't know!

Purists might poo-poo the paltry cosmetic updates of the luncheonette.  Rather than wasting even one calorie on negativity, we tried to burn off our lunch in high praise of the folks who keep this landmark alive with the sites and smells of 20th-Century American life!

Sure, the red-vinyl barstools and checkerboard floor are a little corny but they are more than made up for by the gorgeous, curved, honey-blonde wood panelling punctuated by rose-gold mirrors, the terrazzo staircases with their Streamline Deco banisters, and the beautiful utility of all that classic, chrome, soda fountain fixturing! 

Don't go to Woolworth's expecting a full diner menu; you will find no meatloaf, no Adam and Eve on a raft, no blue plate special.  Proving that too many choices is not always a good thing, Woolworth's Luncheonette graciously limits the options to hamburgers, hot dogs, and a few sandwiches.  They do, however, offer a wide variety of old-timey fountain treats and some of the freshest lemonade I've ever tasted.

I don't know if it was just my surroundings leaving me defenseless against the
power of suggestion, but the hamburger actually tasted deliciously old-fashioned!

Even with full stomachs, a packed itinerary, and daylight burning, we couldn't bring ourselves to leave Woolworth's without at least a brief exploration of the antique store's offerings.

Since it was our first stop of the day, we didn't want to blow the birthday budget in one pop.  As
much as I was drooling over the graphics on this souvenir "Note Tote" with the original stationery
and letter opener, I settled instead on a few nicely-priced Christmas ornaments.

Had they fit in the wacky wagon (and had they been for sale),
I surely would have "settled" for this fantastic foursome as well!!! 

Without the benefit of time travel, I guess we'll never get the chance to turn a pocketful of change into a Woolworth's shopping spree.  Thankfully, there are thoughtful business owners who allow the visiting preservationists within us the opportunity to experience the same luxury of luncheonette service that Bakersfield residents have enjoyed for nearly eight decades.  Thanks to Woolworth's Luncheonette, we think we've found a million-dollar baby in the five-and-ten cent store!

"I Found a Million Dollar Baby (In a Five and Ten Cent Store)" - Bing Crosby

Did you grow up frequenting your local five-and-dime?  Have you ever stopped at the Woolworth's in Bakersfield?  We encourage you to make Bakersfield more than a mere blur as you whiz by on your north or southbound travels; take the time to time travel with a stop at Woolworth's for a soda, a sandwich, and some shopping!

Woolworth's Luncheonette & Five-and-Dime Antique Mall
1400 19th St
Bakersfield, CA
(661)321-0061


Cheers!

Mr. Tiny